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I posted here earlier this week talking about my mom who pressures me into getting pregnant to fulfill her dream of having another grandchild (she has two from my brother).
We haven’t really spoken to one another since we don’t agree in the whole pregnancy thing. I told her my relationship has been rocky and that’s why I don’t want to get pregnant but she won’t listen.


I had a conversation with her around November before Biden became president and it went like this:


Mom - hey. Did you hear they are giving us another stimulus check?


Me - Oh great, for how much?


Mom - it will only be $ 600 this time.


Me - well, at least that’s something. It’s better than nothing.


Mom - You see, people who have kids will receive more money from the government. But you just don’t have any children.


I don’t know why she said that but I’m guessing as a stragedy to convince me that having a kid is great. Well, just today we had a similar conversation again.


Me: Hey. Since you watch the news more than I, do you know when Biden will send us the new stimulus check?


Mom - I think around March


Me - but did the government approved it?


Mom - yes. And your brother will receive around 3,000 per child.


Again, why is she bringing the topic of children? I never even asked how much children are receiving. I find this mean, like she wants to make me feel bad for not having kids. And praising my brother who will receive more while I will receive less.


I am so mad!!!! Do you find her comments disrespectful? How would you react?
Thankfully, I work hard and I will survive without those 3,000 that all people with children will receive.

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Seems like if you were content in your own life and relationship, you’d be better able to take your mom’s comments with a grain of salt. Her comments are being magnified for some reason, you can’t just disregard her musings and move on. There’s a reason for that. Choose to change your life for the better, not relying on “feelings” and you’ll find that comments from others won’t have so much impact
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Well, maybe I overreacted about my mom’s comments but the fact that she pushes when I already said I am not planning on having children is rude.
Maybe if I met the right guy I would like to be a mom, but you can’t force things to happen. Am I just going to get pregnant by a random guy or be a single mom so my mom would consider me normal? Normal to her is a woman who conceives.
By the way, my mom’s marriage with my dad was always rocky and abusive too but my mom stayed with him and had me and my brother hear all their fights and see them unhappy. Till this day my mom is still unhappy and complains about my dad all the time. But she said I was the reason why she stayed.
sorry but I don’t want that for me. I don’t want to be tied with the wrong man forever because we have a child. That’s why I’m trying to make wise decisions and not follow my mom’s path. Leaving a relationship is not easy, especially if you had feelings for the abuser before he became one.
But for my mom it was not a big deal that her children grew up in a negative environment. She wouldn’t do anything to end her marriage or stop the fighting. Hopefully I’ll get out of my relationship soon but the least thing I need is my mom pushing me to have kids for her own selfish needs.
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funkygrandma59 Feb 2021
Please get yourself into some long term counseling, so you don't keep making the same mistakes in your relationships, as your mom did. You deserve so much better.
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I wrote this who long thing, as I am known to do.
Then I read comments below. For me, RealyReal's comment says it all. So read that one again, pretending I said it.
Speaking of really real, I kind of don't think you are. So I guess you can add me to the "really rude and disrespectful" crew in your life.
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Seriously! you're mad because your mom told you how much money your brother is getting and you are all lovey dovey with an abusive man because you love him? Your priorities and perceptions are really screwy.

Please, please never have children.
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She keeps bringing it up because you keep engaging her about topics that she finagles into "give me a grandchild". Stop acting like a child who can't talk back to her mother and reply with a firm "Mother, this is none of your business!" It's none of her business that your relationship is "rocky".

It sounds like you may have wanted kids were it not for your rocky relationship. That can be a hard thing to accept, which is why you may be feeling so hurt by her words. Have you talked with a counselor?
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NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2021
Great response!

I can’t imagine telling either of my daughters to have children just so I could have grandchildren. That’s just crazy!

The OP needs to tell her mom that the topic of children is off limits FOREVER!

I don’t think anyone should fear telling anyone else that their relationship and having a child is a personal subject.

I would like to see the OP leave an abusive relationship before considering having children. A child doesn’t deserve to be born into an abusive household.

Let’s hope she does seek out therapy.

I wish her well, with a happy future with or without children.
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I believe you are overreacting to her comments. And could it be because deep down you really want to have children, but because you haven't found the right man yet(as the one you're with now is abusive) with whom you would want to start a family with, that your moms comments strike a cord a little to close to home? Just an observation, from an outsider looking in.
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No one is getting $3,000 per child. You mom doesn't know what she's talking about, but as you know never respond to an elder who mentions anything to do with politics or hot-button social issues. When that Pandora's Box is opened no one is ever able to close it.
You will probably get these kinds of snide, passive-aggressive comments from your mother until you're done with menopause and can no longer have a baby. You can take on a 'whatever/don't care' attitude when around your mother, or you can tell her that if she's going to carry on about you having a baby that she will not see or hear from you very often. I'm guessing she'll start keeping her thoughts about grandchildren to herself when you're around.
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Why is she bringing up the topic of children be d***ed - why did you consult her about the stimulus check? You're not telling me she's your best source of information, no matter how much time she spends glued to the tv news.

And no, I can't see her comments as disrespectful. A touch obsessional, perhaps, but it certainly isn't news to you that she believes your life would be enhanced by motherhood. When she whitters on about how financially profitable it is she is really scraping the barrel! - anybody who thinks they'll be up on the deal has been sadly misinformed - but what about it?
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NYDaughterInLaw Feb 2021
What is "d***ed"?
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Since you can't change your mom's tune about kids, I really think you need to change your reaction.

While I agree her comments are, in the very least, disrespectful, if you are happy and comfortable with your decision to not have children, then be at peace with that decision. You are the only one who knows what is best for you; even if mom *thinks* she knows what's best.

I think part of why she keeps saying these things is because she knows she gets a rise out of you. The next time the subject comes up where she tells you brother will be getting more money because he has kids, just tell her "that's great, mom, he probably needs the money more than I do, what with his kids and all. And just think - he'll just have to spend most of his money on the kids, I can spend mine all on me!"

BTW, just having kids doesn't guarantee a check in hand - we were told by the IRS we have to claim a tax credit on our upcoming income taxes rather than actually getting the money.
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Seems to me like this is a touchy subject for you. Are you possibly overreacting due to your own sensitivity about the topic?
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Disheartened after reading this. I think this increase in rude behavior is a part of aging. You should make her more happy by planning an outing, try to create a happy atmosphere in house. Speak with your brother and tell him to come to your house with his children. I think after seeing and playing with her grand children makes her more active.
If these ideas doesn't workout, then may be she is suffering any aging problem which affect the brain and thereby change overall attitude.
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NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2021
Her daughter can’t “make” her more happy.
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It is hurtful to hear these words from your mom.

Next time she says something like that, say to yourself, “Consider the source.”

This is who she is. This is her character. I doubt that you are surprised by her comments.

I know it hurts. I am not trying to make light of her behavior but by now you can hardly expect her to act any differently.

Don’t stoke the fire.

You may want to even say something facetious back to her like, “Mom! You will be happy to hear that I am pregnant with quintuplets! Isn’t it wonderful?

Stupid remarks deserve to be ignored or you can dole out absurd comebacks!
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notgoodenough Feb 2021
Pregnant with quadruplets that I'm going to drop off every day with you to babysit, since you want more grandkids so badly!!!
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I think everyone who responded to your last post is in agreement that your mother is totally out of line with her behavior. Why are you continuing to discuss anything with her?? Have you considered she may have dementia?

The 2nd stimulus payments were sent out in early January for most of us, a whopping $600 per adult and child, for those who qualify. A family would have to have 3 children and 2 parents in order to get a total of $3000 in stimulus money.
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