She has been this way as long as I can remember. I started researching her symptoms a while back but along with her dementia she is really good at manipulating me. I lived alone and I don't have kids. She however didn't care much about me until she needs something. I feel used up. I am burned out. I lose my cool with her because of the constant questions about anything and everything and her not listening to my answers. She talks over me. Interrupts, manipulates and guilts. Insults. Taunts.
Meanwhile, I take her to the Drs. she's had cataract surgeries and God, just name it. There is so much more to this story and I fear for my health. I work and when I'm gone, I think she is fine.
I have been 'ON' for 24/7 for six months. No changes in sight. Thank you for listening.
Really? And if you didn't exist, where would she have gone then?
There is *always* somewhere else for people to go; the trouble is they may not like it. But that's different.
Let's start again: why did your mother need to move in with you? How old is she? And what are her formally diagnosed health issues?
By the way - feel better. It is normal and reasonable to feel sick with anger, frustration and anxiety when you have been this badly stressed for this long. Hugs to you.
You said it all when you said she had no use for you, until she needed something from you.
You have nothing to feel guilty about and just because you don't have children doesn't mean she can move in and take over your life.
Call the counsel of aging in your area and they can direct you to available services and aid.
Please do not let this person you call mom ruin your life, she has shown you over the last six months how it is and it will only get worse.
Those three years were difficult and mom definitely had a narcistic personality disorder. As time elapsed her mobility issues became worse and all the responsibilities became too much for me. I had no help!
After three years of being her caregiver, mom developed a UTI and had to be admitted to the hospital for treatment. During her stay there, I talked to a hospital social worker and told her that I was finding it all too much looking after mother with no help. I also needed a knee replacement and was suffering myself.
The hospital social worker helped me find a nursing home for mom and she was admitted as a patient. This was wasn't easy because she became very angry that I was not taking her home.
A few months after her admittance to the home, I had my first knee replacement at the age of 60. Second knee replacement was at age 63.
Like you, I felt used up and burned out. She was never nice to me and didn't appreciate my self-sacrifice to see that all her needs were met. She went on to live another three years at the nursing home and demanded that I bring her home-made meals because she disliked the facility food.
Before mom passed away on my birthday, she did say she loved me. I had never heard her say that to me before. A week before her death she said "I don't want to go through this!".
There will come a time when you will need to ask for help. Your sanity and health is at stake!
You will be bitter, angry and resentful and it will only get worse over time. What if she lives another 20 years? Can you put your life on hold to take care of this mean selfish woman?
Please find help with your local senior service and have them direct your steps to get Mom on medicade and put her in a home. I know you will be frightened to do this, you will be abused and accused of abandoning her and many other things. You will guilty I am sure, but no one should have to live with this type of treatment. Saying prayers for you.
It is very important that you do this with an attorney so you are not charge with abandoning an elderly person. I totally understand the hell you must be going through.
I know of young women whose fathers had abandoned them and their mothers. But when these young women are ready to marry, they say "I want my Daddy to walk me down the aisle"! They want to "dream" that their fathers who never even sent child support ,really loved them.
Al of us have been brainwashed to think that we are responsible for our parents even though I understand that the law says no adult is responsible for another adult.
A stepmother who beats her adopted children is not a mother and I don't think needs to be treated as a loving mother. I believe that the Bible says to "honor thy father and thy mother", not to obey them and in biblical times, I doubt if most parents even made it to age 50 or 60 so there was no dementia issues to even consider.
For the record, I took care of my maternal grandmother, and both of my parents until they died and it was an honor. But they never raised their voices to me. My mother who was an only child, wasn't emotionally able to care for her own mother (my grandmother). I was the only daughter in an Italian family so I stepped up. It cost me dearly in emotional health because I was doing it while coping with OCD, Clinical Depression and Adult ADD. but my mother did tell me about 5 years before she died at age 93 that she didn't want me to give up my life for her. It was a little late since I was already in my '60's but I'm glad that she said it.
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