My husband refused daily showers so I convince him four times a week, not easy either because some days he insults me!! We have been together 58 years I am 84 years old but I will keep him home as long as I can handle it, and yes patience is the key for everything good luck to everyone that is a caregiver
Also, purchase two pairs of shower slippers so she can wear a pair during her shower and another pair that is dry when she exits.
Example: (COPY AND PASTE THIS VERY LONG URL) https://www.amazon.com/Slipper-Non-Slip-Slippers-Bathroom-Sandals/dp/B07P2X3X6J/ref=asc_df_B07P2X3X6J/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=67586928621&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279
Having an OT suggest equipment to make showering safer can be useful & add peace of mind (for you both).
Maybe with extra equipment, shower stool, long handled hose handle, extra heater etc you will be able to manage a while longer on your own. But if still a battle, consider the next step.
Adding help.
Yes this involves someone coming into your house. A big step.
But hiring an Aide for personal care from a home Care Agency often becomes necessary. 2-3 times a week sets a good routine. Many people keep their 'for company' manners & won't make as much fuss for non-family.
More help can be added as time goes on eg cleaning, companionship/sitting (when you go out), meals deliveries - things to help you (as dementia unfortunately progresses).
Pondlily: This is a very common question here on the forum. Your DW (Dear Wife) may be afraid of falling in the shower. Please place grab bars in the shower and obtain a shower chair so that she can sit. Have handy a washcloth and towel and make sure the bathroom is at a comfortable temperature.
My wife gets a fear attack whenever i mention her taking a shower. It takes a lot of effort on my part to convince her that she will not fall or slip. She has a shower chair, non slip mat, grab bars and shower wand, plus I have to get in with her. She won't let anyone else do it . Once a week is what she will allow. I must remember that it's all about her. I do tease her sometines about how she smells and she seems to respond to that. She never wants to smell bad, so I use that to my advantage. It's just one of the many challenges that we caregivers go through. I count it a blessing to be able to provide her with what she needs, at this time in her life. I take joy in serving her. We have been married for 46 years. She tells me every day that she loves me and appreciates me for the care that i give her. I am so blessed to be her caregiver with all that it comes with, including her constant repeat questions and memory issues. Patience, Patience and more Patience is the key to suvival.
I am 89 and live by myself. My bathtub is small and narrow and dangerous to enter and exit. I never use it, never get in. Since years I clean myself once a day completely with very large wipes which are saturated with almost 20 of elements which are contained in quality medical lotions. After that I appply medical-geriatric skin cream. 13x12 inch wipes which are as thick as washcloth. 20 per package. (HERO Full Body Wipes).
This is one of the most common questions on this forum.
The first step it to make the shower safe for her: a slip-proof mat, handles, a shower seat, a hand-held shower head. Also, lower hygience expectations (daily showers are no more). And, consider installing a bidet attachment to the toilet to help her stay clean in between showering.
Like Southiebella, our family solved it by hiring a neighbor who was also an experienced caregiver. At first she resisted Shirley but because she had a calm method (no matter what my Aunt dealt out) eventually showers were much less stressful and we even upped them to twice a week.
Other strategies were to tell my Aunt that company was coming or she had a doctor's appointment. But eventually that stopped working.
Others have tried making it more like a "spa" experience with a warmed room, soft music, scented candles and plenty of towels.
Southiebella is correct in that this may be a permanent challenge so just be aware you may need to switch tactics as needed. I wish you success!
First, do you have grab bars, a slip proof mat and a shower bench in the shower for her so she feels safe? Then have you yourself helped her in the shower and proceeded to wash her? When my late husband was still mobile, I had to not only help him in the shower, but also had to wash him up while he was in there. Yes, I got a little wet, but at least I knew that he was clean. If you can't do that, then it's time to hire a shower aide to come assist her. Best wishes to you both.
It's the battle of wills. You must be one to win. Without knowing what you've tried, here's a suggestion.
Hire a female caregiver who is good at bathing and have her come in at least once a week to help your wife.
Ignore ignore ignore any protests that your wife may put forth. She needs a shower or some sort of bath.
This will most likely become a permanent issue but you're the one in charge of caring for your wife at the moment, so take the bull-by-the-horns and make it happen.
Weekly, I get my mother into the shower and she never forgets to tell me how "mean" I am. It used to trigger me because the last thing I want is to be criticized or told I'm "mean" when I've sacrificed so much to care for my mother in my home for the past 5 1/2 years, but now I just agree that I'm "mean" and move along.
My mother is now very mentally childlike and just like a child, she will fuss and whine at anything that she doesn't want to do. And like a child, she doesn't have the mental cognition to recognize what is not good for her. That's now our job as their caregiver.
Example: (COPY AND PASTE THIS VERY LONG URL)
https://www.amazon.com/Slipper-Non-Slip-Slippers-Bathroom-Sandals/dp/B07P2X3X6J/ref=asc_df_B07P2X3X6J/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=67586928621&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279
Maybe with extra equipment, shower stool, long handled hose handle, extra heater etc you will be able to manage a while longer on your own. But if still a battle, consider the next step.
Adding help.
Yes this involves someone coming into your house. A big step.
But hiring an Aide for personal care from a home Care Agency often becomes necessary. 2-3 times a week sets a good routine. Many people keep their 'for company' manners & won't make as much fuss for non-family.
More help can be added as time goes on eg cleaning, companionship/sitting (when you go out), meals deliveries - things to help you (as dementia unfortunately progresses).
Either that, or take her to the front yard and hose her down like a Golden Retriever.
The first step it to make the shower safe for her: a slip-proof mat, handles, a shower seat, a hand-held shower head. Also, lower hygience expectations (daily showers are no more). And, consider installing a bidet attachment to the toilet to help her stay clean in between showering.
Like Southiebella, our family solved it by hiring a neighbor who was also an experienced caregiver. At first she resisted Shirley but because she had a calm method (no matter what my Aunt dealt out) eventually showers were much less stressful and we even upped them to twice a week.
Other strategies were to tell my Aunt that company was coming or she had a doctor's appointment. But eventually that stopped working.
Others have tried making it more like a "spa" experience with a warmed room, soft music, scented candles and plenty of towels.
Southiebella is correct in that this may be a permanent challenge so just be aware you may need to switch tactics as needed. I wish you success!
When my late husband was still mobile, I had to not only help him in the shower, but also had to wash him up while he was in there. Yes, I got a little wet, but at least I knew that he was clean.
If you can't do that, then it's time to hire a shower aide to come assist her.
Best wishes to you both.
Hire a female caregiver who is good at bathing and have her come in at least once a week to help your wife.
Ignore ignore ignore any protests that your wife may put forth. She needs a shower or some sort of bath.
This will most likely become a permanent issue but you're the one in charge of caring for your wife at the moment, so take the bull-by-the-horns and make it happen.
Weekly, I get my mother into the shower and she never forgets to tell me how "mean" I am. It used to trigger me because the last thing I want is to be criticized or told I'm "mean" when I've sacrificed so much to care for my mother in my home for the past 5 1/2 years, but now I just agree that I'm "mean" and move along.
My mother is now very mentally childlike and just like a child, she will fuss and whine at anything that she doesn't want to do. And like a child, she doesn't have the mental cognition to recognize what is not good for her. That's now our job as their caregiver.
The hardest job we never wanted.