Remembering/wanting to take a shower. Finding the bathroom. Assembling the stuff she'll need - shower gel, shampoo, towels, etc. Setting the temperature controls. Turning the water on. And off, later. Undressing and getting into the shower, all in the right order. Keeping her balance. Reaching all the bits that need washing. Rinsing the soap off. Getting out safely. Getting dry.
Some of these tasks easily allow for dignity to be preserved and, as you can imagine, some don't so much. With the ones that don't, if those are the ones your mother needs help with, you'll have to develop a technique that lets you both pretend you're not there. You're aiming to be like an extra helpful bathmat.
Is the shower kitted out for safety? Grab rails, possibly a shower chair if space allows, that kind of thing?
Do you have a shower seat/transfer bench? That will let her sit while showering. It let my grandma shower by herself for another few years. I would just set everything up with a transfer bench over the lip of the bathtub. She could then sit on it outside the tub and scoot into the tub. Then she could sit there and bath using a handheld shower head.
Here are a few ideas to maybe implement as you see fit.
Keep any areas not being cleansed at the time covered with towels or lightweight material and then cover back up when you move to the next area. This will also keep her warm.
Use gloves if you aren't already - They keep your hands from becoming soiled plus mom most likely has had an exam with a healthcare worker wearing gloves - in both your minds, bathing places that "never see the sun" with gloves on will seem much more clinical and less embarrassing.
If she is able, have her do the best she can on more personal areas then finish whatever she is unable to wash adequately.
Keep in mind, even if it feels very weird at first, you HAVE to look to check her skin for any problems, especially where any skin touches skin like beneath breasts and any skin folds. Tell her what you are doing beforehand and why.
Don't bathe her in embarrassed silence; lighten both your moods with conversation, stories, singing or whatever small talk you can manage. Try to be relaxed and normal so she can feel that way also.
Make the less intimate portions of the bath, such as shampooing or lotioning her back, into a relaxing treat with a nice scalp massage and neck/shoulder rub while you're at it.
It WILL become less stressful/uncomfortable for both of you with each bath. Keeping her clean is a major part of maintaining her dignity, if you look at it that way.
I hope something here helps you - great question, by the way. Mom is lucky to have you able to help her with a thoughtful, caring attitude.
Have you contacted Council of Aging in your are? They will do an assessment and if she qualifies you can get help with bathing. An aide from an agency will come to your home.
In the meantime, what about sponge baths? Have you thought about assisted living or a nursing home if her care becomes too much? This is a lot for you to be dealing with, especially since you have children at home.
Remembering/wanting to take a shower.
Finding the bathroom.
Assembling the stuff she'll need - shower gel, shampoo, towels, etc.
Setting the temperature controls.
Turning the water on. And off, later.
Undressing and getting into the shower, all in the right order.
Keeping her balance.
Reaching all the bits that need washing.
Rinsing the soap off.
Getting out safely.
Getting dry.
Some of these tasks easily allow for dignity to be preserved and, as you can imagine, some don't so much. With the ones that don't, if those are the ones your mother needs help with, you'll have to develop a technique that lets you both pretend you're not there. You're aiming to be like an extra helpful bathmat.
Is the shower kitted out for safety? Grab rails, possibly a shower chair if space allows, that kind of thing?
Keep any areas not being cleansed at the time covered with towels or lightweight material and then cover back up when you move to the next area. This will also keep her warm.
Use gloves if you aren't already - They keep your hands from becoming soiled plus mom most likely has had an exam with a healthcare worker wearing gloves - in both your minds, bathing places that "never see the sun" with gloves on will seem much more clinical and less embarrassing.
If she is able, have her do the best she can on more personal areas then finish whatever she is unable to wash adequately.
Keep in mind, even if it feels very weird at first, you HAVE to look to check her skin for any problems, especially where any skin touches skin like beneath breasts and any skin folds. Tell her what you are doing beforehand and why.
Don't bathe her in embarrassed silence; lighten both your moods with conversation, stories, singing or whatever small talk you can manage. Try to be relaxed and normal so she can feel that way also.
Make the less intimate portions of the bath, such as shampooing or lotioning her back, into a relaxing treat with a nice scalp massage and neck/shoulder rub while you're at it.
It WILL become less stressful/uncomfortable for both of you with each bath. Keeping her clean is a major part of maintaining her dignity, if you look at it that way.
I hope something here helps you - great question, by the way. Mom is lucky to have you able to help her with a thoughtful, caring attitude.
In the meantime, what about sponge baths? Have you thought about assisted living or a nursing home if her care becomes too much? This is a lot for you to be dealing with, especially since you have children at home.
Wish you all the best.