She has to stop working, give up driving, she is supposed to use a walker when walking around her home to help prevent her from falling. She isn't supposed to use stairs. I know that this has been horrible for her to lose her independence & it's been very heart renching for family to watch her dwindle away. However my mom is very stubborn and is refusing to listen to her doctor's orders with using her walker, & not going up or down stairs. I'm having extreme difficulty with getting her to comply with her doctor. Please help me understand what I need to do to keep my mom safe. It seems that I'm the only family member that is trying to stop my mom from using stairs and using her walker. My brother and his family just continue to allow our mom to do what she wants.
Perhaps when she breaks bones, she will listen to the social worker you arrange for her to go over her options (e.g., nursing home vs Assisted Living).
Love her and let go of her decisions..........you'll both be free of resentments.
It doesn’t quite work like that.
First:
the reality is that the consequences (example broken bone) will very likely fall on OP: emergency/stress/worry. The fallout will land on OP.
Second:
OP cares of course. So even if OP decides, “Mom, do whatever you like”, the reality is that OP will stress/worry/etc.
Just a note: This type of patient will still fall even with the walker, because they fall backwards. The walker is in front of them. When they feel the fall start, they startle and grab the front of the walker and it goes down on top of them. Or they will lean on the walker and reach for something and down they over sideways, taking the walker with them.
They call these The Fall Down Diseases. I’m not sure there’s a way to stop the falls. Papa did eventually stop falling, when he got very weak and the walker was essentially holding him up.
This will take a lot to get through, make sure you are taking care of you! You can’t help your Mother if you have are out of fuel.
Remember that it's your mother's illness and she might still be struggling with accepting her diagnosis and prognosis. My MIL joined a support group at the beginning of her illness to talk about her feelings and it helped her.
We also modified things to make my MIL's environment safer i.e. shower chair, grab bars, raised toilet, car entry handle, etc. There are many good catalogs with gadgets to help your mother adapt. We found Gold Violin particularly helpful. Also, there may come a time when gadgets no longer work and your mother needs much more care.
We also learned to pick our battles. For example, on what was our last family vacation to a theme park, we insisted she ride in a wheelchair.
Who does your mother live with, may I ask? Who is responsible for her daily caregiving? Has she had recent falls resulting in injury? There seems to be disagreement between yourself and your "brother and his family" who "allow our Mom to do what she wants. Which of you does she live with, or does she live with neither of you?