I went through the entire process to get her one and she was for it until the final interview where she told lady forget it and told her to leave. The final interview was the one where the nurse comes in to evaluate how many days a week she would need. The state of NY approved her for it. She has Medicare and Medicaid.
Any way I can make here accept the attendant?
I guess I contribute to her denial because I stop by every day for an hour before bedtime but once a week I visit when I know she is downstairs talking to her friends in the lobby and do the major cleaning. She doesn't realize I clean.
I know things will not get better so am going to follow your advice and speak to an elder lawyer.
Thank you again!!!
I used to have a Dr come in and visit her her but she stopped that as well.
I have explained everything suggested to her in some of the replies on this post but she doesn't care.
Her medical plan is that when falls and it is really bad she will call 911 and be taken to hospital and at that point she will go to a nursing home.
I have been talking to her for years about it and always it is no
Then I was concerned about the clutter in the house. Dad said he would use the stuff to pull himself back up. I told him it meant there was more stuff for him to hit his head on when he fell.
Now Dad's biggest fear is falling, but he will not get a pendant. My brother (dad lives with him the rest of the year), said at $50 per month they were too expensive. I ask db how much it cost him to take a day off work, if Dad fell at home or had another stroke?
The last two years my son has spent the summer with Dad at the rural property. It is not ideal, my son works full time, but at least there is someone around and if the car alarm was sounded my son would hear it, as his job site is next door. My son and I have a plan in place if anything happened to Dad.
This year I bought a light weight walker for him to use in the garden. I do not think he did, but whatever, I did what I could.
If she is still able to be reasoned with, I think laying out her options is a good plan. Tell her that the attendant is there to keep her safe and assist her so she can stay in her home. Tie together the words “staying in home “ and “attendant” in your discussion until she begins to see the connection. She needs to understand that if she doesn’t accept the attendant that you are going to start looking at assisted living places, and do so, because that will be the end result, if she is lucky. If she injures herself she could go the rehab to nursing home route. Freqflyer’s story about her mother is an example.
I think it is amazing that your mother is 92 and has only now needed an attendant. We had to have this conversation when my parents were 72!
If she is in danger of falling, she might need more than an attendant. You may need to set her up with a medic alert button or other way to monitor her for falls. As others have stated though, if she still refuses all help, she has the right to make these decisions even when they’re foolish ones.
Unfortunatly, things usually have to get really bad before anything can be done. Stubborn parents, sheesh!
Like a good daughter, I called in a caregiving agency and they sent over really great caregivers. My Mom was in a huff. She felt she didn't any paid help as Dad [also 90+] could be there to catch her in case she falls. Yeah right.
So all in all my hands were tied as Mom was just starting with dementia and still able to make decisions for herself. No more caregivers.
Sadly, sometimes we need to wait for serious medical emergency. In my case, two weeks later Mom had a real serious fall which caused her to go into long-term-care, then into hospice. Dad was so upset as he wanted Mom to have those caregivers. In fact, Dad called back those caregivers to help him.