My mother uses the house as a open toilet! What do I do?

It is good to read all of your comments because I too am going through the urinating all over the place with my god-mother. I thought she was doing it on purpose because she will get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Usually in the morning she will pull her depend down on go on the bed, floor or chair. I will try putting the mobile potty in her room and see if that helps but, all of your comments have helped me so much. Thank you so much for sharing!

Gwen

This is a 3 year old posting above.
euroman, I told my kids they have my permission to shoot me if I get alzheimers, and its my biggest fear. I am on year 6 soon to go into year 7 with my mom in my house. She is so cute and sweet even though she cannot walk, pee, or talk, what are ya gonna do right? we just follow our hearts.

Before I ever put my family through Alzheimers care, pray to God I don't, I would fly me to Switzerland and euthanize myself. Honestly, I ve thought about this, is the only way to save my family from grief, is to be mentally prepared to end my own life in an acceptable way. Has anybody else felt this way too?

The only way to deal with this is to have linoleum on all the floors and remove all rugs. have plastic dining chairs and cover all armchairs with plastic loose covers.
Can your family deal with this? should they be asked to deal with it? talk to your husband and any other family members who may be involved and reach a decision. Mom can't help it. Can you deal with it?
The above suggestions are all very helpful. Have you discussed some kind of sedation with Mom's Dr? You can not cope with this alone.

That is dementia / Alzheimer's. My mother-in-law would pee and poo anywhere in the house and try to clean it up. She would even try to wash her dirty underwear in the kitchen sick as I was washing the vegitables for dinner. Now a year later she is like a baby, she don't communicate anymore or respond to conversation nor even try to poop or pee while sat on the toilet. Her son is concern and don't understand why she is like this. I am concern of her not pooping on her own. The poop seem to want to come out but don't. What can we do, he refuses to put her in a home and there is no one in the house to care for her in the evening till next morning. She just sit and sleep in her bed. We have her legs up due to cirultaion problem. If her feet are down and she is in a up right position her toes go black and her legs are bright red.

My mother started doing that with her live in caregiver in the back room. There was poop on every nick nack the door handle ect. She was in there awhile alone. You have to treat them like a toddler if they are quiet they are in to something. So I now have that door locked and informed the caregiver to always keep an eye on her unless you want a mess. She does not do that at my house and I have her 3 nights a week and she does not do that at her adult daycare which she goes 3-4 days a week. When my mom stays with me I am with her at all times and if not its because we are all sleeping. And you have to sleep lightly. When she is at the daycare there is someone always watching her. If you don't pay attention to them they will act out.

On a lighter note, have you tried cheese? Lots of it!

Just thinking out loud, please do not be insulted in this sounds harsh.
This sounds like a desperate situation that must be contaminated. With dementia reasoning and talking wont help.
How about the incontinence equivalent of a straight jacket....overalls that tie in the back, maybe around the shoulder blades, or incorporate a tie plastic wrap. Something that would require assistance to exit. A creative seamstress could alter regular overalls.
Of course, this would be worn with depends and she would need to be bathed and changed regularly.
She may rebel against this, but it may be worth a try. At least to need a solution for when you need to take her to the doctor's office.

Unfortunately an AL would likely handle this by sedation. They would not put up with random fecal deposits. You cannot either, this is not only hard to deal with but can cause infections in your home. Sedation will "fix" the problem, but it should be the last resort. Do not feel guilty if you have to go there.
Sorry you are dealing with this, it is a tough one to handle and preserve dignity.

Big hug yellow fever this isnt easy! just now this may sound odd but maybe its easier in a way for me that she has a bag as I just use my rubber gloves and throw them out.
Gosh if someone had told me years ago id be on a forum talking about poo id have said they were mad!!!!!xx

my mum does this she has peed on her floor several times and having a colostomy bag she leaves them all over the place. This is the first thing that I noticed something wasnt right she gets angry when I notice something but keeps doing it shes not looking for attention as she does get embarrassed but then she keeps doing it sometimes shes aware and wont let you into her bedroom then other times she dosnt react? its awful but part of the dementia she was always so clean and tidy and now peeing all over her bedroom floor or the bathroom floor. I just clean it up and say nothing but am sure its not attention she will do it no matter who comes in the house!

My mom refuses to use the bathroom. If I ask her she always says she doesn't have to go and if I try to make her go (like put her on a schedule) she becomes angry and refuses to go in the bathroom. Any suggestions on how I can get her on a schedule using the bathroom instead of always going in her depends?

Angelo--NO he is not doing it on purpose. I went through this with my mom when she was not incontinent either. I got her unstrippable pajamas from buck and buck online. That was 4 years ago, its just a phase and its the toughest phase but it does pass. Hang in there!!!

Wow. This scenario would definitely spur me to place my loved one. I've actually had that discussion with her that if she becomes bowel incontinent - it will be the day we hire round the clock aides. If they can't take care of it, then it's time for some level of memory care / nursing home for me. I have a lot of patience with Mom, but I have a very weak stomach for such things (I don't have children.)

I sure hope you find a solution! You will be in my prayers.

