My mom has taken care of my grandma literally her entire life. My grandma has lived with my mom since my mom was a young adult, she's now almost 50. It's left my mom no room for a personal life, and my mom always struggles with money, balancing time, and her own health issues, but she can't really do anything about it because of grandma. We all live at home so that doesn't really help either, unfortunately. My mom has tried and tried to get her out but my grandma refuses. She's not disabled and doesn't have anything like dementia or anything that I know of. She is old, chain smokes, complains about everything, ruins everyone's day, manipulates my mom and tries to do the same to us. My mom has 2 other siblings that could take care of her, but my grandma still refuses and always makes some completely BS excuse that make no sense. I live in Ohio, where apparently the child is forced to take care of an elderly parent. Is my mom legally responsible to take care of her under these circumstances? Is there any way to force her to go stay with one of my mom’s siblings? She's been severely deteriorating our mental health. most of us deal with anxiety and depression and she's gotten us all to the point we feel like we're locked in a prison, and we're genuinely starting to lose our minds, especially me and my mom. she's tried everything but my grandma refuses. Even my mom’s sister said she has an extra room and everything for her, but my grandma will just not do it. I think she wants us to all blow our brains out. Please help us before we go insane. I don't even want to be here anymore. Seriously, I need answers that google refused to help me with. Anything is better than nothing.
But this is also your mom's choice, and no matter how much it seems like she's suffering, she's getting something out of this dynamic. She's the "good" daughter, the helpful one, the one who will be rewarded in some fashion.
The dynamic between your grandmother and mom is something they both play into. Drastic measures would have to be taken for your mom to change her life, and she doesn't want that change enough. But you can change YOUR life. Dont' waste anymore time in this horrible environment.
Clearly you want to check this, but be very suspicious about where the ‘information’ has come from.
You are unlikely to talk Grandma into moving voluntarily, so you might as well start going down the legal pathway right now. That means contacting the Aged Care authorities locally, and serving an eviction notice on Grandma. The state will take over after that.
Moving out yourself sounds like a good idea. You probably don’t want to put more pressure on your mother, but at least it breaks things up a bit. As usual, sometimes things have to get worse before anything will change. Your Age Care authorities should have a social worker who can talk you through all the steps, so that you do it right. Good luck!
Just want to say that I am very sorry that you and your family are going through this.
I love Countrymouse’s suggestion about moving in with your aunt. When things got crazy in my house when I was a kid. I would stay at my aunt’s house for the whole summer.
I got a break and my aunt was a very loving, caring person. Came back home to go to school because she was in a different school district.
Wishing you all the best.
By law she is a tenant if she doesn't own the house you all live in, so eviction is the only legal way to get her out. However, I suspect there's a lot more to this dynamic than just "Granny drives us bonkers," and your mom will likely not evict her because she and Granny do a little dance together where they just live the way they live, miserable as everyone is.
There's a lot of psychological baggage to unpack with this kind of toxic relationship, so don't expect your mom to jump right on the eviction idea.
As said, even if the law was enforced Mom could not be "made" to take her Mom in. She may be responsible to find a place for Grandma to live. Maybe set her up with resources. If grandma is competent, she is really able to fend for herself once she is set up with resourses. Filial laws were set up because parents became homeless, were starving and their children did nothing. Even then, the children didn't have to move them into their homes. Just make sure they had the necessities, shelter, food, heat, clothing and medical probably. Now, our State Welfare system provides the necessities.
Mom will probably need to see a lawyer if she is serious about having Grandmom out. Really, by her putting up with her this long it going to be hard.
If Mom owns her home, maybe sell and tell Gma she will not be moving with her. For you, start planning your future so you can financially leave the home. Maybe Moms children can eventually find a place to live together and that gives Mom the freedom to move.
“Filial responsibility” laws hold that the adult child (or children) of a parent has the legal obligation to pay for the necessities of the parent who cannot do so for themselves."
Paying for the necessities of the parent does NOT mean the parent MUST live with the adult child, however.
I think your mom's best bet is to sit down for a consultation with an Elder Care attorney to see what HER rights are in this situation. Ask how she can evict her mom (your grandmother) legally in Ohio, so you can all get on with your lives. The attorney can give her some tips about how to go about doing this LEGALLY so there are no ramifications to her by doing so. Bad tenants CAN be evicted, even when they are family members who we have a financial responsibility towards. I don't know how one goes about doing so, however, so that's where the lawyer may come in handy.
Wishing you the best of luck finding an answer to this terrible dilemma you all face.