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Incontinence products have changed so much from the ones your grandmother may remember, I would pick up couple of different kinds - pads and pull ups - as well as some wipes, and bring them to her, then sit down and have a conversation. Keep it matter of fact, woman to woman - be brief and discrete and no arguing! If she prefers to continue as she was rather than embrace the solution then in my opinion there is more going on than stubbornness.
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shad250 Apr 2019
Brief and discrete Lol. Nice to put some humor in what is a sad situation.
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No this is not normal when people get older!

But... Why would you talk to your grandfather about it, rather than your grandmother?

If your grandmother is wetting and soiling herself and making impractical attempts to prevent its being a problem, then it seems clear that she *knows* there is a problem but doesn't know what to do about it. It must be very embarrassing and worrying for her.

You don't say how old she is, but at any age fecal incontinence is unusual and serious (whereas stress incontinence leading to urine leaks, for example, is very common indeed, especially in women). How long has this been going on? Can you gently ask her whether she has seen her doctor recently, as an ice breaker?

The thing is. She could have chronic diarrhoea, she could have a uti, she could have all kinds of treatable things that are causing the problem. She could have a neurological issue that means she doesn't feel "urgency" - she doesn't realise it's happening until it's too late, that is. It could be anything! But what is certain is that a LOT can be done to help her, but not unless she tells someone about it.

So don't feel mean, show her that you're concerned - not about your furniture or about whether she showers enough, but about her health and wellbeing.

You have a baby of your own. You're not just her granddaughter any more, you're an adult woman taking an intelligent interest in your loved one's health. It *is* awkward, I agree, but remember that the less embarrassment you show, the less she'll feel. It's a practical matter with practical answers, so stick tight to that and talk to her in private.
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shad250 Apr 2019
Husband makes her feel bad when she has these acidents so she tries to cover this.
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SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS:

"Incontinence can develop for MANY reasons ... not always old age and/or dementia. Let's look into it!"

"Lots of active, healthy people have bladder issues. No shame in that! Let's find out why, and find out what might help."

In some cases, incontinence is caused by an underlying, *treatable* condition. Un-diagnosed or uncontrolled diabetes, for one. So if she has not been examined, she should be.

Good luck!
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It sounds as though it’s time for your grandmother to go into Depends or another similar product. The usual way is to take all her ‘normal’ underwear and replace it with the new normal, so that she can’t go searching for the familiar things. Could you talk it through with your grandfather?
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SummerEvening Apr 2019
That sounds simple enough but she is not that far gone. She functions normal socially and I wouldn't even know how to go about doing that. She would surely get angry and insulted and go to the store and buy some new normal underwear.
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