We try it, but all she did was complain,night and day.. am now in a deep depression, thoughs of killing myself. I ask her to please stop but she doesn’t.. I don’t what to do.. help
Hi Semper, Caregiving is a long difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide for you. Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255
So Mother wants to come & live with you - well she can WANT that.. but that does NOT mean it will or should happen.
It's OK to say no.
"No you can't come live with me."
Practice saying it. Over & over to yourself first. Then to her. It may feel awful to start, but it will get easier.
1. When she asks (or demands), say No, you can't. 2. If she keeps asking, warn her you are DONE talking about that. 3. Offer her a suggestion on who to call if she can't cope (like her Doctor). 4. If she still keeps on about it, tell her you have to end the call or visit now & hang up or leave.
Please consider calling lifeline or another appropriate helpline or your Doctor for a chat if you are feeling so down & overwhelmed by this. The pressure of this situation must be awful & it would be good to get more support for yourself.
Where is your Mother now? In assisted living or her own house?
If you are severely depressed and experiencing suicidal thoughts it would be good idea to seek psychiatric help for yourself.
Your profile claims that your mom is in assisted living. She is being cared for. Is there a social worker that your mom can speak with? Clergy? Anyone at the facility? A psychiatrist?
Take a break. Don’t answer your phone. Speak to a professional therapist to help you find a healthy balance in your life.
Be honest with your feelings. Listen to suggestions. Move forward in your life.
You cannot change your mom’s behavior. Accept who she is. Focus on yourself.
Semper you need first to say NO very clearly. Many people say that their parent doesn’t think they mean it. You have to be very very firm. NO. NEVER.
Next, if she keeps ringing and ringing, you need to block her number on your phone. You can ring her, she can’t ring you. You can say that your phone isn’t working right. Or alternatively make the phone send her call to message bank. You can read if there is anything really wrong, or if it’s just more of the same. And you can ring her to check.
You can talk to her about other options, Alternative Living. Get videos to show how nice it can be.
Tell her how bad this is making you feel. If she comes to where you live, make sure she doesn’t have a key to get in. If there is no other way to stop it, follow sjplegacy’s advice and get the law involved.
YOUR LIFE IS AS IMPORTANT AS HERS. DO NOT RISK YOUR LIFE.
You can deal with this. You are under no obligation and have no responsibilty to take her in. I would get the law involved. You can file harrasement charges on her and request a restraining order to prevent her from contacting you. Call your county courts to start this. These are drastic steps that I think you need to take. Also, please make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your depression. You may want to see a psychologist initially instead of your PCP. If you have a church affiliation, ask to meet with the pastor. You can choose to not let this bother you and take the necessary steps to prevent it. Your mother is 64 so you must be quite young. This is not what life has planned for you. Gather the courage and take charge of your life.
Simply tell her that you are sorry, but, no, that won't work for you. That is it. Basically you have to have the courage to advocate for your own LIFE. You only get ONE life, so far as I know. You have a right to live it in peace and happiness. Tell your Mom you will support her needs as well as you are able, but that she cannot live with you. I am so sorry. There is no way this can be done without pain. Not everything can be made perfect. Not everything can be fixed. You are not a Saint. You are a human being, and you have limitations. You sound so very desperate. I hope you have good support from friends and family.
Caregiving is a long difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site.
However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide for you.
Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Call 1-800-273-8255
It's OK to say no.
"No you can't come live with me."
Practice saying it. Over & over to yourself first. Then to her. It may feel awful to start, but it will get easier.
1. When she asks (or demands), say No, you can't.
2. If she keeps asking, warn her you are DONE talking about that.
3. Offer her a suggestion on who to call if she can't cope (like her Doctor).
4. If she still keeps on about it, tell her you have to end the call or visit now & hang up or leave.
Please consider calling lifeline or another appropriate helpline or your Doctor for a chat if you are feeling so down & overwhelmed by this. The pressure of this situation must be awful & it would be good to get more support for yourself.
Where is your Mother now? In assisted living or her own house?
Your profile claims that your mom is in assisted living. She is being cared for. Is there a social worker that your mom can speak with? Clergy? Anyone at the facility? A psychiatrist?
Take a break. Don’t answer your phone. Speak to a professional therapist to help you find a healthy balance in your life.
Be honest with your feelings. Listen to suggestions. Move forward in your life.
You cannot change your mom’s behavior. Accept who she is. Focus on yourself.
Best wishes to you.
Next, if she keeps ringing and ringing, you need to block her number on your phone. You can ring her, she can’t ring you. You can say that your phone isn’t working right. Or alternatively make the phone send her call to message bank. You can read if there is anything really wrong, or if it’s just more of the same. And you can ring her to check.
You can talk to her about other options, Alternative Living. Get videos to show how nice it can be.
Tell her how bad this is making you feel. If she comes to where you live, make sure she doesn’t have a key to get in. If there is no other way to stop it, follow sjplegacy’s advice and get the law involved.
YOUR LIFE IS AS IMPORTANT AS HERS. DO NOT RISK YOUR LIFE.
Tell your Mom you will support her needs as well as you are able, but that she cannot live with you. I am so sorry. There is no way this can be done without pain. Not everything can be made perfect. Not everything can be fixed. You are not a Saint. You are a human being, and you have limitations. You sound so very desperate. I hope you have good support from friends and family.