She is 93, almost blind, has neuropathy, is a fall risk, very frail. She is very attached to her junk and gets upset if anyone throws anything away or organizes it for her. Her part of the house is a health hazard and fall risk. The rummaging behavior seems obsessive. Yesterday she stepped on a sharp knife that had fallen on the floor and was bleeding from a small cut. Due to the neuropathy and poor vision she has no idea she had cut herself and was bleeding all over the carpet. She can't see well enough to clean her dishes and often eats from dirty utensils or sometimes even moldy food. She wants to be independent, but I feel it's time to step in and take charge of her environment. I dread the fight and ensuing anxiety and depression I'm pretty sure this will bring on. Suggestions?
I think you are spreading yourself too thin. If you need to make a choice, it should be the parent living with you. If Dads wife has children, they should be helping her. Dad will need to hire someone if you choose to care for Mom. Dementia is 24/7 care.
Are you able (willing?) to provide this?
From your profile: "Newly retired to take care of divorced parents. Mom lives in my home. Dad just diagnosed with lung cancer and his wife is recovering from a fractured femur and is diabetic. All three rely on me quite a bit."
So you are the caregiver for your mother in your home AND for your father and his wife? Where do your father and his wife live?
How did you end up being the person to take care of all three of them? Is this what you want?
Both your mother and his wife require skilled nursing in a facility.
If she falls and breaks her hip it will be game over.
My mom was same but we finally had to just do it and put up with the anger. Lots of it was just trash.
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