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I'm sure there will be plenty of lawsuits coming in soon enough and they will have zero money. Maybe her husband will understand in these terms. Please tell him these exact words.

'Keep letting her drive and you will both lose everything. Don't let her dangerously asinine nonsense about driving lead to a cardboard condo in an alley somewhere becaue you lose your home to a personal injury claim.'

Also, tell the state police to never call you again. Let them know that they are to call her husband and not you.

I don't understand how she's able to get all these vehicles she buys insured and registered if she has had her license revoked. No insurance company will insure a driver if they're license has been taken away. So this means, every time she totals another car, it's not covered by insurance. I don't think her husband is going to drop thousands of dollars every few weeks to get her a new car. No one is that stupid. Either you're leaving out a huge piece of the story, or you don't know the full story.

If she crashed into a store, the police gave her more than a citation. They don't just let someone walk away from that.

I also cannot believe that there are not many lawsuits being filed for the property damage she's done.
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ElizaZ Apr 12, 2024
BurntCaregiver,
Thank you for your thoughtful response. The elderly gentleman plowed into my parents, and my father died. My mother survived with injuries. That’s how I became her caregiver. The gentleman served 8 months in jail bc he had “no priors”. He balked at paying my father’s funeral expenses ($8k, ordered by the court), so I had to be on him and his parole officer at every turn to get him to pay my mother the whole amount. He wasn’t even remorseful. It was a huge ordeal at the time. My dad was only 68 and he was a new grandpa. It was sad and devastating. Thank you for your kind words. You always give the best responses.
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Agree with those who say walk away. I would hate for her to hurt someone else too but it’s not your responsibility. You have enough on your plate, take care of yourself and the baby. Tell the police she is their problem and her husband’s.

I don’t say this lightly, I know how hard it is to walk away but under the circumstances, you must for your own well being and for the sake of your child.
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Your mother's reckless driving responsibility falls on her husband to stop her driving. You take care of yourself and your new baby.
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Take Out the battery. Who gives you the keys? Or how does she get the keys? Is a steering wheel lock?
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fluffy1966 Apr 11, 2024
Read about her husband's enabling behavior, and the fact that the daughter does not live in same city.
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The problem here is her husband who keeps enabling the behavior. Maybe he wants her out of the picture.. just saying.
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Santalynn Apr 11, 2024
Makes you wonder whether husband, who LW said doesn't 'gaf', is OK with her eventually killing herself so keeps buying her the means; terrible thought, I know, but possible.
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Perhaps an Elder Law Attorney could advise you in this case. It seems her husband is enabling her. Maybe there are some legal steps that can be taken to force him to be responsible.
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Santalynn Apr 11, 2024
my thought exactly, an easy way to get rid of her, indirectly; he is then also party to any damage/injury/death to innocents affected by her crashes
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I believe it's her HUSBAND you need to appeal to. Is he afflicted with dementia that he cannot comprehend she's a MENACE to the road? Nobody in their right mind(s) would continue to enable this woman to keep driving! Whoever her POA is could be responsible for criminal negligence for allowing her to drive knowing she has no license AND has had all these crashes with Parkinson's disease going on. Mull that one over.
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Who took her license away the 2x? If the State, you need to contact DMV and tell them she is a danger to herself and others. That the police don't seem to do anything. Maybe they will call her in for a retest. Maybe her Dr. can contact DMV and tell them her illness is effecting her driving. I can't imagine that her insurance is not sky high or they have dropped her.

Maybe talk to her husband? Tell him that he is enabling her. That the car needs to be sold or stored off the property. That your Mom should not be driving and she is going to kill herself or someone else. Please, stop replacing her cars.
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The next time police call you, please plainly state that you live 3 hours away, have a baby and a brain tumor and you aren’t responsible for your mother.

You depend on the police to assess that she is a danger to herself and the public.

They are the ones with the authority to stop her and since they won’t, the public will continue to be in danger from her and you pray every day she doesn’t kill herself or anyone else.

Then say your brain tumor is hurting and hang up and document what you said.
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have the doctor write a Note for the DMV and revoke her license and sell the car or grab the car Keys when she isn't looking
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AlvaDeer Apr 6, 2024
License was already revoked, and car was twice disabled I think she said.
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You are not your mother's keeper.
Think of the numbers of people doing exactly what she is doing who have no family members at all to intervene. They are likely legion out there.

You currently have too full a plate to take this on. You need to understand that to your core.

Unless your mother provided your phone number to law enforcement, I cannot imagine why they called you and I am hoping you ARE NOT her POA and that you never attempt to take this on. Clearly her husband cannot control here. She should likely be in care. That is HIS problem, not yours.

You tell us this:
"She lives with her husband a 3 hour drive from me. Now I have a baby and recently was diagnosed with a brain tumor so I can’t care for her. Her husband is 10y older than she is and just doesn’t gaf."

1) You are dealing with a brain tumor.
2) You are dealing with a baby.
3) Your mother has a husband.

You need to let this go.
The very most I would do is, when next law enforcement calls, I would tell them I am not involved with my mother. Period. End of sentence. I would give him/her the history and suggest mother be locked up if that's how they can keep her off the street.

Given no calls from law enforcement, you should consider calling APS and suggesting they open a case here, and let them know that you are dealing with a new baby AND a brain tumor and cannot intervene.

I wish you the best for your own health. As to your mother I ALSO don't gaf, and I only hope she doesn't injure someone before she is placed in care.
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Fawnby Apr 6, 2024
I hope her mother doesn't live anywhere near me. It's already daunting enough here with the over-55 residents in my community who refuse to give up driving. A couple of weeks ago, there was a hit-and-run golf cart crash. Probably a resident who doesn't have a driver's license anymore and feared getting caught. Trouble is, a golf cart driver is required to have a valid driver's license in this state, but they get so far gone they don't even know that much.
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You can’t do anything. Detach.
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If you get a call from a police officer telling you mom crashed you simply say...
"that is terrible, I am sorry to hear that I hope no one was hurt. I am not responsible for my mother"
The last part of that statement is important. YOU are NOT responsible for your mother or her actions or her decisions.
Make it clear to her and her husband that when she does seriously injure someone and or causes serious harm/damage that you will NOT take them in when they lose EVERYTHING in the lawsuit.
I would guess that she is not insured so this is a very good possibility.
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I was hoping this would be that time, but of course, her crash happened a few feet outside city limits and the troopers showed up, who had no idea and just approached the situation as for an old sad poor lady. She plays that role well. And she lied that her husband is bedbound, that she didn’t know her license was revoked, it wasn’t her fault etc. It’s such a crazy situation I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t living it. I hope she spends a night in jail next time and thinks a little, although I doubt anything can get to her. I’m just worried she will hurt someone.
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waytomisery Apr 5, 2024
You are a good person for trying .
It’s out of your hands .

Take care of you and your baby .
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After reading your replies , I can’t think of anything else except to just keep telling your story to the police when they call .

And do not be involved with your mother at all . Like another said , don’t bail her out.
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I wonder if your Mom even has car insurance anymore . They may drop her.
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Toposfera907 Apr 5, 2024
She’s never had one, it’s all under her husbands name, and honestly they probably have insane payments but the bad thing is they don’t care about money. Wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t have any insurance at all. They both are the type of person who gets away with everything, have plenty of money and live in a small remote town perfect for their craziness.
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Since she's broken the law many times resulting in crashes, why don't the police arrest her? Could you have a talk with someone in charge at the law enforcement agency that stops her and explain things? Maybe they'd lock her up.

This seems like a longstanding mental illness in addition to the Parkinson's.

I hope you can get her off the roads.
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Toposfera907 Apr 5, 2024
Thank you for your advice. Yes, I’ve talked both to police department and the state troopers that both have been involved depending on where the crashes have been. None of them have done anything so far other than citations. I talk to a different person every time and nobody is in the same page. The police told me a week ago if she’s caught driving it would be a criminal charge and she would go to jail, but today the trooper didn’t agree and didn’t take her anywhere, so she went home with the neighbor she somehow summoned. So nobody is on the same page, no one person is in charge and it’s just a different promise every time. So I honestly don’t know, since I can’t tell them what to do or influence their decisions. I just tell this story to every new one each time and it goes nowhere.
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I am so sorry to hear you have a brain tumour. I hope treatment is sucessfull & you can go on to enjoy life with your husband & baby.

Regarding your Mother,
this is a duty of care vs freedom issue.

