My mother just turned 90 yrs. old she has Dementia, her pattern is the same everyday. I want to change the Adult Day Center she goes to 3 times a week. They are an all-in-one place that takes care of her health too (PACE Program).

Sometimes they send her on appointments that are not at the center. Lately they have been getting it wrong, sending us to the wrong address, not getting her transportation right for other appointments. I want to be in charge of her care and take the power from them. My mother loves going there but I think I'm going to cut her days from 3 days a week to just 1 day. I have to tell her something, I don't want to stop her from going at once so I'll phase the days out. The other two days she goes to the Senior Center in her building, but she only stays there for an hour once the lunch comes she eats a few bites and brings the rest upstairs. She can go there more days until she just does not think about going to the other place.

I know and I hate that I will have less freedom to do other things I need to do. The Social Day Center keeps her busy. I need a break. She depends on me too much. I can't get far from her without her worrying. I don't know what else to do. I had talks with the director over there they asked me to give them another chance. I did and it's still not working out. She recently was scheduled for cataract surgery everything was confirmed and transportation was set up, I called to verify the day before at the hospital and was told she was not authorized to have it done. WHY WAIT until the day before to learn this? We were going back and forth for eye measurements and everything. I really would like to just keep her in the Adult Day Center but they said no it's an all-in-one program.

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DD, what strikes me is this: this PACE program with day center suits your mother, and it suits you too (you say if you switch, you hate that you'll have less freedom of action yourself). Is it really worth ditching for the sake of two screw-ups over appointments? Are you absolutely certain that alternative providers would never ever do such a thing?

Apart from scratching the itch of irritation over these recent errors, I just can't see what you stand to gain by taking your mother away from something that really benefits her, and also having all the hassle of change and adjustment and new relationships to develop.

I'd stick with them but start snorting through my nostrils at them about the cataract business - are they getting that sorted or not? And if so, when? - the decade is drawing to its close...

Don't let the best (which is hypothetical in any case, because you can't know the new places would do any better) be the enemy of the good (which you already have set up).

And no I'm not secretly their employee! :)
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DesignDiva Dec 2019
Hi CountryMouse,

I really can't let my mom stay in that Pace program and have them continue skewing up her transportation and appointments. It's becoming stressful for me on top of her giving me stress too. I have another Adult Day Center in a nursing home not to far from us. I feel comfortable knowing they have aides and nurses on site. They offer Hair Salon Services which would be a good thing, that's one of the many benefits. She will get use to them and make new friends. I will have to stay with her until she feels comfortable.
Hi Ahmijoy,

I go with her to all her appointments, I do call to check the dates and times. I had to because, this PACE center sucks they use to be good. I texted my mother's nurse today to find out if they would be paying for her procedure I have not heard from the nurse. I contacted her twice and no answer back.

I feel if the Cataract surgery was not necessary they should tell me and at lease I would know why they think it's not important at this time.

By them not answering me I feel insulted. So I contacted Health First MLTC and I will register her Jan 1, 2020. I'll see how it goes.

This is the second time this center has done something I didn't like.
I will probably change her and I have another center that she can go to similar to the one she likes.

I also feel they know seniors with Dementia don't like change and that's why they treat me a certain way.
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Ahmijoy Dec 2019
Yes, from your further explanation, I think you’re right. Mom does need to leave that center. I remember when administration changed at my mom’s facility things went downhill. I hope this new center you want her to go to will do a better job for her and you.
Agree with joy. Take more responsibility for mom's appointments, set them up and take her to them, call ahead to make sure you know where you are going.

You mom enjoys the Pace program, don't change it. My mom attended a PACE program for about six hours, five days a week, though I managed all her appointments. I just let PACE program know when she had one and would be late or whatever.

Sounds like mom is living in a facility that won't take care of appointments for her? If you stop PACE that will be a huge impact on you as well and you recognize that already. It will be more of an impact then you realize.

If someone with dementia is doing well, don't change it. If it is not broken, don't attempt to fix it. She enjoys, you need to make adjustments which will be easier on mom.

What was the reason the cataract was not completed? Was it something just recently discovered that caused the change in plan? What does not authorized mean? Not pre-approved? Maybe the cataracts are not significant yet? Cataract surgery, my understanding, can only be done once? So if not significant, best to wait until it is needed.
Helpful Answer (2)
DesignDiva Dec 2019
Hi Gladimhere,

I just think PACE did't want to pay for it. Lately I have been taking control of her appointments. Staying on top of them. Since PACE is in charge of making all her appointments, PACE don't want my input.

They use to tell me one day before that she has an appointment. I had to stop that it was not enough time to prepare her for them.
I’m sure this is very frustrating for you. Dementia patients don’t like change, and I have the feeling your mother will not like giving up going to a place she loves to go to. It sounds likes she’s not so crazy about the other place because she’s only there an hour and then leaves.

I would accept that the Adult Day Center will “try to do better”. BUT...I would be much more proactive about her appointments. As soon as the appointments are made, I would find out who she’s got the appointment with, where she’s going, when and why. I’d have the phone number of the doctor’s office and call them a week ahead of the
appointment to make sure of the time and doctor. I’d call again a few days before. And I would also check with the center’s transport to make certain they also know where they’re going and when. If you can, I might also meet them at the appointment a few times to make sure the Day Center knows you’re “watching” to keep them on task. .

It might be a pain tondo this, but you need to be more proactive about supervising the appointments and the center if you want to keep Mom there and happy.
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