My husband is 87 (I am 67) and we’ve been married 42 years. He has always been very fit with no chronic health issues until he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s following a cycling accident. Since then he developed dementias that are now extensive. I have him home with me and we have 24/7 care. He is now confined to a wheelchair, can no longer walk without assistance and is losing the ability to speak. However, he does think about sex a lot even though he is unable to move much. I am still working to help offset the financial costs. I had to start sleeping in another room because he is up and restless most nights preventing me from getting rest and he is imagining I am “entertaining” in another room and each time I leave the house he worries I’m “entertaining” even though I send “real-time” pictures and videos showing where I am and who I am with. He loves me and he knows I love him but he can’t shake these fears. Is this a “stage”; hiw do others handle and reassure their spouses?!
When she went into the facility, she became obsessed with sex. 90% of her conversations were about how the residents and staff of the nursing home were all involved in group sex. I finally had to tell her one day to be a lady and ladies don’t talk like that. It helped, for a while. But, like your husband, she obsessed.
I learned there is nothing you can do to dissuade someone with dementia who is obsessing about something. Redirection is the key. Yiu can tell him and tell him that you love him and he’s the only one for you but in five minutes he won’t remember. Start talking about what happened at work, something amusing that has nothing to do with sex. If he becomes anxious or belligerent, speak with his doctor about anti anxiety meds. Good luck. I know it’s no fun.