My DH husband has mid stage Alzheimer's. He has been in a memory care facility for about 2 months. Prior to this he was at home with me where he was delusional, put himself in frequent danger, and was frequently uncooperative. Now in the care facility, he frequently is still uncooperative with taking medications, showering, cleaning up after accidents and now believes that everyone is out to get me. He thinks about beating them up to protect me. He calls several times in the day with the help of an aide. This does help him settle down for awhile, but I think that this is not helping his adjustment or mine. I do visit him about 4 times a week, but it is about an hour drive each way and I didn't think that I can visit more often.
The memory unit is a new addition and the staff are new. They have a difficult time redirecting him and working with him. Any suggestions for all of us.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
First thing, cut down on visits. He will soon lose track of when you were last there. Second thing, don’t always answer the phone. He is no longer the same person he was, and it’s tragic. I’m sure you chose the best place for him, and now it’s time to phase over to letting the professionals do more and more. I’m so sorry this has happened to you but you’ve already been through hell and you need to pull yourself out of that hole. The Talmud says that when a boat is sinking you must throw the passengers a life preserver, but you don’t have to sink with them. Good advice.
Helpful Answer (1)

The staff needs to stop calling you for him. THEY need to learn to redirect him. Even if the facility is new, they should have hired experienced staff. If not, its the facilities responsibility to have them trained to care for residents with Dementias. They are a Memory Care!

Talk to the head RN. Tell her that you would like these calls to stop. That the only time you should get a call is for an emergency. That the reason he was placed in their facility was you could no longer care for him alone. These constant calls are causing you anxiety and. It also doesn't help him to adjust. He needs to realize this is his home now and that the staff is now responsible for his care. Really, the staff needs to learn how to deal with his problems. As long as ur willing to be a phone call away, you make their job easier because they don't have to deal with him. The one giving him his meds is either an LPN or Medtech. Both should be able to talk a resident into taking a pill. They can put into pudding, into yogurt.

Maybe you can set up a time when your husband can call you on the days that you don't visit. Maybe after the evening meal just before they get him down for the night.
Helpful Answer (2)

You could also leave a stack of cards for him to open when he feels lonely.   I do that for relatives when a major health issue occurs.   I used rubber stamps and added (hopefully) cute sayings to the little (stamped) animals, and added that the cards could be opened if the relative felt sad, lonely, discouraged, or just needed cheering up.

Do you remember MomCat?  I had one stamp of her with her big floppy shoes, and added a comment to the effect that she felt she needed to get more comfortable shoes made especially for cats  - something like that. 


(MomCat playing a guitar - third row, third photo from the left:

I also had some leaping dolphin stamps and added comments to the effect that they were having so much fun leaping out of the water and greeting folks in boats who passed by.    Smiling dolphins always make me smile as well.

You could ask the staff to leave the cards close to your husband's bed, or chair, so that he can easily access them.

Did you also leave any photos of you, and/or the two of you together?
Helpful Answer (0)

I can certainly appreciate how difficult this must be for you.

What about a voice recorder like this one?

It records up to 1 minute. You could record a message assuring him that you’re alright, but out shopping and will be back soon. You will call as soon as you get back. Assure him that you love him, and all is well. The aids can redirect him to listen to it whenever he needs to hear your voice, and fingers crossed, it will tide him over until you call or visit.
Helpful Answer (2)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter