He is very private, and will not share any health-financial information with me. I've tried the being nice method, no success. Then I attempted the direct to the point way, and he just clammed up after that.
Recently he has approached me asking for money for daily living. I gave him some but now I worry that this will start a procession of asking for money all the time, I don't mind helping him, but not knowing what his financial standing for now and the future is driving me crazy.
Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this ?
This is the second new topic within a week featuring a parent asking a geographically distant child for money but refusing to share basic information. By the way.
lend it, and never ask about it.
That’s a true friend.
our reason assuming, theirs trust and hope.
My preference is to be straight about it and just explain in a calm and caring way that all seniors need backup plans in case they get sick and need help AND that, it worries you that he seems to be struggling financially and ask why. The way he handles it, might provide you with some clues.
You might also get a legal consult with an Elder Law attorney in the jurisdiction where he lives, to see if they have any suggestions.
You might go online to see if he has any unpaid property tax bills. Sometimes, they go unpaid if the senior is not able to manage all the bills.
I think your concern is valid. I would not give him any more money without full disclosure of his health and financial status, and in fact him signing a POA financial and health. If you are the one who will be helping him as he ages, that you need those documents.
Are you able to visit him and make an assessment for yourself? Is he managing housekeeping and meals? Are his bills paid? Does he gamble or drink? Does he take care of his health? Does he have any social life? Does he have a trusted friend/pastor/lawyer you could contact and who would help your father understand he needs these documents?
If he has dementia or any progressive disease, like heart disease, he will need more and more care. More specific information about his health/situation would be helpful for responders. Good luck!
If he's been donating to charities, he needs to stop.
If there is a genuine need for assistance, then help him to find it. He might be eligible for Medicaid and 'food stamps' as well as cash.
Take every step you can before you send money - once you start, you are taking on a responsibility that will be difficult to stop.
I, too, would give him no more money telling him you need to see his finances.
Being suspicious if that is what your gut instinct is, is ok. Often times elders are preyed upon or they send their money to schemes etc. so it’s best to ask.
do you or anyone in the family have a POA in place in case you need to handle finances? Does he have any signs of dementia?
if you feel like you absolutely are bound to send money you could send a gift card to a local grocery store. That way you know where the money goes.
i say this because my husband's half sister who he didn’t grow up with asked him for money as they were behind on house payments and would lose their home. He gave them several thousand. Guess what happened? They squandered it and lost their home. In hindsight he wishes he’d made the checks out to the mortgage bank.
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