I have been my moms sole caregiver for over 6 years. I have dated off and on during that time, but never nothing serious. Now I have met a man and things are progressing and could become serious. I am with my mother Monday through Friday but spend the weekends with him. I come home to check on her but I am with him most of the weekend. She says that she wants me happy, but then makes smart remarks about me being gone. When I'm at home with her, she stays in her room and I can't get her out to be social.I am at a loss. Am iI wrong?
Caregiving is only going to become more involved with time, and a romantic relationship requires lots of time in order to develop. Even after marriage vows romantic relationships still require lots of time to maintain.
I think you need your own space and privacy to have your own life. If you can't afford to move out, bring in outside help to give you the time to get to know your boyfriend better.
Does your mother have dementia? That does change some things.
No matter what your mother has, you are entitled to your own life. Absolutely. But knowing your situation better might help us make more specific suggestions about how to accomplish that.
Just like a manipulative child, she's giving you attitude and throwing a tantrum by holing up in her room. ... Call your beau, knock on her door and say you'll be back when she's in a better mood. Lather, rinse, and repeat with every tantrum she throws. That kind of selfish behavior has to stop.
So nip it in the bud before the man you're falling for gets tired or her nonsense and kicks your a__ to the curb.
I wanted to go away - had arranged daughter to come and stay she got diarrhoea and I couldn't go (only later did I realise she had eaten a whole bag of liquorice!)
In hospital she was bored because she had to be isolated (diarrhoea again) so she sat herself on the floor (don't ask me how but that its what she told me she did so someone would come and talk with her)
I was going out for dinner I came in to see her on the floor again. I can't get her up on my own so had to call for back up - missed dinner.
And please don't tell me she doesn't know - the glint in her eyes tells me she knows only too well
Theoretically I could put her in bed move the walker out of range and go out knowing she was safe - abuse - you can't isolate the from their walking aids or lock them in or restrain them in any way other than if you are with them and it is for their safety - i.e. putting a seat belt on when pushing their wheelchair or locking the door when you go to bed at night.
So sometimes you just have to bite your tongue until you find away round their tantrums and smart comments. Tonight I told her that my male friend was going to have to have major heart surgery and very soon. Her reply summed my mother up completely. Well at least you won't go and see him and leave me on my own again..... I went for 2 days last year and put her into respite - I was called back after 1 day she was so difficult.
I think you're mom is jealous and territorial over you and your time. She's not your number one focus anymore and I don't think this sits well with her. Ignore her smart remarks. Just pretend that you didn't hear them. And don't position yourself where you are outside her door begging her to come out. I think she feels as if she's in a power struggle and with you outside her door pleading for her to come out she has you right where she wants you which is feeling guilty and begging for her favor.
Enjoy your new relationship!