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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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"going home" may mean to a time when they were well and able to care for themselves. "going home" can mean she wants to be safe. Reassure her that she is safe. Reassure her that this is her home also. If she still insists that she wants to "go home" tell her that it is getting late and she better stay the night. Help her get ready for bed, pointing out that her things are all right there, night gown (or pj's) toothbrush, hair brush...so she must have planned on spending the night anyway. As well as a change of clothes for the next day. Tell her that you will have a little breakfast in the morning and not to worry.
AKdaughter77, I heartily second your suggestion of talking to your parent about "home" and what s/he means by that and what she remembers, and ideally lead her through time to the present if possible. But why feel awful about lying? - there's no lying involved, it's just that the truth is complicated.
I agree with the others. I took a seminar on people with dementia. Trying to get them to accept the reality won’t work. You’re best bet is to distract her or get her to talk about where “home” is to her and what she’d like to do there. See if it’s an activity you can reproduce somehow. It’s awful having to lie to someone you care about but just remember, she won’t know you are lying. I took the class because my dad started in his early 80s telling me his dreams that featured him trying to get back home (he doesn’t have dementia yet!) so that when he did decide to “wander” or complain about not being “home” I would be better prepared to know where he meant. Turns out it was his first house he had when he was a young man in California. They also advised keeping all cash and credit cards out of reach so that the person can’t catch a bus to wherever they’re trying to get to. It was sponsored by The Cleveland Clinic. Worth looking into.
Keefer, time to start using what we call "therapeutic fibs". Tell Mom "your house needed repairs and they haven't finished". Don't say anything more. Chances are your Mom will accept that, and forget about it until she asks once again. Use the same fib. You can try others such as "the street is being re-paved", or what you feel will work best.
I had to do that for my Mom who at 98, living in a nursing home, and wanted to go visit her parents. I found she accepted when I said "your parents are visiting the old county", she would smile and say "that is nice".
Wanting to go home is a very common request for someone with dementia. It can mean many things. She may be uncomfortable in her surroundings, or may not recognize or be able to relate to where she is. It could be a sign of anxiety, you just don't know. She may be thinking of her old home as a youngster. There is no place she would recognize as home.
There are some things you could try. What won't work is telling her that she is home. Ask her to tell you more about home. Something like, “You must miss home, tell me about it”. Ask what does she like about home. If it's always at 7:30, which may indicate some sundowning also, you might say, “It's a little too late right now, we'll go tomorrow”, then redirect her attention to have a snack, watch TV, go for a walk. You might even try taking a short drive and returning.
Learn more about dementia and what other behaviors you can expect.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"going home" can mean she wants to be safe.
Reassure her that she is safe.
Reassure her that this is her home also.
If she still insists that she wants to "go home" tell her that it is getting late and she better stay the night. Help her get ready for bed, pointing out that her things are all right there, night gown (or pj's) toothbrush, hair brush...so she must have planned on spending the night anyway. As well as a change of clothes for the next day.
Tell her that you will have a little breakfast in the morning and not to worry.
I had to do that for my Mom who at 98, living in a nursing home, and wanted to go visit her parents. I found she accepted when I said "your parents are visiting the old county", she would smile and say "that is nice".
There are some things you could try. What won't work is telling her that she is home. Ask her to tell you more about home. Something like, “You must miss home, tell me about it”. Ask what does she like about home. If it's always at 7:30, which may indicate some sundowning also, you might say, “It's a little too late right now, we'll go tomorrow”, then redirect her attention to have a snack, watch TV, go for a walk. You might even try taking a short drive and returning.
Learn more about dementia and what other behaviors you can expect.