My mother paid to have her ashes buried at my dad's feet. They won't do it, because 2 of my sisters say no. What are my options and why was this not disclosed?

Split up the ashes. One-third of the ashes for each sister. They do what they want to do, and you inter your share at your dad's feet. Would Frederick Memorial cooperate with that? They have laws about remains that they must follow, apparently. But maybe one-third of the ashes would qualify. It would at least give the funeral staff something to talk about over coffee in between cremations.

This is a good time to bring up a form, Disposition of Bodily Remains. We should all have one, signed and notarized in the state where we live. That avoids haggling at a difficult time.

Susie, I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be very distressing.

What do the sisters want to do with Mom is what I'd be asking. They'd prefer Mom wasn't with Dad? Why?

I just went to your profile and see your Mom has been cremated. Sent me back to erase my original recommendation.

The undertaker and poet Thomas Lynch, whose writings I love, has observed that once someone is dead there is nothing you can do FOR, TO, WITH or ABOUT them. Your Mom is gone and her body is ashes.

Were it me, I would likely find a way to spread these ashes (there is always so much more than you think there will be) quietly and with none knowing. Can't recommend that to YOU, and likely it isn't lawful. Just sayin.......................................

And if the above sounds just to scary or unlawful to do I would spread Mom's ashes somewhere she loved. My Mom was in a rose garden.

Best to you. And remember, if Mom paid for this and you have the contract, then you have a foot up in court when they arrest you for spreading ashes.

Susie64, welcome to the forum. I am curious if your sisters are against the idea of Mom's ashes being buried at Dad's "feet", instead of being buried at the "head" or "heart" of your Dad's casket?

Normally a cemetery will allow in one grave plot a casket and an urn. The urn can be placed anywhere within that plot. So it doesn't make sense why a cemetery would now turn down your Mom's request especially since she had already paid for this extra service.

Cemeteries honor the request of the owner of said plot, if that request is within reason, and allowed with State laws. Something else is going on here.

Why would your sisters not honor your Moms wishes. I have never understood this. An older friend of mine had told her daughter she wanted a closed casket when she died. Her daughter went against her wishes and had an open one. This was 45 yrs ago. I agree, if the cemetery won't abide by Moms wishes, they need to return the money with interest.

Why does Frederick Memorial think they need your sisters' consent? And why are they opposing it? Without this information, you won't get the best answers from this forum.

If this burial is something specified in your Mother's valid Will, and she paid for this and can prove it, then it shouldn't matter what the Executor thinks (if it is one or both of the sisters)... even more so if they are NOT the executors.

Have an attorney write up a breach of contract letter (or something like that) to send to Frederick Memorial.

Other than the hurt and frustration at not being able to follow your mother's wishes I don't see that you have anything to lose by just walking away and letting your sisters deal with it, it seems you have more than enough other things to deal with right now.

If they won't do it then they need to refund that money. Why won't your sisters consent to it?