My Mom is selling her house and decided she’d live with us. We moved all her stuff to our house. She did a 180 saying we’re not married, my husband is a crook, she is worried about what I’ve gotten myself into with him, she wants to go back to her house and asks when we can get all of her things back into her home. She doesn’t recall she’s sold her house and has to be out in a week. We’ve pulled one over on her. She was evil talking to me and my husband saying things I thought she’d never say to me.
She refuses to go to a doctor. I don’t know what to do!
Distract and redirect. You cannot argue.
If this is a sudden behavioural change, get her to a Dr for a urinalysis. A UTI can greatly magnify dementia symptoms.
I found this to be an incredibly difficult stage because it is obvious to everyone but them that they have cognitive decline. My mother refused to see a Dr. so I had to trick her. Perhaps your mother would go if she thought she was attending a consultation about something or some other false pretence. It is important for you to take the reins now because she is not thinking clearly. I was afraid of my mother’s temper but now realize I should have pushed her into the Dr’s office and had her assessed much sooner.
This forum is full of people who are or were in your position. Read all you can. Good luck.
What do YOU think about your mother coming to live with you? The "evil talking" you heard is probably only just the beginning...
This is only the start of issues you will be having. The problem is that some days will be lucid and nice and other times, combative, angry, sad, crying, accusing, etc. When you wake up in the morning, you have no idea which ones, yes, plural, you will face.
By any chance, did she not get much sleep over the period of days prior to the move? If so, see if you can take her somewhere, like a hotel or on a long ride, so that they can get some really good rest.
You have to do 2 things, both start immediately. 1) You need to get her to a doctor 2) you need to start researching managed care like a Memory Care house.
You need to get her to a doctor so that they can order tests and rule out any infections. If you think you will be placing her in managed care, then make sure her shots are up to date. Hopefully she has a doctor that she likes. If she doesn't want to go to the doctor, just say that we need to visit xxx (call them by their first name and last name without the doctor). When she asks why, just say that you need to have a few things checked out. If her doctor is like our doctors, getting blood tests and urine tests and all those things, happen at a different place and time than the actual doctor visit. If she doesn't have a doctor, try and find one that specializes in geriatrics.
I would still start researching managed care options, regardless of whether you think you can be with this type of behavior 24 x 7 or not. Getting familiar with the terms, and what facilities look like and what they have to offer, will help you be aware of your options for the future.
Sometimes, to get my Mom out of the house, we told her we were taking her to a restaurant. Then arranged for other people to get whatever needed done. Otherwise, she would just fret the entire night before whatever was happening and not go to sleep, and then be cranky and combative and uncooperative the entire day.
My prayers are with you.
Consider calling 911. She is delusional; something serious is happening that needs to be addressed immediately.
I agree, she needs a urine test to rule out an infection. If this came on suddenly, that could be it. Its no longer what Mom wants, its what she needs. You are now the adult and her the child. Don't ask, do. Take her in the car, if she asks were she is going tell her for a ride. White lies now to get her to a doctor. Medicare is requiring her to get a physical to keep her insurance, whatever u can think up. Bribe her.
Get her medical attention & explain her level of confusion.
If someone is confused they are unable to use their judgement sufficiently to decide if they require medical treatment or not.
Get an Adult Protective Services involved, they handle situations like this all the time. You will need to see and elder care attorney to get POA if you don’t have it already. You will want a Drs diagnosis…tell Adult Protective Service she refuses to go to. Dr. Show the she cannot live alone and cannot live with you. They should be able to help get her placed.
Sorry you have to hear her spew hate, for some reason, it’s common with dementia. You and your family do not want to live with that. Get her placed in assisted living ASAP.
Can you tell you more about your mother, when this behavior started? What is her diagnosis? What made you decide she should move in with you?
I would report any sudden changes in behavior to her doctor as soon as possible. When my mom was acting out of character, it was an often a physical issue like a UTI.
It is unsettling to see new behavior. I was fortunate to have doctors who were thorough in their assessment of my mom’s behavior changes.
What about meds? Have any of her meds been changed recently? Sometimes dosages need to be modified or additional new medication may be helpful.
Best wishes to you and your family.
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