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Father is in early stage of Dementia. My Father has drank most of his life. He is not what I would consider an alcoholic in his senior years. However, with physician input he can have an occasional drink. I am seeking placement in a Personal Care Home, the homes have a no alcohol rule. I THINK THIS IS ACTUALLY A GOOD RULE. Father feels he is losing one of his freedoms and Father knowing there is a no alcohol rule has caused an issue with Father accepting a Personal Care Home. I realize part of acceptance is also not wanting to leave home. I plan to consult with his physician. Has anyone had to navigate this situation?

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I think the key phrase here is uncontrolled drinking. Have one, wanting another, wanting another, wanting another until you pass out. Then waking up and starting again.

I have a couple of beers every day and am far from alcoholic, those two beers are controlled. And they are drunk over the course of four hours. No where near intoxication. Maybe a beer every 30 minutes would lead to intoxication? I don't know, never drank uncontrollably.

I have lived with an alcoholic and I definitely know what one is!

L was in assisted living an had a couple of glasses of Kendall Jackson Reserve Chardonnay each night. He had a little fridge in his room. I would buy him a case to him every three months or so. He was not an alcoholic, he just enjoyed his KJ. No harm in that.
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Place dad where he can have his nightly cocktail if he chooses to do so. Thats my advice. Keep looking around until you find a place with more lenient rules
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I would check around. Every facility that I looked into for my dad allowed alcohol with a doctors okay, board and care were byob. Larger facilities had nightly happy hour, 2 drink limit. I would try to find one that allows him a drink or two.

Just so you know, someone that drinks every day is an alcoholic. He may not be a slobbering drunk but, he is an alcoholic. Understanding this will help you with placing him and his upset over losing his alcohol.
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Geaton777 Sep 2021
ITRR, I understand how one would believe that "...someone that drinks every day is an alcoholic" but please understand that it is the NEED to drink every day. My Italian-American family had 1 glass of wine with their meal every night. I guarantee you none of them (including me) are alcoholics. But if they HAD TO have wine every day, it is another story. We can forego without having a problem. Many years ago my husband rented a home where the owner/roommate allowed his "down and out" buddy to live in the basement after he lost his job. JW drank a case of beer *every other day* (religiously) and felt that this technically made him not an alcoholic. But he never broke his "schedule".

Here's a medical definition of alcoholism:
"A chronic disease characterized by uncontrolled drinking and preoccupation with alcohol. Alcoholism is the inability to control drinking due to both a physical and emotional dependence on alcohol. Symptoms include a strong need or urge to use alcohol. Those with alcohol use disorder may have problems controlling their drinking, continue to use alcohol even when it causes problems, or have withdrawal symptoms when they rapidly decrease or stop drinking."
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