My friend keeps dying and getting resuscitated in my house and it's terrifying. Thoughts?
I've been caring for a very sick friend in my house for the past two years. I have autism myself and I'm disabled as well. Yet I'm her only caregiver. I am no relation to her, and I only took her in because her own husband kicked her out and she has nowhere to go at all.
She has severe epilepsy with major and minor seizures every single day. She's also on a lot of opioid pain medications that cause her to become semi-conscious or unconscious at random times every day. When she's semi-conscious and confused after a seizure, she does dangerous things around the house if I don't watch her like a hawk. Thus I must be with her 24/7 and assist her with basic things such as eating and bathing. She can't do anything by herself and I have to literally spoon-feed her as she cannot hold a spoon steady in her hands.
But lately it's gotten so much worse, as I've been finding her in the mornings when I wake up, not breathing and lack of life signs. This results in my calling 911 around 7 am every day to resuscitate her. It is also terrifying because I feel like I might wake up to a permanently dead person and in no way am I mentally ready for that.
On top of that horror, apparently her social worker is now of the opinion that she's unconscious every morning because I've been abusing her and knocking her out with physical violence. This, despite lack of any bruises or signs of violence on her body. I am terrified I'm going to become the subject of a murder investigation soon.
I'm just exhausted and scared!
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Other folks have recommended that you do NOT take her back to your home. You need to call the ER as soon as she leaves via 911/EMS, and ask for the ER social worker or discharge planner. It is that person's job to get the person out of the ER - home with services, transferred to a different care setting, or admitted to an inpatient medical bed.
It may be that in the ER she presents as capable of making her own decisions, says she wants to go back to you and that you take care of her and that it is working well.
"I refuse to take her back in my home. It is not a safe discharge." Repeat again and again if pressure is applied to take her back for any reason.
That SW sounds misguided at best...call the agency that is listed on her business card - she did leave one, I hope - and tell them that you will not allow that SW in. your home, and that your friend is not returning to your home.
The SW will have to defer to whatever the medical team recommends.
Take care. You've done the best you can for 2 years..it is OK to step aside so she can receive the care she needs. It is more than a lay person can provide.
One of your options to find safe housing for this friend is to contact the local PD, EMS, county, and/or state organizations addressing elder and/or opiate addiction, and ask for guidance on finding a suitable placement for her.
I assume she has no relatives?
Who prescribes the opiates for her? You might contact that physician and ask for his/her help, explaining the situation. He/she could also make recommendations to governmental authorities for involvement.
This is way, way beyond anything that is reasonable for your own health, and for hers. Protect yourself and her at the same time by reaching out to governmental agencies for assistance.
And please remember that you're not abandoning her; on the contrary, you're looking for help for her.
She is too young and probably too cognitively able to come under the county's guardianship. Therefore, since it is your house, you can evict her so that she can't come back to yours. The SW will help her with resources on sober houses and programs and financial aid. The kind of life-saving help she needs is NOT what you are doing for her, she needs something altogether different. You came here for advice and unanimously everyone has advised: DO NOT LET HER LIVE WITH YOU. DO NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER CARE (she has other options, she just doesn't like them). You are not responsible for her happiness.
The others have given you good advice about getting your friend OUT of your house now & into some other type of care facility moving forward. No time like the present to let yourself OFF the hook here before you find yourself in trouble FGS!
Just wanted to offer support and wish you the best of luck with this situation and taking your own life back now!
Having said that, I should look for the blessing in disguise here. Of course you aren't abusing your friend, but if this gets the burden of her care off your hands and into better qualified ones then welcome it.
If SW not with APS then call APS. Next time u call 911, tell them to take her to the hospital. This is happening too often, she needs to be looked at by a doctor. If the hospital calls, tell them you are no longer able to care for her, that the State will need to take over her care. Give them husbands info if they r still married. He is legally responsible for her. Then hang up. Block the Hospital from calling you. If they do send her back by taxi. Refuse to take her and tell the driver to return her to the hospital.
NOW the kindest thing you can do is talk to her and her Social Worker and tell them that you can no longer care for her and provide a safe environment for her to live in. Inform the case worker that having her in your house is not safe for you either (mental and emotional health is just as important as physical health)
If the paramedics take her to the hospital the next time they have to revive her tell the Social Worker at the hospital that she can not be released to your care. Give the Social Worker the name of the case worker and they can discuss discharge arrangements.
Under no circumstances should you pick her up, sign any discharge papers or accept any responsibility for her care.
Do not allow them to send her back.