You do not hold duty of care for your Mother. You are not her Guardian. Her behaviour is not within your control.

Yet, as you can see real danger looming, you wish to act.
Understandable!

Your Mother has Parkinson's Disease. This is a progressive brain disease. It can bring mild cognitive impairement for some, dementia for others. Not just loss of memory but lack of mental flexability & lack of understanding consequences. Is that what you are seeing?

As a family, you may wish to discuss what to do, together.

If Mom lacks insight to her illness/situatuon, her Husband may need to take a step up & arrange supervision & curtail her freedoms.

Everytime the Police call you, refer them back to Mom's Husband. He is the one going to be left with the financial mess when car insurance will not cover her. He must act.
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First, congratulations on your baby but I'm so sorry you're dealing with a brain tumor.

If you aren't your Mom's PoA and her husband keeps enabling her, there's really nothing you can do. In fact you should stop providing anything for her.

"... they have a lot of money, I’ve set up PCA’s, food delivery, cleaning..."

Why are you doing this? This is called enabling. Step away completely. You aren't responsible for her happiness. You can't be her solution.

The police can only respond to broken laws. They won't take away her license permanently -- a judge does this when she breaks a lot of laws. Don't rescue or bail her out for any reason. Any.

It won't feel good. It won't be easy to resist her appeals to manipulate you into enabling her. But it's the right thing to do and it's the only thing you can do that will actually be productive, and eventually things will collapse and she'll wind up in facility care when both her husband and the law have had enough of her nonsense. Do not go there to take care of her if she's got a husband AND money. Take care of yourself and baby only. May you receive peace in your heart.
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Toposfera907 Apr 5, 2024
Thank you. I have tried “helping” over the years, but I am not engaging actively any more. I think the answer is because I come from a family where children are “the retirement plan” and expected to care for their parents. I would never want this for my child and will break this cycle, but my whole life I’ve always been told to “take care of your mother” and she threatens suicide (which is another can of worms I shouldn’t open now) if I ever go against her. Not that I care about that since it’s all a manipulation on her part.

It’s just unfortunately that the police contacts me because her husbands phone is off all the time, so I’ve been using junking about telling the police to not contact me since I have no legal rights and honestly don’t want anything to do with her legally. I’m just mostly torn because I don’t want anyone else hurt or killed, since I would feel guilty.
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Wow this is ridiculous. She's a menace! Her keys need to be taken away before she kills somebody. Have you talked to her husband? He has to stop enabling this by buying her new cars. So bizarre. Talk to her doctor and have the doc talk to mom's hubby and tell him to cut the crap??

Good luck.
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Toposfera907 Apr 5, 2024
You want to hear something funny? I’ve chucked her car keys into the woods twice and slashed her car tires 10 years back when I still store more actively to prevent her from driving and before I moved away from the area because of her behavior. Nothing works.
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Take the battery out of the car.
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Toposfera907 Apr 5, 2024
That’s been done a few times, as well as the starter was taken out and many other things to disable the vehicle. She finds a way.
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Since disabling the car is not working , Can you report her to the motor vehicle department ? Perhaps they will make her take a driver’s test and she hopefully fails.

How about telling the neurologist what’s going on . Maybe he can tell her not to drive and report her to motor vehicle .

I agree that the police should take her license away permanently . There was another recent poster who was also getting phone calls about a parent from the police . It boggles my mind . You are not your mother’s parent , your mother is not a teen driver. Why do the police call the elderly’s adult children about this ?

Does her husband have dementia or something that he does not understand she can not drive, and just lets her get a new car ?

I understand your frustration, I feel we will be in a similar situation soon . Hopefully someone here has more suggestions .

I advise you to never take on POA for your mother . When she is not able to live at home call APS . Let them handle it because like you said , she will refuse to go to assisted living .

If I read correctly you are the one with the brain tumor not your baby . Either way , you need to concentrate on you and your own family . I wish you a full recovery .

If I was you, I would step back as much as you can , call APS to see what they can do , and your mother’s County Area of Aging .
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Toposfera907 Apr 5, 2024
DMV knows, she’s lost her license 3 times, twice she got it back by re-testing 10x and now this last time they won’t let her so it’s permanent. Not that it’s ever stopped her. Woman has no fear and never faced consequences and just laughs at law enforcement, rules and laws.
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