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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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It can be a long held pattern in some couples. One is the Entertainer (Drama Queen) the other the Stoic Roadie.
If the Roadie gets ill, it upsets the pattern.
The Entertainer can sometimes switch roles & be the supportive one but unfortunately some just aren't built that way. They have to seek a new audience.
Just my observations... It sounds a bit toxic when I type it, oops Doesn't have to be!
In order to support Dad, Mom will need her own support system to support her.
But if Mom needs a stadium sized audience... as you are ONE person, yeah, you will get drained VERY quickly! Mom will have to cast wider, to friends, other relatives, community or church people.
"Exit the stage when the drama starts" was how one poster put it 😂
That was the story of my life with my aunt and mom. He's in heaven now and she is constantly giving us the business. We are just starting to preserve our health and sanity. We are going to stop giving in and setting boundaries. Some things will be difficult and she won't be abandoned, but we matter too. And as much as we love her, we can't pour from an empty cup.
Some people MUST be the center of attention. Just tell her to wait. “I’d love to help you with that mom, but first I need to spend some time with dad, or change dad’s sheets, or help dad eat,” etc.
The key to behavior correction is for you to be consistent, and stick To your guns.
When my father fell & broke his hip & was in the hospital getting surgery to repair it, my mother was kicking up a federal case about the black & blues on her arms to the point where she insisted I take her to the ER to be looked at. So, while dad was on the 4th floor, mom was on the first floor of the same facility, for no good reason except that she was craving the attention he was getting! The doctor in the ER asked her, "what are you doing here Josephine? You have black & blues on your arms, that's all." He sent her on her way with a bit of a scolding for wasting everyone's time, and that was the end of useless trips to the ER. I learned a good lesson that day myself: learn to ignore mother & all of her chronic carrying on!
Dad wound up dying later that year in 2015, and my mother is now 94.5 and living in Memory Care, still kicking up federal cases about everything & being the same drama queen she's been her whole life. To the degree that DH & I are 'on a trip to another state for 10 days' right now, incommunicado, just to get a break from her and all of her constant nonsense.
Set down some boundaries if you haven't already, about what you will & will not do for your parents (both of them), and then stick to that plan like glue. Otherwise, you'll be taking your mother to the ER for some imagined ailment and listening to the doctor asking her what she's doing there & giving her a scolding like he did mine! The sooner you make a list of rules, the better. For your own well-being more than anything else.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If the Roadie gets ill, it upsets the pattern.
The Entertainer can sometimes switch roles & be the supportive one but unfortunately some just aren't built that way. They have to seek a new audience.
Just my observations... It sounds a bit toxic when I type it, oops Doesn't have to be!
In order to support Dad, Mom will need her own support system to support her.
But if Mom needs a stadium sized audience... as you are ONE person, yeah, you will get drained VERY quickly! Mom will have to cast wider, to friends, other relatives, community or church people.
"Exit the stage when the drama starts" was how one poster put it 😂
The key to behavior correction is for you to be consistent, and stick To your guns.
Dad wound up dying later that year in 2015, and my mother is now 94.5 and living in Memory Care, still kicking up federal cases about everything & being the same drama queen she's been her whole life. To the degree that DH & I are 'on a trip to another state for 10 days' right now, incommunicado, just to get a break from her and all of her constant nonsense.
Set down some boundaries if you haven't already, about what you will & will not do for your parents (both of them), and then stick to that plan like glue. Otherwise, you'll be taking your mother to the ER for some imagined ailment and listening to the doctor asking her what she's doing there & giving her a scolding like he did mine! The sooner you make a list of rules, the better. For your own well-being more than anything else.
Good luck!