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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My father and sister both passed over 20 years ago. Mom seems to remember my sister passing but nowadays will say that she is waiting for my father to come and visit or question why hasn't he called, etc. At this point I always gently remind her that Dad passed away. She either suddenly remembers it or gets confused and is surprised ("Was I there? Was I at the funeral?"). She feels bad that she doesn't remember his passing but I tell her that he is simply thinking of her and that she is thinking of him. That calms her down. It is all part of this process of the mind falling part. I always tell her the truth because I don't want her to become fixated on the fact that he is going to visit or call. It would be an unfair dream to cling to and just cause her pain.
Oh yes, it is very sad the first time you get a statement like that. For me it was kind of stunning, and I didn’t know how to respond. What seemed to reassure Mom was telling her it must have been a very vivid dream. “Isn't that nice, they must be thinking about you.” If she would persist about someone who had passed away, I would tell her that So-and-so is no longer with us, but isn’t it wonderful to be able to think about them and call up their happy memory whenever we want to. She’d say “Oh yes” and then we’d move on. Try not to dwell on it, for both your sakes. Moving facilities just for this would be overkill and not fix it. You can’t, unless she has a UTI.
My mom's episodes of thinking my dad, who has passed, is still alive come and go. These days when she asks for him I have her checked for a UTI and she almost always has at least a mild one. The care givers and I go along with whatever she is thinking, but eventually she realizes that my dad is gone. This was a very gradual thing with her. For so many years she knew he was gone and how he died, then she knew he was gone, but not how he died (and I would stupidly tell her until I figured out she does not need to know), now off and on she doesn't know he died and asks where he is. I try to lead her deep into memories of long ago by reminding her of things they did together. She usually then forgets to ask where he is now. I find my own sadness of her situation lessening with this strategy of talking about him with her. Moving your Mother-in-law to a new facility might confuse her even more.
Ask her about the call - just be interested in it, don't interrogate her. See if the conversation that results can be used to reorient your MIL to the present day.
If your MIL is completely convinced that the phone rang and it was her mother calling and they had a lovely chat... let it go. Say neutral, cheerful things such as "I'm glad to hear you sounding so pleased" or "it must have been good to recollect her so well" - so you're not contradicting her, and you are pleased that she's enjoying clear impressions of the call (as long as she IS enjoying them!), but you're not reinforcing her mistaken belief.
If your MIL begins to "come to" and realise that there is something wrong about what she thinks happened, then you gently lead her back to the present day until she figures out for herself that this can't have happened as she thought it did. In that case it might be a comfort to her to talk about her mother and share a few real memories with you.
My 84-yr old MIL called me twice this weekend from her LTCF about "the funeral" for "the family member" (she thought her grandson has passed away and said my husband told her while they were "sitting at the table". None of this happened. I just reassured her that all the family members were alive and well and I just started giving her a happy update on everyone and I think she either forgot why she called or was satisfied with my answer. The other call was about how her son (my husband) made a mistake and put her in this "place" and then she went on about "the funeral" again (but this time she said a name I didn't recognize and told her as much without making her feel foolish or more confused - which is easier said than done). This is new behavior for her so I called the nursing lead and requested a check for UTI, just in case. In the past she has also forgotten her parents were deceased (even though there's a photo of them at a very advanced age right next to her) and that her own husband has been deceased for over 3 years. It's all hard and challenging. There's no right answers as to how to deal with it. Just working on maintaining peace in my heart over it all, wishing the same for you and everyone who deals with this.
My mom sometimes forgets that her parents passed away - her mother in 1980 and her father in 1988. She wants to buy them gifts, asks why she hasn't heard from them, wants to know where they live, etc. On other days, she knows they're gone. At first, I started to correct her and remind her they passed years ago, which would make her scowl or cry. Now I try to change the subject or distract her with something. When she swears that she has seen them recently, I tell her that she probably had a very vivid dream and that everyone has dreams like that, which makes it difficult sometimes to separate them from real life. That seems to reassure her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your MIL is completely convinced that the phone rang and it was her mother calling and they had a lovely chat... let it go. Say neutral, cheerful things such as "I'm glad to hear you sounding so pleased" or "it must have been good to recollect her so well" - so you're not contradicting her, and you are pleased that she's enjoying clear impressions of the call (as long as she IS enjoying them!), but you're not reinforcing her mistaken belief.
If your MIL begins to "come to" and realise that there is something wrong about what she thinks happened, then you gently lead her back to the present day until she figures out for herself that this can't have happened as she thought it did. In that case it might be a comfort to her to talk about her mother and share a few real memories with you.