I understand that he doesn’t know what he was doing but are there regulations to protect mom and other patients from this happening again. Does he have to move out? What should we do?
Can I just shout out a great, big THANK-YOU! To whoever the poster that is calling out the instigator trying to play devil's advocate on the topic of sexual assault in a memory care facility. You are absolutely right about it just being in bad taste to do so. It is.
I'm pretty sure the person trying to play devil's advocate here is not a lawyer. I truly hope the OP (Terri1959) disregards their legal advice and has a consultation with a actual attorney and talks to the police. If the local police do not have a special crimes division, the state police will. The local police can put the OP in touch with them. ~BC
OP said sexual assault, not rape. But regardless, I agree with everyone: go to the police. Ask the police what to do. Unfortunately, it’s not the first time in a facility. Your poor mom.
First file a police report. Get a rape kit. Doors on rooms should be locked at all times. Facility has a master key so that should not be a problem. Hold the facility, and family accountable for this act.
So what has the facility done about this? Have they filed a police report? Kicked the rapist out of the facility? Or have they done nothing about it? You need to go to the police and make a report today. Now. I don't care if the man has alzheimer's rape is rape. I can't believe the OP is not at the facility raising holy hell about this situation. It sounds like the rapist is still at the mom's facility too.
And for everyone who thinks sex in a memory care facility with dementia and alzheimer's people is OK what is wrong with you?
There can NEVER be consent among either group. Biological instincts can be heightened among the demented and this should never be considered consent. Ever. That is why these facilities need to start having gender segregated wings for sleeping. I am sure they can use new technology to upgrade these facilities to help with the safety of their residents. BUT why bother when they can rake in ALL the profits without having to implement safety protocols to prevent things like this from happening. It is disgusting and happens a lot more than people realize.
On what grounds do you think they will lose even if they have more lawyers? What exactly can they say that could wash always their liability from protecting the residents from harm?
Do facilities or families really pull the well they have dementia so how do we know what the truth is? Why is sex even allowed in a MC facility in the first place. If someone is in MC generally it is assumed they lack capacity, if they lack capacity how do they understand what consent is in regards to sex.
How are facilities even ran like this. Generally seems like placing your LO just creates a different set of worries and responsibilities and not does necessarily lessen the load and burden.
“What exactly can they say that could wash always their liability from protecting the residents from harm?”
With more lawyers, I just mean that facilities have years of experience of how to get out of liability. They have thousands of lawyers drafting their papers, to make sure they win future court cases.
Examples of what the facility can say: 1. We did put the necessary safety measures! We can’t prevent everything! We did what we could! 2. Or: She wanted it! Even in her demented state, she wanted it! She didn’t protest against the man. 3. Or:….
You get the drift.
HOWEVER, there are some events in a facility that are SO BAD, that if you can show it happened, there’s no excuse. That means, strict liability. That means the facility can’t say, “But, but…”
It depends on HOW BAD the bad event is.
A never-event. Something that should never have happened. And just the fact that it happened (never mind how it happened), you’re guilty/liable.
OP, some options: Speak to a lawyer (I think you’ll lose) Speak to the family of the man (ask them to help you too; ideas how to confront the facility) Speak to the facility for lack of safety measures
No it’s not terrible or criminal. There is almost no information about what actually happened. This post happened immediately after another similar question – possibly to keep it going? Both parties probably have limited understanding, may not even remember it. Men have a 'sex' problem all the time, including our own fathers in facilities. Where are they supposed to go? Alcatraz? Compulsory ‘euthanasia’?
I have already suggested an easy answer - doors that only the resident or staff can open.
There are 2,000 more lawyers who will drool like hungry dogs at the possibility of suing a nursing home. Care facilities have very deep pockets. In fact, I see advertisements all the time on tv, on line for law firms who want to go after care facility abuse.
I don't know how this is actually handled, but it does happen. One of my instructors shared a story with us about a male CNA who was sexually abusing a female resident. This instructor was on duty during the nightshift and saw the resident with her adult brief around her knees. The culprit heard the RN and left the room. She could never catch him in the act.
I would consult a lawyer if you know that your mother has been assaulted.
It is ashame that our elderly are not safe from people in these facilities.
Not everyone may agree with this, but your post covers a lot of options. ‘Sexual assault’ these days covers a range of activities from rape with physical injuries, to something more like a pat on the breast. Memory care may mean that mother forgot it almost immediately, up to she keeps dwelling on it, particularly if people remind her regularly. Perhaps try to separate mother’s issues from your own reactions. After all, our own reactions don’t go too well on spitting out food in our faces, whatever we think about it.
