My elderly father is nasty towards me.

My father was nasty to me and anyone else he disagreed with, when he was elderly or at any other time in his life. Believe that it’s what is happening now, and get yourself out of the firing line. Getting abused won't help either of you.

This sounds like my situation. I know dementia can cause this but my dad has been like that towards me since I was a child. I will say this to you, do not wait years to take up for yourself like I did because it will leave you broken. Let your father know that you will not put up with the way he treats you. No one should have to put with nasty words even if the nastiness is coming from a parent.

You don’t mention dad having dementia. Is this a possibility or already diagnosed? If not, there is no reason to ever tolerate poor treatment. Each and every time he’s nasty, leave. You’re an adult, not a child who must obey. We truly do teach others how to treat us. Time to teach him to treat you with respect and kindness by making your help dependent on it. This is still true to some degree even with dementia, just with some further awareness and understanding

You can still be a concerned and caring daughter even if you refuse to take abuse. Your dad is disrespecting your boundaries. He wouldn't put up with upset and nasty behavior from you. Why do you accept it from him?

Perhaps you never learned to let an adult know in a respectful way how he should treat you. That's a people skill, and you can learn it. On the other hand, the change in you will probably create more problems with your dad because his people skills may begin and end with being upset and nasty when others don't do what he wants.

Seriously consider moving back where you came from. Dad may need memory care soon, and if I were you, I wouldn't be the one to provide it. Your first priority should be you and your husband, not dad.

I'm sorry you are in this situation and hope things work out well for all of you.

When the Bible said "Honor thy father and thy mother...", it did not mean for any child to become their parent's slave or target for abuse.

That means you do not need to indulge his every whim or endure his nasty behavior.

You're an adult now, and he's the one who now depends on you, so you get to set the ground rules and your boundaries for what you'll put up with.

I’m sorry that your dad is impatient and isn’t kind to you.

Are you living in his home? Is this a temporary arrangement or a permanent one?

Tell us more information. Otherwise, others will be assuming things that may not be accurate.

Wishing you and your family well.

Tell dad to please treat you with the same respect you treat him with or you'll be forced to move back from where you came and he can pay people to put up with him. Or, you'll help him find a nice Assisted Living apartment where he can also wait like a civilized human being for a caregiver to serve his needs.

Dad needs a wake up call and you need to give him one.

You say you moved to Tennessee to help your father, and it seems from what you say that you husband is with you.
Did you and your husband move in with your Dad? Was this something Dad asked you to do, or wanted you to do?

Sometimes an elder thinks it sounds great to have the kids move in. But the inclination is still to think of things as "My house; my rules". The same in fact would be the case had your Dad chosen to move TO you in another state. You would quite naturally feel that your home should have your rules and your Dad should follow those rules.

Living together as a threesome may not work out for you. You will have to see. It's very difficult to live with others, whether they are a sibling, a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend or a roommate. It always requires adjustment.

If you and Dad did communicate really well in the past but are not just at present then I would say this is a time of adjustment. Keep communicating with one another as you adjust.
Wishing you luck. Hope you'll update us as you go.

Why did you move to take care of Dad ?
What are his health issues ? Does he have dementia ?