My stepfather has dementia. He is 87. My mom is 91 and has heart an kidney disease. Has anyone else ever had this happen?

Yes it happens. It is OK for Mom to feel sad about it but PLEASE try to help Mom understand it is the dementia (brain filter problems).

It is NOT any reflection on her or their marriage 😔

This is an uncomfortable but not unique stage some with dementia go through. As a caregiver, she may have made an error in judgement telling your mom but I guess she did not consider that your elderly mom may have absolutely no clue that this is "normal".

Tell mom that it IS normal and just like so many things he does and says, it's not really HIM talking anymore. It's the dementia talking. His brain is broken. And he would never behave that way if he any choice.

Are they living at home? How often does the caregiver come over? Good for you for having help for them.

Good luck.

With dementia, it's known as Inappropriate Sexual Behavior or ISB. The doctor can prescribe medication to curb your stepfather's appetite, so to speak. What I find even more inappropriate is that this caregiver would tell your mother about her husband's flirting and sexual remarks to her! WHY would she do that? I would have words with her and let her know you don't appreciate that she upset your mom for NO GOOD REASON! That is very unprofessional behavior, especially for someone who says they're 'working with' the behavior and that it's normal. You may want to look for another caregiver b/c this would make me livid, to be honest. Let your mom know, too, that her DH is in the throes of dementia and saying things he's not even aware of right now.

Wishing you the best of luck.