My alzheimer's husband knows I just cleaned the rug. He is not incontinent. When I got up in the morning he had urinated all over the living room rug, & in the hallway where he never goes near. Is this just being mean?

I am a RN supervisor in a secure dementia unit. I have seen those types of behavior in many residents we have had over the years. Sometimes it is a phase of their illness and others there can be underlying problems. If this has been more of a sudden change of behavior, you may want to look at possibility of a UTI. Otherwise, using incontinent briefs and a toileting schedule is probably the best way to handle the problem without creating more behaviors.

This is horrible. I am so sorry. MOM refuses adult diapers and arts her pants a lot, but so far no poop. These are good suggestions. I know my mother's behavior is not consistent and it is like she pays us back when we take time to do something together. We call it punishment. We are trying to get our house ready to sell and its really hard to do with bedside commode and unpleasant odors. Again, I am so sorry.

My mom passed away on 2 june 2013. My caregiver relationship and journey has come to an end. I know this is so off to topic. I think I could right a book on everything you are experiencing. But, let me leave you with these words to ponder. Keep reminding yourself, you are doing the best you can with love and kindness. Dementia is a terrible disability. You can't win, but you can adjust to it. There is no wrong or right answer to the decisions you will be making in the coming days. They will all be right for you. You are dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't. So make your decisions, let them settle in your bones, and take every day as it is, the present. Your mom will astound and teach you many things in the coming days. When she is finally gone, you will miss her and thank her for how strong she made you. Join a support group, find a friend who is going through the same thing. Unless you have a parent with dementia, any from of dementia, others cannot understand! You will survive this time in your life, and your mom is blessed to have you. You are allowed to scream and then let the acceptance of dementia settle in your bones. Blessings!

My husband has Parkinson's and related dementia and has the same problem as your mother. He knows he has to pee and just does it wherever he is. He wears Depends but won't or doesn't know that he can pee in them. He also has lost control of his bowels but does use the Depends for that. I've tried everything to get him to use the toilet or urinal but he won't unless I follow him around 24/7 and watch him getting ready to pull down his pants. I get so frustrated and tired of cleaning these messes up but I understand it isn't his fault. I wish there was a magic answer. We do see the doctor in a couple of weeks so I plan to ask him for suggestions. Good luck with your mom.

Oh ya, been there, even had to take my Mom to the emergency room years ago and then I learned. You need to get some KY jelly and help her get it out as she sits onthe toilet. My Mom takes daily 3 teaspoons of miralax in 4 oz of coffee each morning. She has prune pudding 2x a day with her pills, and 1/2 cup prune juice and applesauce mixed and warmed at night. You have to keep right on top of their diet. As far as the pants, I soak urine pants in pinesol and hot water before I put in my washing machine, or I use Irish spring gel soap which smells great. If they are underpants, chuck em out! lol Good Luck

has anyone experienced fectal impaction? I am almost certain that is what is happening to my mother. She has mid to late stage alzheimer's but still goes to the bathroom on her own...Although she cannot remember if she has had a BM...then there is poop in her pants 2x a day with a messy butt.....Is there any good way to wash them?

Jersey, Its tough. She sounds wonderful and cannot help the way she is for sure.My Mom used to drop her pants and pee on the floor and I had to get unstrippable pajamas, oh ya, it gets much worse, hang in there! I used to ask my Mom to come and look at the dog or bird, etc outside through the bathroom window, I made up things. Once in there, I said "well we may as well go pee now before bed huh?" It seemed to work but she was very very forgetful . Sounds like you are dealing with your Mom when she is having sundowners. If you put a tena pad in her diaper in the morning and she is still dry, forget it. There is no reasoning with them during sundowners. Be thankful she can still walk and talk and live alone, seriously. I used to give my Mom towels to fold, play cards with her, (even though she didnt understand it), have her put the tbags into a container, anything to keep her busy during the day, maybe you could try daycare so she wont sit all day. Best of luck. Here's poems to read...
Please don’t try and make me Remember…
Don’t try and make me Understand…
Just let me Rest and know you’re with Me…
Kiss my Cheek and Hold my Hand

I’m Confused beyond your concept…
I am Sad and Sick and Lost…
All I know is that I need You…
To be with me at all cost.

Don’t lose your patience with Me…
Please don’t Scold me, Curse, or Cry….
I can’t help the way I am Acting…
Although I will try.

Just Remember that I need You…
And the Best of me is Gone…
Please just stay beside me…
Until my Life is Done.
______________________
Alzheimers patients have the ability to read body language and voice inflections long into their illness.
They will still feel frustration, anger, loss, happiness, sadness, joy and love
BUT…they lose the ability to channel those feelings productively due to their brain.
A change in Environment is devastating, heightens behavior problems, disrupts sleeping, eating and toileting problems also impacting greatly on the caretaker.

Here's my issue. Every time I think I have it down, it changes and I am not good with change. My mother is 89 and has lewy body dementia... bad... I don't know what stage, but she was diagnosed at least 2 years ago and had it prior to that for probably 5 years and coming on for 7 before that.... since her tia's in the 90's. Anyway, she is in her own apartment attached to my house. I do everything for her. She basically sits in a recliner until I get her up to go someplace. Most commonly, I am trying to get her to go to the bathroom, which is now down to 2x a day. I take her every morning and again before dinner (while it's still light out). She wears a diaper and when we go into the bathroom, I never know what to expect... whether it's an easy one or a shower. In the morning, it's not a problem so far. She is cooperative and lovely to be around. In the evening, well, that's another story. I am at my wits end. She absolutely refuses at least every other night to go into the bathroom. As I feel this is completely unsanitary, I keep trying everything to remedy the situation. She just simply refuses based on the fact that she shouldn't have to listen to what anyone tells her to do at her age. No matter how many times I explain the importance of this to her, she still flat out refuses to budge. Anyone have any ideas?

Here's my issue. Every time I think I have it down, it changes and I am not good with change. My mother is 89 and has lewy body dementia... bad... I don't know what stage, but she was diagnosed at least 2 years ago and had it prior to that for probably 5 years and coming on for 7 before that.... since her tia's in the 90's. Anyway, she is in her own apartment attached to my house. I do everything for her. She basically sits in a recliner until I get her up to go someplace. Most commonly, I am trying to get her to go to the bathroom, which is now down to 2x a day. I take her every morning and again before dinner (while it's still light out). She wears a diaper and when we go into the bathroom, I never know what to expect... whether it's an easy one or a shower. In the morning, it's not a problem so far. She is cooperative and lovely to be around. In the evening, well, that's another story. I am at my wits end. She absolutely refuses at least every other night to go into the bathroom. As I feel this is completely unsanitary, I keep trying everything to remedy the situation. She just simply refuses based on the fact that she shouldn't have to listen to what anyone tells her to do at her age. No matter how many times I explain the importance of this to her, she still flat out refuses to budge. Anyone have any ideas?

Yellowfever...I know just what you are going through. My father is peeing everywhere, I think he is doing it on purpose to get my attention. I recently have considered getting carpet protection film for his room and putting absorbent pads or small carpets on top of it. I get so tire of trying clean urine out of carpet. I also have some fabric bed pads I use on the floor, he also spends the day picking them up . He also will deliberately pee where there is no pad. It is a work in progress. I hope the covering the carpet will at least make the cleaning easier.

My dear, your mom Does have Denmentia and the brain is a funny (no pun intended) thing. I assure you as good as you are at keeping it from the hubby and kiddies they will find out when it gets worse, which I'm sorry to tell you, it surely will. I myself wished to keep my mother home and not in a nursing home but learned my lesson when she insisted on trying to cook and fell. My only advice if you are not ready to use her medicare and put her in a nursing home is to try a "chastity belt" on top of her depends so she cannot get it off. I once worked with autistic children and we had to use a tightly wrapped belt to prevent one of the children from putting her hands into her period flow and smearing it. But beware, if mom cannot get to her poo to play she may get frustrated and start another new and just as unacceptable behavior.

Creolgrl: You have to make a list. What to do first, second, third, etc. First, evaluate the situation and ask yourself, "Can I continue to live this way." If the answer is NO, then the next question is "How do I change the situation." You have to understand your options. Then you can make informed choices. Have you checked with your local Area on Aging? Have you talked to Social Services? Does your mom qualify for Medicaid. Are there financial issues, house your mom owns on your mind? What is your sanity and health worth.

Give all of this serious thought. You must make time to reflect and understand why you are in this situation. Whatever the reason, if it is affecting your health, you must be still inside and address all the underling issues.

We can help you and support you. You just have to be honest with yourself. I'm sure you want the best for your mom, but you count too.

Love and hugs....please stay in touch. Cattails

Wow i thought i was alone on this one. My Mom is doing all the above but i'm trying invain to take care of her but it's harder day by day. My son helps and says for me not to let this get the best of me. I'm doing all i can not to break i move in with her when her doc said she's getting dementia i'm lost on what to do,her papers are all over i don't know what's what. I don't have time to find out she takes all the time i have i'm having a hard time and on top of it all no sibiling support ! :{

Lots of disinfectant gloves trash bags and disposable bedding face masks to help from the smell and so far it has helped havent gotten sick yet thank goodness

I fear for your safety from ecoli (sp). How in the world do you keep from getting sick. If ihad to deal with that I would have to go nursing home route I feel for you sweetie! Does sound like
She is being a naughty little child. hugs to you!

If your FIL has no assets -- his property was foreclosed -- and has only his SS check to live on, chances are very good he will qualify for medicaid. They would cover either nursing home placement or some paid help at home.

You say that you don't have money for placement. You don't have to have money. Your FIL is the one who would be expected to pay. If he can't, he will qualify for medicaide and/or other progams.

Not having money is no reason for you and your husband to provide hands-on 24/7 care. Do not abandom your FIL-- that is not what I'm suggesting at all -- but do realize that there are ways to see that he gets good care that don't involve him being in your home.

Wishing you could teach him doesn't make it possible.