My sister has spent maybe 8 weeks with my father in the last 10 years . I have lived with my father for 10 years and taken care of him. In June 2020 he gave me POA and healthcare proxy. Since he has been chatting with my sister he has fallen 4 times. She arrived unannounced and he was on the floor and I was never texted, called nor did she knock on my door. I live upstairs. She is desperate for money - her husband hasn't worked for 4 months and she works 1 day a week. She gave me a migraine and I have been sick ever since. My dad isn't well and I am not sure I can care for him much longer as my health has taken a toll. I had to lift him up 3 times on Wednesday and clean up poop. He is losing his keys, wallet, and money again. We are back to him obsessing and being paranoid. I think the next step is to place him. My sister has never helped out with him except a couple times. His money is not her money - His money is to take care of him. I can't do this any more. I am exhausted and depleted and want my life and freedom back. I told her you can have POA and health care proxy if you want to be the primary caregiver and take him to California. Looking for advice on this forum. Thank you.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
1. If your father has the funds and you have durable financial power of attorney, hire a caregiver agency and take a break. You're exhausted and not in the right place to be making any decisions.
2. You cannot give your sister financial power of attorney or health care proxy. Only your father can do this if he is competent to do so. An elder care attorney can help you determine whether he is or not.
3. If your father is not competent and you no longer want to be your father's POA agent, look at the POA document to see if your father named a successor agent. You can step aside and let that person serve as agent.
4. If there is no successor POA agent or they don't want to serve, your sister or another interested party can petition the court for guardianship/conservatorship. This is a serious step and should involve an elder care attorney.
5. Figure out what you really want to have happen. It sounds like he's ready for AL. Do you want him to go to California? Do you want him in an AL where you live?
6. Consult an elder care attorney to make sure all your ducks are in a row.
Best wishes in a difficult time.
As always, these are suggestions and not legal advice.
Helpful Answer (0)

Your sister should not be able to get to Dads money without proving POA. For some shares Mom had I had to get a Medallion from the bank to even ask about her shares. They would not except my POA.

I suggest you make sure your Dads bank has your POA on file and any investments he has. You need to call his stockbroker and tell him you hold Dads POA. You need to file both financial and medical with Dads Drs and the hospital he always go to.

Read your Dads POA to see if its immediate. If so, you were incharge as soon as he signed it. If it needs a Doctors' diagnosis, then you need to get a formal diagnosis from his doctor saying he is no longer capable of making informed decisions.

I know this will be very hard, but you have to stand up to ur sister and tell her you have the paperwork making you Dads POA. And now that he is incompetent, you now have the responsibility to be able to stand in for him.

Once you place Dad things will be better. But you must get thru this. You know sister will spend Dads money and then that causes a lot of other problems if he needs Medicaid. You would have to bring sister up on charges of theft to get him help.
Helpful Answer (2)

Barb is 100% right.

Sorry to say you can't just 'hand over' what is a legally binding relationship to someone else, as much as you may want to and they may want you to.

IF you truly want to be done, do this legally, with attorneys and the whole nine yards. IF dad has dementia and cannot make this 'legal'-consult an attorney.

Sounds like it's time to have dad moved to a place that can help him live out his life with the proper care he needs. Yep, it's expensive, but that's why he has squirreled away money. It's NOT for you, it's for his care.

And a stockbroker isn't going to be much help in this. They MANAGE the money, they don't have access to it. A good stockbroker should have the name of a good lawyer, that's what you really need.
Helpful Answer (4)

Please don't give sister POA if you have even the slightest belief that she will use his money for herself. Please see an elder attorney and get your father set up to be placed in a facility where he will be taking care of, using his money, and plan to transition him to Medicaid when the money runs out.
Helpful Answer (3)

Agree with Alva, dad needs to go to the ER and SW told that there is not care for him at home.

Not sure what you mean about Sis "calling the stockbroker for POA". YOU are POA and need those documents to get him the care he needs.
Helpful Answer (3)

If your father has dementia now (sounds like it) it is too late for the POA to be changed. If you don't want to be POA your sister can apply for guardianship but she would require letters saying your father has dementia and cannot act in his own behalf. YOU are POA and accepted that duty. If you don't want it it is difficult to get out of now that your dad is helpless to appoint someone else. You will need an elder law attorney.
You describe your sister as after your Dad's money. Will you honestly give her full control if you can (you can't, but just saying). Better you asked the state to take over for your Dad as POA through state appointed fiduciary. But do know at that point no one has anything to say about his money, his placement or anything else.
You need to tell sister you are POA. Then you need to call and have Dad ambulanced to the ER next fall. Get full diagnostic update of his inability to make his own decisions, get the Social Worker to work on placement on day one of hospitalization. Take control and embrace this decision you made to act as POA or give it up to the STATE, not a sister who wants to clean Dad's money out.
Good luck. See an Elder Law Attorney. Your Dad's money pays for this. I hope you already know how to keep the meticulous files and records of every penny in and every penny out you were responsible for on day one of assuming duty as POA. I mention this because you seem not to understand what a POA is and what your duties and obligations are. You mentioned a sister calling a stockbroker for POA. Stockbrokers don't give POA. A principal (you Dad) assigns this duty to a trusted family member or fiduciary. There are hard and fast rules on being a POA for your State. Please review them.
All of this is assuming you mean a real financial DPOA, and not a MPOA (medical Power of Attorney) which you also have.
Helpful Answer (3)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter