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She is 93, almost blind, has neuropathy, is a fall risk, very frail. She is very attached to her junk and gets upset if anyone throws anything away or organizes it for her. Her part of the house is a health hazard and fall risk. The rummaging behavior seems obsessive. Yesterday she stepped on a sharp knife that had fallen on the floor and was bleeding from a small cut. Due to the neuropathy and poor vision she has no idea she had cut herself and was bleeding all over the carpet. She can't see well enough to clean her dishes and often eats from dirty utensils or sometimes even moldy food. She wants to be independent, but I feel it's time to step in and take charge of her environment. I dread the fight and ensuing anxiety and depression I'm pretty sure this will bring on. Suggestions?

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Your Mom has Dementia according to your profile. This is what they do and no amount of "addressing" her behaviour will work. Seems like Mom has an area all to herself. You may need to make it safer for Mom. No knives, no microwave or stove. She needs 24/7 supervision. Dementia is very unpredictable. She could leave a pan on the stove, and start a fire. If you can't give her this supervision, time to place her.

I think you are spreading yourself too thin. If you need to make a choice, it should be the parent living with you. If Dads wife has children, they should be helping her. Dad will need to hire someone if you choose to care for Mom. Dementia is 24/7 care.
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Sounds like she needs constant supervision during her waking hours.
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I agree with Beatty -- sounds like she needs constant supervision.

Are you able (willing?) to provide this?

From your profile: "Newly retired to take care of divorced parents. Mom lives in my home. Dad just diagnosed with lung cancer and his wife is recovering from a fractured femur and is diabetic. All three rely on me quite a bit."

So you are the caregiver for your mother in your home AND for your father and his wife? Where do your father and his wife live?

How did you end up being the person to take care of all three of them? Is this what you want?
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If you are caring for 3 people it seems you are going way 'above and beyond' which puts you at risk for caregiver burnout, where you will then be no help to anyone and your health/life at risk. With dementia, you cannot reason with the hoarding/rummaging behavior as others here explain. You can only minimize all potential hazards, a job in itself. Please find and exhaust all possible alternative solutions so all are healthy and in good hands. All the best.
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It is time for assisted living. Ask her doctor if he would sign papers for her. She is no longer safe
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RedVanAnnie Mar 2023
She probably needs higher level care than just "Assisted Living."
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Facility time
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Sorry to see this about your mother, but it is no longer safe for her to live alone. Get her into a facility as soon as possible. Stay with her and get a social worker to be with her until she is placed.

Both your mother and his wife require skilled nursing in a facility.
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By saying "her part of the house" as regards your Mom: Does she live with you in your home but has a part of your to "to herself"? Not clear on that but I feel that you mother must have 24 hour supervision, and I am not sure you want to provide that. Her environment is not safe if she is stepping on a sharp knife on the floor, and bleeding. Disengage burners on the stove immediately, as she is likely to start a fire if so terribly out of touch with her environment. If she is to have access to the kitchen, perhaps you could insist (and simply endure, as you have to) on paper plates and disposable plastic utensils. It surely sounds as though she is a candidate for placement in a safe facility or placement with you. I will hazard a suggestion that you seek counseling from a social worker or therapist who can help you sort through 'how' to care for 3 persons. Dad and his wife with broken femur need InHome assistance hired by Dad and wife's family. I truly think that a Social worker familiar with geriatric patients could help YOU come up with a plan for managing these three persons. You will note that I am not saying that YOU provide the services for these three. The MSW can help you devised a unique plan to address the needs of the three, and part of the plan might be transferring one or more to a care facility. God Bless you, and this situation will break you, without assistance
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As much as you don’t want to you are going to have to get rid of some of this stuff. There is nothing that will keep her from dragging it out.

If she falls and breaks her hip it will be game over.

My mom was same but we finally had to just do it and put up with the anger. Lots of it was just trash.
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Perhaps a visit to the Geriatric Psychiatrist would benefit both of you - the OCD can be medicated, but the living arrangement requires assisted living.
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