Almost a year ago, my husband with younger onset frontotemporal dementia, started pounding wildly on faces of family members/friends he saw in photos around our home. This violent behavior has progressed to beating on the faces of people on TV and other electronic devices, along with screaming obscenities at the faces, and last week, he actually broke our flat screen tv with his pounding-the whole screen is now black when we turn it on. About a month ago, this disturbing behavior began to include pounding on bathroom mirrors when he sees his own reflection in them. I’m terrified whenever he does this, that the mirrors are going to shatter, and even though I know I shouldn’t react with anger, as it just fuels the bad behavior, I instinctively yell at him to stop it. But he just laughs maniacally, and begins pounding again. He’s much bigger and stronger than I am, and so I try to calm down and explain that I’m afraid the mirror will break and he’ll get hurt, and then try to redirect him to some other room. But I’m on edge constantly, not knowing when he’ll be pounding on some framed photo, device screen, mirror, and even pics of people’s faces in magazines, and the pounding is always accompanied by screaming or screeching swear words at the faces.
My husband’s neurologist has had me start him on a small dose of seraquel to see if that may calm him down, but my question is, where might this hostile behavior stem from? It doesn’t appear that my husband is having any unseen triggers such as pain, hunger, too cold, too warm, boredom, etc. Seeing the faces themselves, seem to be the trigger. He even raps with his knuckles on the photo faces of close family members on the fridge. When I asked him what he’s feeling when he does that, he said “I just don’t like them” and these are photos of our daughter, daughter-in-laws and nieces:-( I have no idea what to do-I can’t take down every photo in our home, not let him look at any magazines or electronic devices where he will see faces, or cover up all the bathroom mirrors! I’m so at my wits end with this nerve wracking behavior, and I can only hope that the seraquel helps to at least diminish it, or cuts down on the number of violent outbursts.
He is suffering from a terrible illnesses, as you know, and his behavior can be resulting from any reason or from no reason at all, but the fact is WHY isn’t really what you need to know right now, but instead, how to protect yourself and keep yourself safe, and how he can be HELPED to reduce this troubling and dangerous behavior, which from your comments, seems to be escalating.
Does your husband’s neurologist know how active your husband’s behavior is? Sometimes when we attempt to describe really inappropriate behavior to professionals, we have a tendency to minimize what we’re seeing, out of respect and a sense of protection for someone whom we love dearly and remember as kind, gentle people before they got ill.
You are not in a position to deal with his current situation this way. Consider how distraught he would be if he were well, and knew that his behavior frightened and distressed you. Would it possible for you to make a video clip of what he’s doing, and leave or send the video to the doctor’s office?
I don’t think it will be possible for you to isolate or modify what triggers this, because it sounds as though it’s a symptom of his condition, but you can report the current situation to his doctor as soon as possible, speaking about your husband’s specific actions, what happens before the outbursts occur, and what happens as he becomes more calm and oriented to his surroundings.
For your own safety, you can make notes of what’s occurring around him before he becomes agitated, and plan what you can do to keep him and yourself safe if his behavior does escalate.
Your husband is fortunate to have you.
I don't have any suggestions for electronic devices unless you can find unbreakable plastic shields. I think there might be some for blue light protection, but I'm not certain on this issue. Places like Best Buy might have them, if they exist.
For magazines, substitute photo magazines, with focus on relaxing natural areas, like forests, or lakes. Perhaps find some with sharks, as he might find an outlet in pounding on them, and there's no way he can hurt a live creature by pounding on photos.
Another thing to consider, although it might inadvertently improve his punching skills, is a boxer's punching bag. Figure out a way to tape photos over it, especially of politicians he doesn't like. The unintended result though might be that he becomes skilled at boxing.
That's just a guess on what might work.
I wonder though what led to this fixation on people. Has he ever mentioned dislike of any of the family members? I don't have that much experience with dementia so perhaps this isn't as unusual as it seems to be.
As to where did it come from: Can you correlate it with political events? Are in you living in an area where political friction has resulted in physical confrontations? We're in times that are challenging everyone, especially this transition time.
Sadly, I think you're facing some really difficult times, and a potential placement out of the home in a controlled environment. A medical institution such as a psychiatric hospital might be better than memory care. I don't know though whether or not they're accepting new patients, other than those brought in by police, which is something I thought of if his violence escalates. It's an option I would investigate.
I wish I could offer some suggestions from experience, as I think those would be more helpful. I do hope you're finding a way to protect your family by keeping them away, and that you also take precautions to protect yourself. If I were in that situation, I think I'd be taking judo lessons. And I mean that seriously.