My mother uses the house as a open toilet! What do I do?

Hi. My Mom has had Alzheimers for about a few years. She initially had to go to the hospital as she had kidney issues. Upon her discharge, to my disbelief, they put her on a catheter as the nurses told me she was "retaining". She never "retained" before.

Well we lived for the catheter for a year or so and she was having very strange bowel movements in the shower or constant diarrhea...i was told it was the disease so I just ignored it. It was like I had almost given up.

Then something inside me told me to do something b/c she kept whispering to herself that she hasn't even "gone to the washroom yet" what is happening? So I decided to take a risk and remove the catheter. My mom was a trooper and in the same day she started going to the washroom.

She was back to herself in terms of going to the washroom for about a year and things were good. A few months back (actually the day after my bday celebration...which is a day I WILL NEVER CELEBRATE AGAIN)....she had an overnight accident. I was a bit shocked as she was going to the washroom but anyways....a few months of accidents and we had to put her back on diaper. She was on underwear for about a year after removing the catheter.
Then a few months later this diarrhea started again where it was constantly flowing into her diaper. So she suddently, I guess after seeing constant diarrhea in her diaper, decided to stop going to the washroom.

Now when I ask her to go to the washroom, she refuses me all the time. In fact sometimes she hits herself b/c she hates when I mention the word. Then I get angry and then nothing good comes out of it. I have tried UTI testing, pro-biotics to stop/control the diarrhea...it's like I am absolutely helpless.

Now she has daily overnight accidents b/c she refuses to go the washroom at all. I feel like I am completely helpless. I also feel like a complete failure and useless. I swear I wouldn't wish this garbage disease on anyone...except for Trump.

How does one access outside caregivers? Are you all mentioning medical or non-medical care?

Vickiesam - your wife needs to be changed more often. Make sure you are buying from a medical supply store, not the ones from the grocery store. Tena makes them, but there are other brands. They are they kind used in nursing homes and do hold more volume. A lot of people don't know there are choices not sold in stores.

Google "incontinence products". Lots of online medical supply stores can sell them to you based on her waist and hip measurement.

she pees though her diper

my wife pees though her diper i wonder do they make a more abzorbet diper so it get all the pee?

My heart and soul goes out to u caregivers God will certainly remember the kindness and sacrifice u did for ur love ones ,,I went thru it.

Thank you all for being open and honest ....my mom is also suffering! My sister is the primary contact with my mom and share with siblings what's happening. The site is a godsend....new clothes ordered and being delivered tomorrow ....thanks for the Buck and Buck tip.....kindness is abundant on this site for the difficult things we encounter on this journey....peace and love to all of you for what you're going through, gone through and more importantly how you helped others. 💜

Thank you all for being open and honest ....my mom is also suffering! My sister is the primary contact with my mom and share with siblings what's happening. The site is a godsend....new clothes ordered and being delivered tomorrow ....thanks for the Buck and Buck tip.....kindness is abundant on this site for the difficult things we encounter on this journey....peace and love to all of you for what you're going through, gone through and more importantly how you helped others. 💜

Very , very surprised that this question ended in 2011!! My Dad is 90 and is losing control of bowels. He poops on the floor and 90 year of Mother walks in it. He will not wear the pull up diapers and told me I was crazy today to consider it. Don't think he thinks there is anything wrong with it. My computer is not working so if anyone from the past answers this I will not be able to answer them until my computer gets fixed. Sorry in advance. I am not ignoring you.

My husband is a big guy, 70, and he has begun to have accidents..usually when he's sleeping, he will have a huge bowel movement and it is all over the floor and the carpets..it is happening frequently. Adult Diapers bought at Wal Mart don't fit him. I just cleaned up a "beaut" and don't know what to do...this can't go on! Any ideas??

Mrsnocaregiver, if you don't want to help hubby clean up or he wont let you there are long handled wiping tools that will help him reach. your local pharmacy may carry them or you can find them on line in medical supply houses. Have you purchased wipes for him. Get the larger size for him and don't flush them. if you have the funds you can also install a toilet seat bidet which you might enjoy too! Would he stand in the shower with a hand held shower head and a long handled brush. I am assuming he is not incontinent so this will save you on the unpleasant laundry. not cleaning properly will make his skin sore too.

