My dad was a disabled veteran. How do I go about completing VA app for spousal support to help care for my mother with dementia?
My dad was rated 100% disabled by the VA due to combat related injuries. He passed away after emergency back surgery following a very bad fall. I just read that if his death was related to his disability then my mom should be able to get spousal support as well as homecare since she is home bound due to moderate - severe dementia. Being the only child, extended family and friends live 2 states away, EVERYTHING falls to me. Since they still had a mortgage, I have resorted to trying to get my house in shape to sell. I have turned my dad's shop into an apartment with plans to move into it after selling my home and paying off mom's house. That will help with the financial burden, and I will be just across the driveway from her. I need a caregiver to help me with this crazy place life circumstances have led me. I have absolutely no help at all. I am maintaining her house, my house, her yard, my yard, her finances, my finances, and so on. Not to mention that she does things and doesn't do things that creates new stress and burden on a nearly daily basis. I barely keep up with things, and not always well and not without tears, headaches, high blood pressure, near panic attacks. Putting out new fires and trying to get my house where I’ve lived for over 20 years in sellable condition is more than I can do. The VA applications are so detailed and require so much time to obtain all the documents and preparation, I just look at it and freeze. I need to at least apply for spousal support on my mom's behalf. And homecare on my behalf. I feel like the time I take to reach out for help is time wasted because there is so much, I need to be doing. The local VA here have not been of any help. But I know the VA does assist with filing these apps. 2 years have already gone by since Dad died, and I'm afraid they will turn it down based on that alone. But I have been misinformed by local VA. It wasn't until doing some digging that I found that golden caveat being his death was due to his disability. Directly it wasn't, but he would be alive had he hadn't taken that fall as he did weekly due to his growing weakness in his legs. He was also subject to exposure to Agent Orange and Mom could receive back pay on his behalf due to a new law regarding disabled vets. I am going to burn out, spin out and end up dying from stress related means if I don't get some help soon. Then who will take care of Mom? But the stress is not allowing me to be what my mom deserves. Are there advocates who donate their time to assist family caregivers? Family of a veteran? My mom is also a veteran, having served in the Army stateside during the Vietnam war, but my dad was there. He was also in the Korean conflict. I need some relief. I'm almost 62 and my body is riddled with disfiguring arthritic pain. combined with what this is doing to my finances and mental health, I beg for help.
Beyond Humble and Harried
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Do You Meet the “4-Ms” For a Surviving Spouse to Qualify?
1) Military: Was your spouse a veteran who served at least 90 days on active duty, at least one day during wartime, with an honorable or general discharge? (Persian Gulf War veterans must have two years of active duty or the full period for which they were called for active duty.)
Did your spouse serve during one of the VA Defined War Periods?
World War II: December 7, 1941-December 31, 1946
Korean Conflict: June 27, 1950-January 31, 1955
Vietnam Era: Nov 1, 1955-May 7, 1975. Veterans that served after August 5, 1964 may have served outside the Republic of Vietnam.
Persian Gulf War: August 2, 1990- date to be prescribed by Presidential Proclamation or law. Persian Gulf veterans must have served active duty for two years or the full period for which they were called for active duty.
2) Medical: Do you have a medical condition causing you to need assistance with activities of daily living?
3) Money: Do you have a net worth at or under $150,538? (Your primary residence and car are exempt. Ongoing, non-reimbursable medical and long term care expenses may reduce your net worth.)
4) Marriage: Were you married to a wartime veteran for at least one year? Were you married to the veteran at the time of his/her death? Have you remained unmarried or did your remarry after January 1, 1971 and your remarriage ended before November 11, 1990?
I don't see anything in there about the Vet's death needing to be related to his disability. Did you get that information from a reliable source?
https://www.va.gov/disability/get-help-filing-claim/
Please think very carefully about your plan to abandon your life to move on to mom's property. And to use YOUR FUNDS to pay off mom's debts. Certainly do not do it with visiting an Elder Law attorney who can advise you about what responsibilities you are committing yourself to.
I see in your profile you say "Mom makes too much to get assistance ". Would she qualify for LTC Medicaid? Are there waiver programs in your state?
Impoverishing yourself financially, physically and mentally does not seem to be a sensible way of handling mom's dementia.
There are law forms in your state that will help with the A and A application. Here is one link I found:
https://wallgrouplaw.com/veterans
Try your local VFW and the American Legion. Maybe someone there is more informed than those at the VA. And take everything with you.
they can help with paperwork and there is no fee for their help.
Many VFW Posts will also have someone that will help with things like this.
Each State also has Veteran's Service Officers. Contact (Your State) Department of Veteran's Affairs.