My dad is in the early stages of dementia/Alzheimer’s. He is showing signs of hyper sexual attraction to me. How do I manage him?

In the earlier stages of my husband's alzhemiers, he literally was acting like a 17yr old and wanted sex day and night. Was forever touching me etc etc. He was always an affectionate man and we at that stage had been married 48yrs and he is the love of my life. However, I was totally over this behaviour, starting to dislike him even, getting no sleep etc etc. In desparation I told my doctor, who is also my husbands GP and she changed his medication immediately and he was a changed man. Was as simple as that, but although I attended the Dementia monthly 'Care and Share' meetings, no one ever mentions the sexual side of Alzhemiers, like it is a taboo subject. So please, just see your GP, sooner rather than later, and medication can make a huge difference to your life and his.

For petesake, this is DEMENTIA at play! Hypersexual activity is known as ISB or Inappropriate Sexual Behavior and happens with A LOT of men who suffer from dementia and Alzheimer's. It's treatable with medication to calm down their impulses! Trying to REASON with them is not going to work.

Because this is a "sexual" issue everyone gets bent out of shape, yet we can easily chalk off a demented elder saying horribly ugly things to us! Oh it's just the disease. So is THIS! That's not to say any inappropriate sexual behavior should be tolerated, or that dad should go out on his own to touch strangers or children. No. But it should be treated immediately and his doctor should be notified, as they would with any other abnormal behavior.

OP, steer clear of dad until he's been treated and the meds are working. Nobody wants to see such behavior from their father, NOBODY. Nor do we want to see ANY dementia take over an elders life and completely morph them into a stranger we no longer know.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

Are you, yourself, married? Because for the sit down talk I am going to give you to go through with dad, having "a man" at your side would be helpful.

Whether with or without a husband at your side it is time for a sitdown with dad. You will tell him that you are made very uncomfortable by any "sex talk" from him. That it is inappropriate and very hurtful to you. That if he cannot control doing this, then you cannot visit with him any more, nor be a support to him, and this will mean he will need to enter nursing home care sooner rather than later.
That there will not now or in future be any hugging or touching from him EVER.

You are going to have to lay down rules now. You will be surprised to know that it IS IN HIS ABILITY to obey them. If he cannot, then indeed he needs to enter care.

You are going to have to stop being tentative and weak on this. That doesn't work. You have to be positive and strong and stop even a hint of this AT ONCE and with outrage.

I will forgive you and you are wrong! I am struggling with this and very sorry if I don’t hate or degrade my dad in a way that agrees to your forum. I am here for support and advice from people who are going or have gone through this “horrible disease”. Thank you for defending me and letting me know it’s ok to say “NO”. However, as much as I am here for me I am also here for him.

There is another post concerning the same subject. I do hope you discussed this problem with his Dr. Your Dad may be up there age wise but they can be very strong. My GFs father went on a rampage at his AL. The staff had to lock themselves and residents into the conference room until the police came. He threw a desktop computer. He was in his mid 80s.

This is a very unpredictable desease. Things just flit threw their minds. And sometimes they act on it with no understanding of whats going on. No, its not Dads fault but you need to protect yourself. You need to tell him his feelings are wrong. I am glad you realize its time for Dad to be placed. Good Luck.

"...hurt his feelings or embarrass him"... What about YOU and your feelings?

How do you "respond to him." You say "NO. That's not ok." Be verbally aversive and stand up for yourself.

It's hard for me to believe, sorry, that anyone is this calm, flowery, and descriptive about being sexually targeted by their father, "early dementia" or not. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

If you want attention, here it is. If you want advice, here it is.

This situation is past the point of not wanting to hurt or embarrass him. Really, it is long past that.

Your father needs to be told very plainly indeed by you that his behavior is inappropriate, disgusting, wrong in every way, and will not be tolerated by you. Even people with dementia many times still possess some level of self-awareness.

How is it that you worry about hurting and embarrassing him because he has dementia and can't help it, yet he's still allowed to live alone in his house?

If your father's dementia is at the point where he engages in sexualized behavior towards his own daughter, then his condition is more advanced than you think it is.
He belongs in a memory care facility or needs a 24-hour caregiver. He should not have a waking moment that isn't supervised.

His hyper sexual behvaior may not stay restricted to you. He may decide to go for a walk some day and attempt to molest and sexually assault a girl or woman that he finds attractive and end up getting hurt himself or worse.

I was a homecare worker for 25 years. I've had many old and young men on my service who had dementia or were mentally ill and therefore not responsible for their behaviors and actions.
There have been more than a couple who were hyper sexual and who got handsy.

Believe me when I tell you this, I was never above physically defending myself. A couple times the pepper spray came out. There have been men shoved to the ground by me, and one crowned in the face with a skillet. No means no and stop means stop. If that point has to be made with violence by a female like myself, it will not trouble us.

A sexual predator is a sexual predator dementia or not and will be treated like one by everyone else. He needs constant supervision now either at home or in a memory care facility.

Please take your father to his doctor for an assessment of his needs. He needs supervision at this time of life and if it cannot be provided at home it can be at a memory care facility.

Sorry this is happening to you. Your father should not be living alone any more. It’s time to think about other options. Good luck to you.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-i-continue-taking-care-of-my-85-year-old-father-who-is-making-sexual-advances-toward-me-484169.htm

So u don't feel alone, I found the other post similar to ur problem.

My Father started masterbating constantly summer of 2021 - I had to move my Bedroom Upstairs because it was upsetting me. He was in bed with the Laptop watching Porn , In the Kitchen with the laptop watching Porn and I had to hear the groaning sounds and find him with His hands down His Pants . I wanted to Puke especially when I saw the Porn he was watching . He ran away on a Hot day to change His Password on the Laptop at Apple and went to Lunch and had a stroke . I was told " That Hypersexuality happens , almost a Primitive Part of the brain That is seeking Pleasure . " I feel for you I wanted to Puke , in fact a few times I did Puke .