My husband is 78 and heavy...not great mobility. He has trouble wiping himself in the bathroom, so most of the time I can smell what he leaves behind....he says he can't reach that far...what can we do to make it easier for him? He uses a chair to get dressed in the bath room and I keep a small towel on it, I can see the remains of his day on that....so I told him to put a wet wash cloth on the towel and sit on it...maybe it would help clean him some. Any suggestions would be so appreciated. Thanks so much. MH

My Mom is now entering the severe stage. Pooh things are really starting now. It is so true that they just don't know what to do with the paper. She wears depends just in case, but is always going to the bathroom. It's like the toilet is a toy or something entertaining. By Sunday night I am annoyed and sick. I love her so much and show her only the best of myself. That is so exhausting. I can't imagine life on earth without her. I'm not sure if I can go as far as the person who started this thread. I give you credit. I used to say that about others in my support group who had a Mother that is like mine is now. It is so hard to deal with the different stages as they worsen. I don't want to remember the sad parts of this existence, but like other diseases, this one is very long. I have no choice but to remember. It has been so many years this far of grief and sadness, trying to find happiness in such a horrible trial.

Yellowfeever, Ok, I'm usually "Ms. Natural" -- but for this situation, I would use Duct Tape to keep those diapers on. Make it impossible for her to get them down. Forget about not making her "dependent" on diapers, they will save your house! (and a bit of her dignity) You can use scissors when you change her. Loved the suspenders idea too. And I'd explore medication to make her sleep on a regular basis, so YOU could get some sleep! I know, none of us want to drug our parents, but I'm going right now to add to my advanced healthcare directive for MYSELF - "if I'm ever doing that...behavior, for goodness sake, knock me out!"

Not an on purpose thing, although it may seem like it. My mother has just begun this behavior more often. I just found the bowel movement in the tub and she recently had a loose bowel movement on top of the toilet seat (not open) in a public restroom. Unfortunately I've discovered it is not an uncommon occurrence. Gonna try the adult diapers but I think now I have to accompany her to the restroom when I can to make sure she is in the right place. At night----I don't know. She's confused at night.

Oh boy you certainly have had enough and it is time to place whoever you are currently caring for. With this amount of stress it is impossible to continue. As far as euthanasia is concerned i do agree with you and i believe it is the State of colorado where it is legal. The option does exist to move your loved one ther and help them end the misery. I realize finances are a big hurdle. it may not be possible in this case but for others just starting this journey it is a consideration.

I've taken care of 3 patients in my family with dementia. I want to say to all you caregivers that you are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world. God bless you! My comment is that when we see articles or TV reports about Alzheimers, they ALWAYS emphasize how the caregivers have grown in understanding, how well they are coping, the positive benefits of taking care of your old relatives, how well the caregiver is learning new coping mechanisms to deal with the patient, etc. etc. The coverage is nothing but a lie that tries to sell dementia as normal, which it is not. Caregivers must give up their whole lives to do this for loved ones. There is little useful help. As for caregiver support groups, most caregivers are too exhausted and broke to go to them while they're taking care of the patient. I believe it is time to tell what really happens with Alzheimers. Patients hiding and throwing poop, the yelling fits when you contradict them, trying to play the suggested 'games' that are supposed to convince them to cooperate when they're clearly not capable. Setting your house on fire in the middle of the night. Stealing valuables and hiding them. Wandering in the middle of the night and you can't find them and they don't know who or where they are. Refusing food, water, meds. Hiding feces all over the house. Making it impossible for the caregiver to remain sane. I am very capable and efficient but even I could not bear this....it's too much to ask. I have come to believe that when the person is terminal and in such bad shape that no one can cope unless maybe keep them knocked out 24/7, dementia patients should by prior plan be able to get a euthansia shot like we give pets to put them out of misery. My mother presently, when she can speak, cries and cries she wants to die, but no one can help her. She's diagnosed with advanced terminal Alzheimers 3 years ago, my dad 5 years ago.. He begged for a pill or shot to get it over but nothing could be done. We practice euthanasia on our pets who the pope says have souls. Why can't we with terminal dementia patients with their permission given ahead? A life has no pleasure or purpose when living as a dementia patient. There is no gladness in having a life where you know nothing, recognize less, and someone else has to care for you. And you throw feces on them. I hope that euthanasia becomes more possible in the next years. These pateints don't deserve to die in such pain and with so much embarassment, and I haven't even mentioned the family finances, which can go pretty fast for care of these people, it may be years and years. This cruel fallacy that they must stay alive till God calls them is a bunch of Sh&T. He's not calling them soon enough.

Get an adult size onesie where the zipper or snaps is in the back. She won't be able to remove her diapers

Thanks God :) because i had a chance to read some experience of taking care of a dimentia and alzheimers patients, i just realized that i'm not alone , sometimes i cried and asking the lord why it was happened to my mother? its very hard to accept this sickness, when your loveone's forget everything even YOU as her daughter, i hug her tight & whisper to her ears that her nine children and the whole family love her so much she is turning 86 this year and our only wish for our dearest mother is to be happy even though she have this kind of illness

My father has Alzheimer's. I give him a Folbic Tablet every night. it makes him sleep and keeps him from getting out of bed all night. I also get to sleep. I also use motion detectors that has an alarm. he is only left alone when sitting down or sleeping without supervision. Folbic Tablet can be prescribed by the Dr. Folic acid can be bought at any store. The Folbic Tablet works best.

trich2: My husband gets angry when I have to repeat things to him and at the way I speak to him. I believe it is out of his frustration with not being able to do for himself and not being able to comprehend as he once did.

