My mother has an extensive hx of lies, manipulation to the extent she caused the 16 year separation from our oldest sister and her family. Has a long time jealousy of our oldest sister. Who happens to be the daughter closest and most available to help her. Dad died recently. She was successful in keeping Dad "angry" towards us in regards to how she manipulated and twisted what we said or did around her or otherwise. Now, Mom is saying ," where is my Mommy and Daddy." Where is my home." Even when she is in her home and only around myself and my sisters. She spent 2 days and one night with my husband and I and never mention "Mommy and Daddy" or going home. She slept all night in bed and even changed her clothes to pj's without being prompted, etc. Once she went to her house, she started the Mommy and Daddy thing again. She refuses an MRI. Says she is claustrophobic. CT has not been done. She will have an EEG next month and then see a neurologist. I was told an EEG will diagnose Dementia. Please help?
Even got into her pajamas on her own and slept all night? No wandering? No calling for Mommy and Daddy? No asking to go home?
She refuses any testing to find out what might be going on with her?
You're likely getting played. Sure she may very well have some dementia. That's possible, but if she's fine at your house for two whole days, that's an awfully long time for a person with dementia to keep up that level of showtimng. She sounds very much like Fred Sanford on 'Sanford and Son'. He would start grabbing his chest and claiming it's the "Big One" when his son Lamont would catch him out doing something wrong.
She probably wants to move in with you and is manipulating you with a 'performance' so you'll think she can't live on her own anymore and will move her in. Don't fall for that.
Bring up the possibility of taking her to look at some senior living communities and maybe even assisted living. Her reaction to that will tell you a lot.
Keep a close eye on her for a while. Note any nehavioral differences. Ask others who are in contact with her to do the same.
Talk to her doctor about it too. Tell them that she's fine at your house.
Dementia sufferers typically talk a lot about 'going home' and ask about where their deceased parents/relatives/loved ones are. My mother did it ALL the time. And she had a history of VERY embellished stories, pathological lying and lots of manipulation her whole life. A background of mental illness, in my opinion, LENDS itself to developing dementia later on in life. Something is OFF in their brains to begin with, seems like, that makes dementia a foregone conclusion. I have no evidence of this, just something I feel in my bones to be true.
Dementia is not linear with behaviors; in other words, mom can be acting fine one day and unhinged the next. So it's normal for her to be changing into PJs one night and crying for mommy & daddy the next. Nothing odd there, really.
It's hard to separate old manipulative behaviors with new, demented behaviors. Which ones are the old BS type stuff and which ones are the new dementia behaviors? Who knows? A little of each mixed in for fun & games for everyone, is the most logical answer, I think.
EEGs and CTs are not likely to diagnose dementia, unless the CT/ or MRI brain scan shows a ton of white plaques in the brain indicative of Alzheimer's. My mother had tons of normal CTs and MRIs over the years, and had progressive dementia going on with low SLUMs and MoCA scores consistently. I watched her decline dramatically over a 6 year period after she was first dx'ed with dementia in 2016, so the cognition tests were spot on correct (SLUMS and MoCA both). The CTs and MRIs were useless.
Notoriously, dementia patients beg to 'go home' even when they are IN their homes they've lived in for 50 years. They revert in time (in their minds) to when they were 30 or 40 years old, expecting to be in THAT home they were in at that age. And to see those people who were around at that time. Which is why lots of dementia/Alz patients forget who their children are: b/c their children weren't BORN at that time in their mind when they are 20 years old! That's how dementia works; as an age regression type of thing which can fluctuate on a daily basis, too, keeping everyone off balance!
Ask mom to draw the face of a clock showing 4 pm or whatever. If she can do that, she's okay. If she draws a blob, she's likely suffering from dementia b/c that will indicate her Executive Brain function is compromised. EB function is like the conductor of the orchestra; it tells the rest of the brain what to do and when to do it. When it's compromised, the band is confused and lost. That's how it was explained to me back in 2016 when mom drew a blob for a clock. Her EB function was seriously compromised at the time, which is why she was putting her pills in coffee cups to 'take later' and then forgetting to do so. The clock test is rudimentary and certainly no sure-fire diagnosis, but just an interesting test you can ask her to do, as a game, if you will. Hey ma, lets draw a clock and see who does a better job of it!
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
Best of luck to you and to your mom!
I would be very careful. She seems to be a manipulator. If there is no Dementia then she needs to learn to live alone. 77 is not that old.
EEGs do not diagnose Dementia. More of a confirmation to symptoms that have already shown up. I just read that FLD does not even show up on EEGs. An MRI would be the test needed.
If she has a Dementia, then Dad probably covered for her.
I think some forms of dementia can be seen in imaging, but not sure. Things get tricky when someone has a history of personality disorder/mental illness and then symptoms start to mix in with dementia. Even if she gets a dx of dementia, there is no cure for it, only preemptive actions and management. Having a diagnosis does help for future medication and care decisions, and for you/your family to learn to to engage with someone with this disease so that things are the least stressful and most productive as possible. Dementia robs people of their ability to work from reason and logic, and they become less and less unable to bring their minds into a state of calm once they are agitated. Their LOs and caregivers need to help them with this.
Does your mother have all her legal ducks in a row? An assigned DPoA, an Advance Healthcare Directive, Last Will & Testament? If not, I strongly suggest you try to get her to a certified elder law attorney (who will be the one to assess whether she can comprehend what creating these documents mean for her). I wish you all the best as you work towards understanding and solutions.
Perhaps you could suggest that she has a cognitive test etc for dementia. You might need a bribe – moving in perhaps? If she is assessed, it might be worth telling the doctor that you are suspicious, and it might be conclusive one way or the other. If she won’t be tested, it’s another reason to stand your ground. You and your sisters have had years of training in this!
It sounds to me as if your mother is afraid to be alone in her house. Is there anything else going on that has led to her being referred to neurology for investigations? How is her health generally?