My mother has dementia, which I am sorry but at times I think she is faking cause can anybody be so out there!?! She has now started a new thing which is gross but I have a strong stomach but times its not possible not to vomit. Mom is now pooping and peeing EVERYWHERE like an untrained puppy. She wears depends but she will pull them down anywhere and go. Example such as in bed poop under her pillow, sits on edge of tub and does #1 and 2, in garbage cans, in the middle of floors, under coach coushins, she has even tried to do in the middle of Wal-Mart!! She of course uses her hand to wipe down there so now there is poo everywhere in her hair, mouth, face,walls, clothes, between her toes and under her finger nails. She is sly she will wait till I leave room to do it!! So she knows what she is doing! She likes to hide her poo I have caught her carry her poo to hide somewhere! She thinks it's funny!!!!! boy does that make me mad! Especially when I step in it!!! I try to hide most of this from the hubby and kids so they won't be grossed. WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!
If my grandma goes to poop, I wipe her or she will literally put her fingers inside of herself and either try to pull out the poop and get herself covered or will try to wipe using her clothing or will clean her dirty hands on her clothing. When being spoken to she used to insist it was the way things were done. So while it may seem she's doing things on purpose, she really might not be.
I take my grandma to the bathroom every hour to prevent accidents. I walk with her to the bathroom to ensure she makes it to the toilet each time. I use puppy pads in front of the toilet especially when she has a UTI so when she pees while standing it lands on the puppy pad and makes for an easy clean up instead of my tiles making me bleach them. I wipe her after her pooping bathroom uses to ensure it doesn't get spread anywhere it shouldn't. Those are just some of the things I do to avoid bathroom messes but she wasn't doing everything your mother is doing.
Maybe you don't want to place the loved one. the other solution is to protect your home. it may be possible to confine your loved one to a section of the house where the floors can be changed to a washable covering.. If they share living areas a specific chair for the LO can be protected. When someone refuses to either wear depends or frequently removes them garments can be purchased that close in the back so the LO is unable to remove tham.
There are lots of things to try before confining a LO one to a facility unless that is a good solution for you.
You may want to learn more about this from the mayo clinic who can describe everything:
I'm not sure how long this is been occurring, but if this just started you really need to get her out of there before she ruins everything (including the house). Solid waste penetrates anything it can and ruins it. If you're not careful, it'll penetrate and settle into your furniture, carpets and floors. Outside of replacing everything, professional cleaning is also very expensive, so weigh the cost and see if it's worth it to clean or if you should just go ahead and replace.
The longer this problem occurs, the more of a hazard this will become as it not only ruins everything it touches, but it also puts the lives of others in danger. The house will most likely need professional cleaning and sterilization (which can be very expensive). Compare expense and it may not even be worth it depending on the home's value. If the damage is too great, it may need condemned and torn down. This was the case in a neighboring town near me where there was extreme filth inside this one particular house where there were too many dogs for starters. They used the house as an open toilet to the point where the house just had to be condemned by the city and torn down. It was so bad you couldn't even have company because it wasn't safe to go inside the house, and there was definitely no where to set up because the dogs had taken over everything. Had the dogs been removed much sooner, the house may have been saved.
Putting myself in your shoes, I'd be quickly out the door if I couldn't find immediate alternate placement for someone who uses the house as an open toilet. If you were ever infected with a fecal matter related illness like I was, you could clearly understand how I'm still struggling with the aftermath of the infection since it really is hard to get rid of. This is why I'd be gone because having already been infected, I don't want that again, and past experience is exactly why I just won't live where the house is used as an open toilet.
Another thing I know is about how toxic waste pollutes the air by giving off a gas that smells worse than ammonia. Breathing that kind of air long enough will actually make you very ill, and for some people it really doesn't take long, let's say maybe one night. If you're sleeping over somewhere and find yourself waking up feeling very ill one morning and feel fine when you get out in the fresh air, you may want to question the indoor air quality. I mean, look at the situation:
Your sleep over at a friend's or relative's house. You notice an ammonia smell in the air which seems to fade. You go on about your business and find yourself unable to sleep until close to morning when you finally drift off. Hours later you wake up feeling very sick with flu like symptoms. It seems like every muscle is weak, you have no appetite and you feel nausea when you try to eat.
Now, step outside in the fresh air and notice how quick the illness vanishes because you'll notice you feel better right away. This is what happened to me when I stayed over at a friends years ago. The other house wasn't nearly as filthy as the one that later got condemned, but even a little bit of filth build up enough gas in the air that can make you sick. This is why it's such a health hazard to have someone living with you who uses the house as an open toilet. The bigger the person is, the bigger the mess they make. You may try to clean up behind them, but trust me, there still traces left behind regardless of your efforts. You really wouldn't want out-of-state company or company from another country sitting on furniture where someone else made a mess, it just wouldn't be right (even if you flipped the cushions over). It's not right if they can't sit down anywhere because someone has ruined the furniture. After a good long trip, the company who has come to see you from far away deserves the comforts of plush cushioned furniture. This is why furniture should be protected, because some furniture out there is very expensive. Adult diapers can only do so much along with other marketed products, and there comes a time when the person making the mess must be placed elsewhere such as a facility that handles stuff like this every day. Shortly after my elderly friend started making messes, he was immediately taken from home and placed into a facility where they could handle the problem. This worked out very well since he was a frequent flyer with our local squad and ER because we could no longer handle his problems
PLEASE contact your local agency on aging for support, and assessment of the situation in your home. It clearly canNOT go on like this - for everyone's sake.
So your grandmother and father cared for you as a child - that was their responsibility, and with a child there is continuous growth and development. In elders the process is reversed. Your situation can only continue to deteriorate.
You need to get help NOW before you are any more overwhelmed. If nothing changes, I'd tell me father that I needed a break and was going away for a long weekend. Then he'll have to deal with the problem on his own - and I'd bet he'll find a solution. If the only answer he comes up with is leaving the mess for you to clean up when you get home (worst case scenario), you may need to cut ties and move - or at least threaten to.
My husband didn't "get" the strain his mother was putting on or relationship until I told him that either he'd have to move out with her (back to her home) or I'd have to go, because our situation couldn't continue. Then suddenly he was willing and able to consider the options. Had he considered the options earlier (adult day care, a part time aide, respite) she could still be with us.
HOWEVER - we found a wonderful memory care facility for her which he will admit provides far better care - including social, physical, and mental stimulation - that we were able to.
shitface - please take care of yourself and take steps to move your situation forward. Sending you hugs and wishes that your situation improves soon!
she has always been a control freak and i guess it really does carry onto their old age. thanks for the comic relief due to all we are going thru with her! it helps a lot