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When she lived in an AL in another state, she was constantly complaining of people stealing. She would not leave her room for fear of someone immediately going in. After moving here , I know some of the theft was unfounded as I located the items. Others were gone.



When she started complaining, (as in look, someone has moved this) after moving to my state, I was able to say, "We are not in Arizona… we are not going down that road again." She stopped.



Now, her current AL has hired caregivers of black and Mexican decent… and it’s starting. My mom is obviously prejudiced. I cringe…



My mom has hallucinations. Is on medication. They are upping her dose. She fell the other day, told the hospice nurse someone pushed her. Her knitting has been falling off the needles when she sets it down, so someone “must be doing this.”



What do I tell her when she complains of theft? Do I tell her her brain/memory is starting to falter? When I explained the other day that the AL nurse did not take her nail polish, and that her nail kit indeed had been sitting out when I was there, my mom got ugly. The theft paranoia was so bad that an AL here rejected her after talking to her old AL in Arizona.



As far as the hallucinations, I tell her, "I think your eyes are going bad," whenever I have to acknowledge them



Thoughts ???

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.My thought is that it really doesn't matter how you respond to Mom. She is going to believe what she believes. This is perhaps the most COMMON complaint of those with dementia, and there's little to be done about it. This is why the ALFs all suggest that you cannot keep things of value in your room. It is sad, but there is little to be done about it.
You can be completely honest with your Mom that this is more than likely a figment of her failing faculties. That won't help. And you can say "Oh, really. So your cloisonne vase is missing? I hope it turns up". And THAT won't help. The truth is that there is little help for this.
I do think you may soon be contacted by the ALF telling you that Mom's dementia may require a move up to memory care, so that's kind of my first worry. I would make as little of all of it as you can so that she doesn't have an "argument" to keep all this in her mind. You want all this to fade as quickly as it can.
I still recall and often recall here my partner's Mom before she died. She was at home, on a reverse mortage, with some help, and a very faithful long time housekeeper named Wilma. And suddenly it was "such and such is missing! Wilma took it".
Now we ourselves are in our early 80s and things of course are misplaced here and there. We just look at one another, smile, and say "Wilma took it".
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babsjvd Mar 24, 2022
Thank you! I should have said she is in memory care… my mom has nothing of real value. Keeps her door locked so no one is wandering in. She certainly doesn’t wander out….

like I said I just cringe when she starts the theft talk. Forever and a day she has accused people, even knowling on purpose to cause trouble… for some reason I can handle the hallucinations, but the theft allegations are really hard on me. Maybe because of her I’ll intent with my sisters and who ever was her target…
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