What can I do? She fills up my voicemail box and I can’t receive messages (even from her medical team). She isn’t lonely, has loads of visitors and friends in the facility.
We also got my MIL (in LTC facility) a special landline with a corded handset (just like old-fashioned phones) that has large buttons with each family members' picture on it. She can call any one of us (and only us) by just touching the button. There are no number buttons or other keypad, just the picture buttons.
I think Geaton has provided the best advice to you.
I would try the Raz phone that she has recommended for your mom.
She has tested this service herself with her family and it has proven to be successful. I like the idea of being able to program the phone to your own specific needs.
If this doesn’t work for your mom, then she shouldn’t have a phone.
One thing is for sure, her calling you numerous times during the day isn’t working for either of you.
The most important thing is that you have open communication with the staff at your mom’s facility. If your voicemail is always full, that becomes impossible to achieve.
We finally had to take my FIL's cell phone away once he was placed - we quickly discovered it had become problematic in multiple ways - including but not limited to the following:
1. Incessant calling to any family member he had in his contacts list. 2. His nearly complete inability to actually FUNCTION with the phone - meaning he would accidentally turn the volume to mute, or unplug it from the charger and not be able to charge it, resulting in a dead battery, and perhaps the most telling (and to some extent a saving grace for many people he knew) - he managed to delete his entire contacts list his first week there. I had not really double checked that his phone was backed up - simply because he had the phone carrier on speed dial and had them back up and other things for him. But it apparently wasn't backed up and he literally removed his entire contacts list - which was honestly a good thing because he had a tendency to go through the entire contacts list when he was bored and call tons of people with names like - Realtor - Name @ Restaurant He Loved (there were TONS of these) - Loan Officer - and my favorite - Name of the guy who rear-ended him on the interstate 10 years ago.
We manually added our numbers back and did absolutely nothing to try to find anyone else he could bother.
I finally had to change the settings on his phone make is so scaled back that there was virtually nothing left on it, in order to make it easier for him to use.
But it got to the point where we would have to call the nurses's station because we wouldn't be able to get in touch with him - and his phone would be dead or the volume turned down and he couldn't hear it. There was concern of him calling 911 because his roommate started doing that. And then the worst thing - I guess - is that he let his roommate use HIS phone (roomie had his own) to call his "family". Turned out they were family - his estranged son who didn't want to talk to his father. And it caused a ruckus at the facility because he knew he wasn't supposed to let anyone else use his phone.
We kicked around the idea of getting a 4 number Jitterbug or something along those lines -but that still presented the problems we were dealing with - daily calls numbering in the 30s - I got 20 in an hour one day - and the ability to call 911.
In memory care, phones are often out of the question for seniors with brains so broken they cannot understant, But your mom is in ALF, not MC, so I am assuming that her dementia is not terribly severe? Have you discussed this with mom? Here's what I would do: A) Discuss the numbers of calls and how your mailbox is so full you cannot function on important business calls. B) Tell Mom that if this continues you will be sadly forced to block her number, and will have to check in on her at your leisure every morning and night.
I wish you the best of luck. I have seen people go so far as to have two phones, but that seems like drug-dealer-territory to me and I wouldn't want to go to that length.
I had a relative who, when she started showing signs of dementia, had FIVE phones. At least. She couldn't remember how to use her phone, so she'd go buy another one. Sometimes she'd throw a perfectly good new phone in the garbage because it didn't work any better than her other ones. Same thing with computers. She thought there was something wrong with them - but it was her. I never knew how many computers she'd bought, as the whole situation became something I'd rather stay away from. I can well imagine that people might think she was a drug dealer, because she'd start pulling all her phones out in a restaurant or store or family gathering.
I got my Mom a Raz Mobiliry phone that lets me control hers from an app on my smartphone. I control what contacts she can call and when. It’s been very useful
I would try the Raz phone that she has recommended for your mom.
She has tested this service herself with her family and it has proven to be successful. I like the idea of being able to program the phone to your own specific needs.
If this doesn’t work for your mom, then she shouldn’t have a phone.
One thing is for sure, her calling you numerous times during the day isn’t working for either of you.
The most important thing is that you have open communication with the staff at your mom’s facility. If your voicemail is always full, that becomes impossible to achieve.
Best wishes to you.
Although my step-mother was in AL, we had to take the phone away as she kept calling us and not remembering she had done so.
After that we had to move her to MC, her dementia was getting worse.
1. Incessant calling to any family member he had in his contacts list.
2. His nearly complete inability to actually FUNCTION with the phone - meaning he would accidentally turn the volume to mute, or unplug it from the charger and not be able to charge it, resulting in a dead battery, and perhaps the most telling (and to some extent a saving grace for many people he knew) - he managed to delete his entire contacts list his first week there. I had not really double checked that his phone was backed up - simply because he had the phone carrier on speed dial and had them back up and other things for him. But it apparently wasn't backed up and he literally removed his entire contacts list - which was honestly a good thing because he had a tendency to go through the entire contacts list when he was bored and call tons of people with names like
- Realtor
- Name @ Restaurant He Loved (there were TONS of these)
- Loan Officer
- and my favorite - Name of the guy who rear-ended him on the interstate 10 years ago.
We manually added our numbers back and did absolutely nothing to try to find anyone else he could bother.
I finally had to change the settings on his phone make is so scaled back that there was virtually nothing left on it, in order to make it easier for him to use.
But it got to the point where we would have to call the nurses's station because we wouldn't be able to get in touch with him - and his phone would be dead or the volume turned down and he couldn't hear it. There was concern of him calling 911 because his roommate started doing that. And then the worst thing - I guess - is that he let his roommate use HIS phone (roomie had his own) to call his "family". Turned out they were family - his estranged son who didn't want to talk to his father. And it caused a ruckus at the facility because he knew he wasn't supposed to let anyone else use his phone.
We kicked around the idea of getting a 4 number Jitterbug or something along those lines -but that still presented the problems we were dealing with - daily calls numbering in the 30s - I got 20 in an hour one day - and the ability to call 911.
So we finally had to just take it away.
Have you discussed this with mom?
Here's what I would do:
A) Discuss the numbers of calls and how your mailbox is so full you cannot function on important business calls.
B) Tell Mom that if this continues you will be sadly forced to block her number, and will have to check in on her at your leisure every morning and night.
I wish you the best of luck.
I have seen people go so far as to have two phones, but that seems like drug-dealer-territory to me and I wouldn't want to go to that length.