Follow
Share
Find Care & Housing
You need 8 hours of quality uninterrupted sleep in order to be able to be a caregiver.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Southernwaver
Report

Classic scenario as to why home care doesn't work. Mom needs to be in an AL facility. They have people working there 24/7/365 that can help your mom anytime day or night. Your killing your REM sleep and eventually you will be nothing but a zombie who isn't good for anybody.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to olddude
Report

There are medications for incontinence such as Gemtesa which prevents / minimizes leakage. This is very very common.
Something to think about discussing with her pcp or urologist.
Hope this helps and wishing you the best of luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Mek2466
Report

This is the time that you have to face facts - you are no longer able to be your mother's caregiver.

You have a duty of care for your mum, but you also have a duty of care to yourself. You can't do both in your home, so it's time to outsource one.

There will never be a perfect solution, so you have to choose the one that gives the best quality of life to you because you're the one who is completely aware.

Be an advocate for your mum (that can be exhausting enough), but don't risk your own health and wellbeing by being the hands on caregiver any more. Start looking at care facilities and choose the best affordable one (not affordable for you - you have your own old age to think about - affordable for your mum).

Best wishes for you and your mum.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to MiaMoor
Report

I get you want your Mom to stay fresh & dry overnight but your sleep is very important too.

Is Mom waking you or would she sleep through the night?

Obtain the thickest Depends you can for overnight use. Place a waterproof mattress pad under as well. Do a trial. See if it is enough to manage ok until the morning ie for you both to sleep & Mom to not be drenched.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Beatty
Report
cwillie May 28, 2024
This is the way. Tena overnights or premium brands like Prevail, Tranquility, Abena and others are much more absorbent than any Depends I've ever tried.

https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=most+absorbent+diapers
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
Change mom before bed and once again around 4am, that's it. Or get a used Purewick system on Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

Your Mom is only 83.
She likely has a good 10 years of life left and you tell us in your profile that you are 63.
You're my daughter's age, and your mom is about my age (82 this year).
It would absolutely SLAY me to think that she would sacrifice her own life on the burning funeral pyre when this is the most free she has ever been with her son raised and through college and out on his own. She and her hubby, 70, now can travel, enjoy their paid off home, do all the things they always longed to do. How horrible to think that she would sacrifice her own life for me when I have HAD MY LIFE.

I encourage you to have open discussions now with your husband about a future for the two of you. Yes, this will mean placement. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it, and this is going to get worse and worse until it kills you off. You will no longer be a daughter but a caregiver, and that is the one who bears the brunt of all our anger over our normal losses with aging.

We now live too long. I am convinced of that. We are taking our children down with us.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I encourage you to come to some of the tough decisions for your own life now. At least open the discussion and begin to think of options.
Helpful Answer (22)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
graygrammie Jun 1, 2024
This is exactly why I plan to move to a CCRC. I will not put the burden on my children that was put on me. My biggest problem is figuring out where I want to live the rest of my life. I want my kids to have the retirement years that I have yet to have.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
They've got something out there called the "purewick"(?) system,Hospitals use these, too. It slips between the legs and it sucks up into a container. I kinda looked into it, seems a bit spendy. I guess you have to add up the cost for everything you're currently spending to see if it works for you. Other than that, just regulating fluids before bedtime,just like the little ones.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JuliaH
Report

This is just a bit too much. You need sleep. I assume she is wearing night time depends? I bought twin bed sized washable pads for my moms bed for when she has accidents. She is now in AL. I would hire someone to take the night shift or put mom in the appropriate setting for her issues.

Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to againx100
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter