We have visited and applied to many local nursing homes, but all have over a year waiting list. We should have anticipated this, but we didn't. Her medical needs are way beyond our capabilities, and in home care is more than she or we can manage. Medicaid at home assistance in our state is only a few hours a week. Unless she has an acute medical incident requiring a three day hospital stay, she cannot get into a nursing home before her money runs out. What can we do? We seem to have no options.
I've been taking care of my mom with end-stage Alzheimer's for YEARS and it has taken enormous emotional, psychological, financial and physical toll on me. it's very hard and VERY stressful that I do not recommend this route for anybody. However, I love my mom dearly so I put up with anything she can dish out, and I care less about my own life and health and willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to keep her comfortable and going. Because when they are gone you will never see them again. I often get nightmares about this. I dream of my mom dying or turning into a skeleton in front of me and I wake up screaming.
I tell people put them in a nursing home if you can. Otherwise you will end up like me and every waking second is attending to a very old, confused, weak and sometimes combative person..and every second constantly on guard for her safety. It's very hard. It's a very heartbreaking..and backbreaking..experience.
Contacting your local agencies on Aging is very important right now. If there is a discharge imminent from the ALF, reach out to your Ombudsman, Adult Protective Services etc. They can not carry out an unsafe discharge that puts the resident in harms way. This will prompt the ALF to go further to assist you and your needs.
Is the ALF your Mom is currently residing in a Medicaid approved community, after a private pay spend down? Do they have a sister community or a SNF that can assist. Press them, as there is nothing to lose. They are culpable in this situation. You should have foreseen this but they did not due their due diligence in assessing your ability to pay from the start.
Many SNF/ Skilled Nursing Facilities will take direct Medicaid or admittance after a spend down of 3-6 months private pay. The year wait seems excessive; is this a year for private pay or waitlist? If it’s a waitlist, then you need to call weekly to each SNF, since people on the list move into another facility, remain at home or pass away while waiting. It is only a guesstimate on their part and very fluid.
Going to the hospital is only a very short term fix. Getting a 3 midnight admission into the hospital to qualify for a Medicare event is not a given. Also, if admitted and discharged to a SNF; likelihood only a small fraction of the 100 days granted by Medicare is to be given. Medicare does not keep paying if certain medical metrics are not met.
Is there an a life insurance policy in place that has a value of $100k. The value in the policy has the potential to offset care costs. Companies will give a percentage of the policies payout value for needs like these. Something to explore.
Finding a live in might be your immediate answer. Look to your local churches and charitable organizations for potential candidates.
Good luck. Gods speed.
Get her on every waiting list you can. Visit homes AFTER she's on the list.
Make sure you are casting a wide geographic range.
After a long and tedious search a friend of mine found a religious group that ran a little nursing home. There were only two dozen residents or so. They accepted Medicaid. The place was simple, clean, and the staff was friendly. She placed her older sister with them after the money from the sale of her sister's home was spent and she could no longer afford the "nice nursing home".
I am in a similar situation with the exception that my mother was evicted from an assisted living because of aggressive behavior which the aides invoked. But that is a whole ‘nuther conversation.
In retrospect, I wish I would have used the $90,000 that I wasted on assisted living and bought a house and hired private duty aides to keep my mother safe for as long as possible. Now my mother is back living with my husband and me and not only is it placing a strain on my marriage, it is affecting our health.
I know it is too late for the original poster, but others need to be aware of what a scam the assisted living industry is. Choose placement carefully.
So it is not all on the nation to provide for us in our retirement you have to save and prepare for your retirement.
Forget about saving money, the house, and "valuables" to pass on to your heirs this is what you use your assets for. No one wants the house, no one wants Grandma Betty's dresser...what they want is to not have to take you in because you can not live alone any longer or have to worry when you need extended care.
Between a rock and a hard place.
Biscer611 offers good advice, I think.
See All Answers