She thinks that she can take care of herself and by placing her in a memory care unit I have "ripped her heart out" and " she wants to die". It's so painful for both of us when I visit or talk to her on the phone. I try to distract her to another subject, explain to her the reality of the situation, reassure her that she is loved- nothing seems to calm her. I'm at the point that I don't want to talk with her, but I feel so guilty and miss my mom terribly.
Then one day the grown daughter decided to visit her Mom without her Mom knowing she was coming. Where did she find Mom? Her Mom was at one of the activities laughing it up with the other women, having a grand old time. Then her Mom saw her daughter. Oops, the jig was up.
Many elder parents feel that when they leave their home that they will lose their independence. That made me chuckle, what independence?
Anyway, when my Dad moved to senior living, he said he felt like he had MORE independence as he no longer had the responsibility of maintaining a house as there was always something that needed fixing. He honestly loved living in senior living and being around people of his own generation :) But Dad had started out in the Independent Living section before moving to Memory Care, so that helped.
My Dad had sundowning where in the evenings he would climb into his time machine and go back to the 1940's. At first this rattled me, then I found if I played along it was better for him, and for me.
So try agreeing with Mom when she starts complaining. See if that works. And forget about feeling so guilty [I know, easier said then done], you are doing the best thing for your Mom, as now she needs a village to help her out.
Best of luck