I am so happy I found this site today. My husband is urinating all over the bathroom. He says he doesn't know who is doing it though. I cut large towels in half and cut out a area to fit around the toilet base. I also put towels all around the toilet. That helps a little except he pushed them out of place and sometimes picks them up to dry himself off. I put plastic on the walls on the side and back of the toilet all the way to the toilet. Taped it up with painter's tape for easy removal. Now he is urinating right in front of the sink. I have a sensor that will beep when he attempts to enter the bathroom, but most time he is urinating before he even gets there and I haven't been consistent with turning it on. As for BM, we had some pretty nasty events on two occassions at Walmart so I do not take him to store. The first incident, he was put on his first couple of doses of lactulose and we were in the middle of the store when he said he had to go. By the time we got to the restroom BM was running down his leg. To make a long story short, the stall was a mess as was his clothing. I had to ask someone to prevent any men from coming into the bathroom so I could try to clean him up. I had to inform the janitor that there was a literal mess in the stall and I was so sorry about it. In any event, I will looking into the suggestions of putting clothes on that he cannot get off. I am going to check out that Buck and Buck site right away. Thanks.

I want to thank you so much for your comment for those of us taking care of our loved ones,the words of encouragement are well needed right now, I appreciate your taking time to be of help still after ending your battle. So thank you for posting! Mrs red roses17.

Is there anyone that has an alz spouse that gets very angry with trying to help them with bathing or getting dressed? My husband gets so mad he yells for me to get out.

Poorenglish. Clean the front first as far underwithout raising his legs. Roll him on his side and finish the job from the back. If there is still some on the other side roll him back onto the side you have already cleaned clean that too. Hope this is clear now.
Also try the video about perimeal care. I have not watched that one.

That really helped me a lot for other purposes like moving him from bed to wheel chair using transferring belt which I ignored bedore.... but couldn't find any video dealing with my main issue, i.e cleaning him perfectly after defecation in a diaper without raising his legs upright and cause him a lot of pain as appeared in his hace each time I do.

Go to U Tube and type in Basic Nursing Care
There you will find many short videos showing you how to do things that you need to do for your father.
I could not find any simple books on basic nursing skills they are all too advanced for your needs.
It is much easier when you can watch someone do it in a video.

Thanks a lot for your postive reply... but I cannot say it has resolved my problem completely or due to my poor English may be I didn't got you as well. However I'm waiting for what you have promised to.

Seperate his legs a little and clean all you can reach from the front without causing discomfort.
Raise his top leg a little as far as he can bear and roll him away from you. Visualize you standing on the left side of the bed and having rolled him his back is facing you and his left leg is slightly raised.
Clean everything you can reach.
If the sheets need changing untuck the bottom sheet and push it as far underneath as you can.
Tuck in the left side of the bottom sheet and roll up and push the rest of the sheet as far under him as you can.
I am hoping you have a hospital bed with rails.
Raise the rail on your side and go round to the right side of the bed.
Put his left leg down and roll him onto his back. bend upthe right leg and roll him over to his left side so he again has his back to you. Now complete the cleaning.
Pull out the bottom sheet.
Pull the clean sheet through underneath him and tuck it in.
If you are using side tab diapers push the clean one as far as you can then pull him towards you again to reach the other side and complete the diaper install.
If using pull ups do what ever you usually do to pull them up.
Before you roll him place a pillow on the side he will be facing and keep him covered with a light blanket for warmth.
This is always much easier if you have someone to help. All they need to do is support him while you do the dirty work. You can't do anything about the smell but they don't have to look at the mess.
Try and find a book on basic nursing care or maybe home nursing which should include some nice diagrams to help you. Your local library might have something.
Amazon is also a good place to look. See if you can find something used if money is tight. The shipping on used is allways $4.99 but the books are often pennies.
If I look before I post this I will loose the post but will see if I can find anything suitable.

My dad is 95 years old, he cannot move but he has no dementia. The only problem I do face is that he gets a lot of pain when I raise his legs up at about nearly 90 degree angle to clean him perfectly from faeces after pulling off his diaper. Please can any one show me in detailed steps supported with figures if possible the very correct way to perform such a clean. Thanks.