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My mom has late stage dementia and has lived in our home for almost 2 years. She never used a walker - she refused touch one. Since covid she pretty much sits in front of the TV. Now her knees are so weak she can't hold her own weight up to get into her transporter we use to take her to the bathroom, bedroom, outside, dinner table and shower. The transporter is too wide to fit in the bathroom. Her knees are so weak she goes down to the shower floor before I can get her on the shower chair. We have grab bars, but they don't help. She can't walk from the bathroom door to the toilet without going down on her knees. My husband and I both have to hold her up in the morning to take off her wet pj's and Depends, and to put in the transporter to take to the kitchen to eat her meals. It so hard to get in her the car for appointments. I am afraid she is going to get hurt or one of us will. Does anyone have any suggestions for equipment or a service that could come in and help with suggestions?. Thank you in advance for any help.

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I was amazed at how helpful some very simple PT was for my mom. If the door and trim are removed from the bathroom door you might gain enough inches to fit the transport chair, then there are transfer benches for the shower that may be helpful but IMO she absolutely must be able to stand and pivot in order for you to transfer her safely from wheelchair to commode, shower or bed without the risk of falling and your being injured. If you are ready to accept her as being non ambulatory it is time to plan for her long term future and consider whether you will continue to care for her in your home.
(I want to add that my mom spent her final 2 years unable to stand, mostly unable to move at all in fact, so don't make the mistake of thinking that you can tough it out because her time is short)
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If PT doesn't help, then it's probably time to get a hospital bed to put in a room that works for you all. You can then keep a bedside commode next to the bed, so she doesn't have far to transfer. You can use a gait belt to help in transferring her or a hoyer lift. However if you have carpeting in the room where she's located, I was told by my husbands hospice nurse, that a hoyer lift will ruin carpet, so just be aware of that.
I had to hire an aide to come every morning to transfer my husband from his hospital bed to the commode, as I just couldn't do it myself. He was completely bedridden though. If you hire an aide, they can not only transfer her to the commode and change her, but can also give her a bath while she is in the bed so you don't have to worry about getting her into the bathroom and shower. Might make your life a little easier.
And if possible, try making all of her Dr's appt.s by phone or on Zoom, so she doesn't have to leave the house. and of course if things just get to be too much, then it's time to be looking into placing her in the appropriate facility. Best wishes.
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What are you calling a "transporter"
A Sit to Stand worked well with my Husband but he would stand so with the Sit to Stand there needs to be some leg strength.
A Hoyer Lift would be what you should use for someone that is not mobile.
Has she been evaluated as to why there is a problem with standing.
Is it the knees?
Is it that she has lost muscle strength in her legs?
Is it that the dementia has reached a point where she can no longer walk?
If it is a matter of strength in her legs PT might help but it will be exercises that you will have to do with her along with regular PT sessions.
If it is her knees is it pain that is preventing her from standing? She would NOT be a candidate for surgery at this point. (dementia, surgery and subsequent rehab do not go well together)
Helping someone up after they have gone down is potentially dangerous for both the person that is down and the person helping them up. Knowing how to guide someone as they are falling is also important to prevent injury to both you and the person falling.
It is possible that at this point the safest place for mom is in bed.
Bed baths are going to be safer than showers.
Changing her in bed is safer than getting her to the toilet.
That was a tough decision I made when caring for my Husband. Getting him up and dressed and into a wheelchair made it more "normal" but it was not safe. Add to that the length of time he was sleeping he was just more comfortable in bed. You do need to prepare for that as well. A good alternating pressure mattress, changing position at least every 2 hours, lots of wedges and pillows for propping.
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You can try having her doctor order physical therapy to see if that will help. The PT may also be the better at getting your mother on board with using a walker or have good suggestions for the shower. Overall though, I know that my dad has extreme leg weakness, multiple rounds of therapy and rehab, and for him there was never really improvement. He was partially cooperative with the therapists, better adherence to the exercises may have helped. And please don’t risk injury to yourself and your husband, you’re no good as a caregiver when you get injured. If her care is too much for you, it’s time to explore alternatives
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