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Should I explain to him all the areas that led to this diagnosis. Personality changes, obsessive behavior, anger issues, recently cussing. He just is not aware of all these issues. Should I tell him ?
What I told my Dad was that of course you recognize changes in yourself as you've gotten older. Ears don't work like they used to do we got you hearing aids. Balance isn't as good so you got exercises to do. Old dentures got loose so we got new ones for you. Getting older often makes parts of your brain shrink and that is what is causing your forgetfulness that you are noticing. I asked what he thought might work for him to help with that and he wanted a clipboard and a new set of pens. I know it won't solve the real issue but he's happy to have something that he believes helps him and he seems content with the explanation.
My mom is in the very early stages of dementia. She keeps a daily log including meds, meals, trips to the BR, mail received, visits, everything. It keeps her busy, helps her affect, and she refers back to it when she is trying to figure out when her next dose of meds is. I hope the clipboard and pens help!
You’ll likely get varied responses on this. I’m not a believer in discussing dementia with a person dealing with dementia, as they are progressively losing the ability to reason and process logical information. They often forget new information or misunderstand and turn it over and over or into something else entirely. It’s not important that they believe it, it exists whether it’s believed or not. You’re better off learning ways to redirect him and work with his doctors to find the best ways to calm the anger. I wish you peace on such a difficult journey
That probably wouldn't help the situation. One reason is that after you tell him (again, I presume), he'll forget it again. And again.
Unfortunately, though there's certainly a compunction to help our spouses to understand what's going on and what we are going through, they are no longer capable. I'm sorry, OP, but the truth is that their illness becomes our little red wagon to pull.
One reason we want to keep explaining to them is that we hope for support for what we're going through as a result of their dementia. After all, we always confided in our spouses when we felt unsure or needed help before, right?
However, the nature of dementia is often that they deny their problems and lose empathy for others. We're better off seeking support from someone else.
You can explain until you are "blue in the face" or the "cows come home" but explanations are meaningless. He may get it for a fleeting moment, or a few hours or maybe a day. But when that explanation is gone you start over from the beginning. I urge you to contact his doctor and discuss antianxiety medications. If he is on one maybe adjusting the dose or trying another. (Be VERY cautious if the dementia he has been diagnosed with is Lewy Body Dementia some typical medications given for anxiety for other patients can cause harm to those with LBD) Some things you can say. Your mind is not working the way it should The picture the doctor took of your brain shows that it is a bit fuzzy.
I do urge you to consult with an Elder Care Attorney and make sure all your "ducks are in a row" and that you have all the paperwork you need that will help you care for him in the best way possible. If he is a Veteran contact the Veterans Assistance Commission or the VA and find out if he is entitled to any benefits or services. And if he is a Veteran YOU can get paid to care for him.
What you should tell him is that it looks like he needs some help with a few things now and again. That’s all you really need to say. A lot of people are in denial about it but deep down they know something is wrong. Let him come to accept it in time. No need to bash him over the head with it.
Bounce is correct. It is more common than not that people with dementia are in denial. In fact it is almost a hallmark of the disease when you begin to notice changes, and mention them, that the person reacts vehemently/angrily. People WITHOUT dementia, who are told they seem forgetful, will respond "Oh, really? Do you think so? I wonder if something's happening I am not aware of? Can you tell me what you are seeing? Do you think I should talk with my doc". But someone who really has dementia will likely read you the riot act.
What you can best do now is to educate yourself. I recommend Teepa Snow's videos to you, and there are many support groups on media like facebook for families. There is a huge amount of information online. Oliver Sacks has wonderful writing about the aging brain. The more you can learn the more it will help you now.
There is no reason to try to get hubby to agree that he has dementia. It won't work. He can't understand it and will deny it and make excuses for it, etc. My mom went from MCI to mild dementia, etc. She didn't believe the doc that she has dementia. We just refer to it as her "memory issues". And that it's normal. That's all they need to know. There may be times when he's receptive to knowing what's going on with his brain but if he pushes back, just back off.
"There are no problems with my brain. If there were I would know it".
Anyone else heard that?
Reckon I'd be the same. Trusting what I think..
'Anosognosia' is the name of this condition. It's more than denial, which seems to function as an emotional defence (for protection). Therapy can help break through denial. Not with this...
Anosognosia is lack of insight. Very common with dementa, stroke survivors, ABI & severe mental illnesses (so the Dr told me). I don't think it improves, I am so sorry.
From experience taking care of my father I never did label it as dementia / Alzheimer's, I call it "cognitive challenges". From telling him dementia aggravated him and he became very combative and refused to accept it. I came to realize that there was no reason to label it. Yes he is diagnosed with it, but I refuse to use the word when referring to him, talking to him or his Dr.s or any health care professional.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Unfortunately, though there's certainly a compunction to help our spouses to understand what's going on and what we are going through, they are no longer capable. I'm sorry, OP, but the truth is that their illness becomes our little red wagon to pull.
One reason we want to keep explaining to them is that we hope for support for what we're going through as a result of their dementia. After all, we always confided in our spouses when we felt unsure or needed help before, right?
However, the nature of dementia is often that they deny their problems and lose empathy for others. We're better off seeking support from someone else.
He may get it for a fleeting moment, or a few hours or maybe a day. But when that explanation is gone you start over from the beginning.
I urge you to contact his doctor and discuss antianxiety medications. If he is on one maybe adjusting the dose or trying another. (Be VERY cautious if the dementia he has been diagnosed with is Lewy Body Dementia some typical medications given for anxiety for other patients can cause harm to those with LBD)
Some things you can say.
Your mind is not working the way it should
The picture the doctor took of your brain shows that it is a bit fuzzy.
I do urge you to consult with an Elder Care Attorney and make sure all your "ducks are in a row" and that you have all the paperwork you need that will help you care for him in the best way possible.
If he is a Veteran contact the Veterans Assistance Commission or the VA and find out if he is entitled to any benefits or services. And if he is a Veteran YOU can get paid to care for him.
What you can best do now is to educate yourself. I recommend Teepa Snow's videos to you, and there are many support groups on media like facebook for families. There is a huge amount of information online. Oliver Sacks has wonderful writing about the aging brain. The more you can learn the more it will help you now.
I wish you the best of luck.
More important is for you to make sure all the legal documents are in order before he becomes totally mentally incapacitated.
DPOA, Will with PR, accounts either joint WROS or beneficiaries in place.
You are in for one heck of a ride, strap yourself in!
Wishing you the best, take care of you as well.
Anyone else heard that?
Reckon I'd be the same. Trusting what I think..
'Anosognosia' is the name of this condition. It's more than denial, which seems to function as an emotional defence (for protection). Therapy can help break through denial. Not with this...
Anosognosia is lack of insight. Very common with dementa, stroke survivors, ABI & severe mental illnesses (so the Dr told me). I don't think it improves, I am so sorry.
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