A while ago I had a difficult meeting with the boss of a respite care facility for young people with mental illness. Mother insisted on a lock on her daughter's door, with which I agreed (I wouldn’t sleep there without a lock). The boss thought I was referring to assaults by a staff member. In fact the concern was other inmates. The obvious answer (there and here) was the ordinary lock for public toilets, lockable on the inside and with a slot on the outside, opened by screwdriver.
This is one of my wife's concerns, I would assume he would be the one that has to move. Question is does your mother feel safe where she is? Memory loss or no if she does not feel safe maybe she should also move? With enough sink a case could be made the facility should have to cover the cost of said move.
https://apps.rainn.org/policy/compare/consent-laws.cfm
and the article "Can People With Dementia Give Consent to Have Sex? Addressing the Ethical Dilemma of Informed Consent"
https://www.verywellhealth.com/should-people-with-dementia-have-sex-4156679
My best to you and your family.
I'm pretty sure the person trying to play devil's advocate here is not a lawyer. I truly hope the OP (Terri1959) disregards their legal advice and has a consultation with a actual attorney and talks to the police. If the local police do not have a special crimes division, the state police will. The local police can put the OP in touch with them.
~BC
go to the police. Ask the police what to do. Unfortunately, it’s not the first time in a facility. Your poor mom.
Get a rape kit.
Doors on rooms should be locked at all times.
Facility has a master key so that should not be a problem.
Hold the facility, and family accountable for this act.
And for everyone who thinks sex in a memory care facility with dementia and alzheimer's people is OK what is wrong with you?
There can NEVER be consent among either group. Biological instincts can be heightened among the demented and this should never be considered consent. Ever. That is why these facilities need to start having gender segregated wings for sleeping. I am sure they can use new technology to upgrade these facilities to help with the safety of their residents. BUT why bother when they can rake in ALL the profits without having to implement safety protocols to prevent things like this from happening. It is disgusting and happens a lot more than people realize.
Do facilities or families really pull the well they have dementia so how do we know what the truth is? Why is sex even allowed in a MC facility in the first place. If someone is in MC generally it is assumed they lack capacity, if they lack capacity how do they understand what consent is in regards to sex.
How are facilities even ran like this. Generally seems like placing your LO just creates a different set of worries and responsibilities and not does necessarily lessen the load and burden.
With more lawyers, I just mean that facilities have years of experience of how to get out of liability. They have thousands of lawyers drafting their papers, to make sure they win future court cases.
Examples of what the facility can say:
1. We did put the necessary safety measures! We can’t prevent everything! We did what we could!
2. Or: She wanted it! Even in her demented state, she wanted it! She didn’t protest against the man.
3. Or:….
You get the drift.
HOWEVER,
there are some events in a facility that are SO BAD, that if you can show it happened, there’s no excuse. That means, strict liability. That means the facility can’t say, “But, but…”
It depends on HOW BAD the bad event is.
A never-event. Something that should never have happened. And just the fact that it happened (never mind how it happened), you’re guilty/liable.
When you enter a facility you don’t consent to “maybe getting raped”.
Speak to a lawyer (I think you’ll lose)
Speak to the family of the man (ask them to help you too; ideas how to confront the facility)
Speak to the facility for lack of safety measures
I have already suggested an easy answer - doors that only the resident or staff can open.
Yes it is, if the mom didn’t want it. If she protested, didn’t want to be touched. Awful for the mom.
Of course the facility will never admit they’re at fault, just like many human beings will never admit when they do something bad.
If you try to sue, remember that they have 1,000 more lawyers than you. But anyway, if you want, speak to a lawyer.
There are 2,000 more lawyers who will drool like hungry dogs at the possibility of suing a nursing home. Care facilities have very deep pockets.
In fact, I see advertisements all the time on tv, on line for law firms who want to go after care facility abuse.
I hope your mother will be ok .
How does one even go about finding out this happen? Cameras? Eyewitness? Your mother?
I am sorry this has happened to you, and I hope your mother and yourself are able to find peace.
I would consult a lawyer if you know that your mother has been assaulted.
It is ashame that our elderly are not safe from people in these facilities.
I think this is probably about the worst and most disgusting things that can be imagined.
The punishment for such a crime should be life in prison for that.
A while ago I had a difficult meeting with the boss of a respite care facility for young people with mental illness. Mother insisted on a lock on her daughter's door, with which I agreed (I wouldn’t sleep there without a lock). The boss thought I was referring to assaults by a staff member. In fact the concern was other inmates. The obvious answer (there and here) was the ordinary lock for public toilets, lockable on the inside and with a slot on the outside, opened by screwdriver.
Was your mother taken to the hospital and examined by a doctor?
Were the police called?
Go to the cops then go talk to a lawyer. For your mother's sake and her personal safety, please do both immediately.