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he goes for every meal but couldn't this time. When I went to ask for a tray for her I was very aggressively told no and that if she didn't come to the dining room she was getting nothing. Isn't this considered neglected and abuse? Should the individual been dismissed?

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Yes. Don't another minute either report it to the authorities or take her out of the situation.
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This is NOT acceptable.
The person that refused to give mom food should be reported.
Isolation, denying food, fluids are all abuse.
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this is NEVER acceptable! i have been a Nursing Director in Nursing homes for 40:years and this should never happen. Report her to admnistration and the Nursing DIRECTOR!
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Faith64: Speak to the administrator of the facility.
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I have been nurse and working as home health aide for last 25+ years. First let me say, was not specified who made that horrible, inappropriate comment. I have encountered nurses who were like this. Anyone who for whatever reason not able to eat in dining room are to be offered to have a tray brought to them. Patients are strongly encouraged to eat meals in dining room and for good reason. They should eat in dining room unless have valid reason not to and because I do not want to is not valid. Being sick is valid. On rare occasions because "I would like quiet time" would be no problem but do not get into a habit of it. Sometimes these dining rooms can get pretty loud. Maybe resident wants to avoid another resident and go earlier or later. Residents should be heard and be able to do this on occasion ???? Things happen but then again, the kitchen workers, aides have certain things they must get done at certain or by certain times and they must be respected. Dementia patients should not be allowed to rule! They pretty much have no reasoning abilities and think only of themselves.
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That's not OK. My mom's AL will send up a meal if she doesn't feel like going to a meal for a whopping $4.50 per event. Unless she's sick and then of course they WANT her to stay in her room so there is no charge.

I hope you have to name of the person with the lousy attitude so you can share it with the boss.
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If she was really ill, she should not have been expected to come to dinner. They can charge her to deliver it.
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Can you leave her a stash of snacks if it happens again? I do agree with you that this is awful treatment
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dkiely33 May 3, 2024
It should be REPORTED, not covered by giving snacks as a substitute. Have the balls to report it.
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And document everything
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Contact the administrator in writing. Even if the meal that had been served was no longer available there should have been plenty of snacks available in the kitchen and having a snotty aide tell you off rather than be helpful is beyond inappropriate, frankly I would go to war over this.
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dkiely33 May 3, 2024
^^^^^^ THIS ....all day long.
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Is she in a nursing home or a memory care.
This is very unusual for a top notch care center. In most, when someone is ill, their trays an be delivered to room. There is, of course, extra charge for this.

Speak to the admins.
If this bowel issue continues it is time to check in with her doc, of course.
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waytomisery Apr 5, 2024
There isn’t always a charge for a short term illness.
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First talk to the admins of the facility and see what they say.
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