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He often fumbles and I am unsure if I am actually helping by offering suggestions. Is it better to just let him try to find the word on his own?

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My sister has stage IV breast cancer but no mental diagnosis. She calls everything “a pump” when she can’t recall a word. Or she will say “oh, you
know”. There are times I just have to tell her I don’t know what she is referring to. It can get very frustrating. I try to let her fnd the word, but I find others looking to me to understand her and that makes her upset. We just do the best we can.
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Reply to Kcassc
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My husband does the same word searching. I wait a bit and see if he can find the words he's looking for. If he can't and looks frustrated, I then try to help. Usually he's happy when I fill in the blanks.
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Reply to JanPeck123
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Starfish2295: Perhaps finding the exact word is not as important as a fine balance of keeping your DH (Dear Husband) happy, i.e. show love instead of offering a word suggestion.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Don't complicate the situation if possible. If it's really important, he'll get it out. The mind is broken and has interruptions,only he knows what he wants to say. Maybe a list of things that he might want so he can point at it? Not that he might not understand that either. Pictures of things that he usually refers to might help. I know that look though, it's not you. It's him,he's angry because he's fighting for the words that just aren't coming to him. Don't take it personally.
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Reply to JuliaH
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My husband has a traumatic brain injury and often struggles for the right word. He will look at me and expect me to fill in the missing word. He appreciates that rather than continuing to struggle and he can finish his thoughts. Sometimes when he is on the phone, he will even seek me out in a different room to supply the word he needs. All depends on the person. You be the judge of his frustration level. Best of luck.
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Reply to joleperk
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Sometimes the words just come to us elderly generation, after much brain fog. Sorry about the diagnosis.
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Reply to Cklaney2013
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Only you know your father if helping would exasperate him further. I help my dad sometimes if he has a moment
then leave it
try a little and see if he appreciates it
if not then stop
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Reply to Jenny10
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Just my opinion if you can help in a nice respectful way then help like when they can’t find the right word or name of someone. . But often my wife would be in another world talking about things that are not true or never happened in those cases I think it is best to let it slide and not say anything.
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Reply to Sample
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MikeinTexas Nov 1, 2024
Agree with Sample. If my wife suffered from a brain bleed and now has vascular demensia. If she is having confabulations, false memories, we try to let it go without comment. But if she wants something or help, I'll ask her to tell me more about what she wants. Recently peanut butter was her word for Kleenix... some are more difficult to discern than others. All trial and error with no ight answers. Good luck.
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Just tell them the word they dont need the stress of trying to figure it out .
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Reply to KNance72
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This is a personal "at the moment" decision.
You've been with hubby for a while, and have entered this particular "journey" with him, and so you are the EXPERT now on him.
You know when his word-search is something that he is just mulling and thinking about.
You know when he is expressing frustration.
When the latter is present and he is looking at a Nasturtium, say and he says "Look at the color on that.....................ummmmmmmmmm...........hydrangea............no, no, no.....that's a ..............WHAT is that???!!!!" You can gently say "nasturtium?"
Just answer slowly, with gentleness, and a calming tone.
Or say "I am not sure what you mean?". But just keep a calming tone if able.

If the language and the aphasia is more and more a problem, ask doc for an evaluation you will attend also with OT speech therapist. There may be videos about dealing with expressive aphasia and word-searching online. Teepa Snow is great to watch for communication hints. There should be things online if you search-bar "word searching/neuro.

When this occurs for our loved ones it is very frustrating. We can't believe we can't come up with the word. It causes anxiety. So do whatever keeps things calmest and if you know what he means, don't correct.
Good luck. We do the best we can.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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sometimes when I do try to help by offering a suggestion, he becomes very irritated because it is not what he means. It is difficult to see when this happens so I was unsure if I was helping or not.
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Reply to Starfish2295
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lealonnie1 Oct 31, 2024
You are not helping if he's irritated when you do! Let HIM struggle to find the right word or ASK you for help.
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My late husband also had aphasia after he had a massive stroke at the age of 48 and lived to be 72, and he struggled all the time to find the right word(s), so yes I did try and figure out what he was trying to tell me all the time. Sometimes I got it right and sometimes I didn't.
And sometimes he would get irritated when I couldn't figure it out and sometimes he didn't, and we would just laugh about it.
Although I must say that over time I did get pretty good at being a mind reader for him and was usually able to figure out what he was trying to tell me.
So I say yes, try and help him find the word. It will make both your lives a little easier and hopefully keep you both from getting frustrated too often.
God bless you as you walk this journey with your husband.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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If he’s wanting to express himself, no harm in gently offering a word now and then. Saves him from frustration.
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Reply to Fawnby
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