She is showing signs of dementia and swears that she can live at home alone. Her Dr. agrees that she should be moved to a care facility. She has become so angry and disruptive that she has run off everyone who tries to care for her in the home, family included. If we force her, we know that she will disrupt the other patients and be kicked out! PLEASE HELP!!!!
She is living with a progressively failing brain, and it’s unlikely that detailed discussion will make much of an impression on her.
Bearing in mind that the doctor’s recommendation is based on her needs for safety and structured care and management, tell her the day you plan for her to move that you and she will make a visit to see a friend of yours. NO mention of her staying.
When you arrive, tell her you want to introduce her to your friend, and as soon as she is surrounded by the caregivers, quietly leave.
Ask the social service worker in charge to let you know when you should return for a visit, and follow her suggestions.
If she has her own phone and is still able to use it, answer one call in the morning and one at night, and unless the facility advises, no more.
Her job, and YOURS, is to help her learn to rely on her caregivers, and break her hold on family members.
If her behavior is still inappropriate in her new home, she may need an exam by a trained geriatric psychiatric specialist who can prescribe calming medication if necessary.
If you begin to receive complaints about her conduct, ask the facility to recommend the psychiatric specialist whom they use (this problem is observed fairly often).
This is often the hardest part of the extended care experience. Once she is somewhat settled, you will be able to enjoy visiting, and she will too.
Best of luck.
The scale may be from "whatever you think is best dear. Where do I sign" to "well.... OK" after 12+ conversations to "Pigs will fly! Ain't nobody making me do ANYTHING I don't want to do! Ever!!!"
So first, identify your mission. Know your enemy. Prepare for battle. Grab your hat. Your steel helmet of common sense.
Mother is in battle mode - fighting the good fight against old age, frailty & loss of her independence.
The trick is if SHE decides to concede, she will still be IN CONTROL.
Many folk will hopefully write in with he steps on HOW to get this done.
My take today is battle prep. Take heart, it CAN be done.