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My 99-year-old mom has advanced dementia, where she hits and bites, etc. I can't find a place for her to go unless we pay cash, $4-10,000. per month. Nope! She only has Medicare and I only have social security and so does my husband. She sold her homes and bought a new car and traveled so she has no money. We are paying one person $25.00 per hr to come to bathe her and change her bedding 3 days a week, and another is paid 3 days a week by Medicare; she is on hospice.
She is losing control of her bowels and of course, has no bladder control. Dr. believes she has had a 'vascular event',(stroke). She can't move, can't walk, and we do the best we can. And I think I am losing my mind too.

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If you are wanting your mom out of your house, then you will have to apply for Medicaid for her, so she can be placed in the appropriate facility. She can continue to be under hospice care while in the facility as well. In the meantime though you can request that she be placed in a hospice facility for "respite" for 5 days to give you a much needed break. Her Medicare will cover that 100%. And when the time comes that your mom's death is near, you can then also have her placed in the hospice facility, as that is also covered 100% under mom's Medicare. If for some reason once she's placed there and she doesnt die within the week, and you still want to keep her there, you will have to pay out of pocket for her to continue to stay there. You need to now do what's best for you and your mental and physical health. Best wishes.
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You need to get your mother qualified for Medicaid. HER money and entitlements pay for her care, not yours.

If she should end up in the hospital due to a fall or illness, tell the discharge planners that she can no longer live in your home due to her behaviors, which make it dangerous for you to care for her.
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Maybe she needs to be in a NH with Medicaid paying her way, Talk to the Hospice nurse. You are entitled to respite care.
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Medicare will likely pay for your mother to go to a Hospice facility to be cared for during her final days here on earth. You should look into that now; speak to her hospice nurse about what brick & mortar facilities exist in the area that she can be transferred into, as she's likely to require way more care than you can give her personally, or that the in home nurses can give her a few days a week. 24/7 care is what she ultimately needs now.

I'm sorry you are dealing with such a stressful and sad issue. Wishing you the best of luck moving forward. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
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