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My 94 year old Mom with Parkinson’s dementia lives with me and is becoming more paranoid every day. She used to accuse me of taking her things. Now that she has aides she is accusing them of taking things and then if she finds what she is looking for she says the aide put it back.
Recently she accused the nighttime aide of letting her boyfriend into my Mom ‘s apartment. It is simply not true. The aide is very upset that my Mom is saying this about her.
An aide already quit because of my Mom’s paranoia.
How do I navigate this situation so that my Mom understands that what she is doing is wrong and that the aides don’t quit on me?

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You can not convince mom that she is wrong. Either in what she is doing or in the delusions she has.
This is part of who she is now and part of the dementia that she has.
I am surprised that the Aides have quit over this.
My gut thought is they have no idea what working with a patient/client is like that has PD dementia. If these are from an agency I suggest that you talk to the agency and request caregivers that are aware of the "quirks" of someone with PD and dementia.
Telling mom she is wrong will just upset her, upset you, frustrate both of you and lead to an argument that you will not "win".
If mom is on meds for the delusions, anxiety and paranoia you might want to talk to her doctor about the increasing delusions if they are in fact increasing.
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I am surprised at the number of aids pushed so out of shape by this quite common occurence in an elder suffering from mental loss. And of course when there are mental deficits, you ability to change the mind of your elder is going only to result in more suspicion and paranoia.

I would explain ahead of times to your workers that this is a manifestation of her illness, and to be expected. They SHOULD be somewhat versed in this.

I am sorry it is occurring, but I doubt it will change.
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You need to hire caregivers who are experienced with the paranoid accusations that come along with dementia, or place her in Memory Care Assisted Living. No way you'll "fix" this issue or make mom understand anything. That ship has sailed and all you can do now is keep her as relaxed as possible. The issues lie with inexperienced caregivers here...not with a 94 yo elder with PD dementia! The caregivers at my mom's MC had tons of tricks up their sleeves to distract and redirect elders who were acting out and upset. That's the key here.

As her decline worsens, you may want to call in hospice for an evaluation and extra help for both you, mom, and the caregivers she winds up with.

In the meantime, I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:

https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

Good luck! 
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bethny58 Apr 2023
Thank you. That’s very helpful info.
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I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

My mom also lived with me. She had Parkinson’s disease and dementia.

Have you spoken to her doctor about medication to help calm her fears? My mom took Ativan and Seroquel which helped her.

Everyone will react differently to drugs so you will have to discuss it thoroughly with her doctor.

Best wishes to you and your mom.
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bethny58 Apr 2023
My Mom’s neurologist recently passed away ( who would have believed she would outlive her doctor). Anyway she has an appointment to establish care with a new neurologist and I will ask him about the possibility of additional medication. Thank you.
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