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She refuses to take baths, refuses to get out of bed for me. Anyone else, she is very compliant. We have always had an excellent relationship. I feel that she may be in the later stages, she can't remember anything, she mostly misses her mom and dad, both who passed away years ago. She continually talks of wanting to "lay down and just die". She is 82 years old and I am at my wits end as to how to deal with her. I have been very patient, coaxing, but nothing seems to work.

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Taking care of someone who is resistant to care can be very challenging. I've tried it. You may read and try as many different things as you can and if you still have no success, explore hiring someone to come in or look at Memory Care facilities. You can get some tips on you tube by Teepa Snow. Also, reading books on what to expect with dementia.

With my LO, medication worked wonders. Soon after going on a medication for anxiety and depression, she became much more cooperative.

Also, I think it matters who is in charge. With my LO, the staff at the regular AL could not get her out of bed in the morning and she threw a temper tantrum if they tried to bathe her, but, once she got to MC, they never had much of a problem. They worked with her a couple of times and then, she was fine. Either it was the meds or their staff just has the right skills and experience to know how to handle it. I once heard music from a radio coming from the shower room there. I think they play music while they are showering the MC unit residents. It must help calm them.
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We actually have tried several different anti-depressants. Nothing seems to work. Also yes I do let my husband take over when he gets home from work. Just me here with her all day. And when she wont listen to me, it gets hard knowing how to handle things. Thank you!
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There isn't anything you can do besides getting her on an anti-depressant possibly, or placing her in a facility. You really can't coax a person with dementia into doing what they ought to do. If she isn't willing to do anything for you, could your husband be more of the caregiver instead?
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