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Age 81No kids of her own. We’ve never had a closer relationship but since dad died, I call several times a week to check on her. She is lonely, depressed, threatens suicide. Her short term memory is gone. Sometimes hallucinates. Lives on her own and does not want to move anywhere. Lives out of state from me. I worry about her ability to take care of herself. Does not accept help from others.

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Call APS and tell them what you've told us. They will go out and do an assessment. You then let them take over her and her care.
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AlvaDeer Dec 30, 2024
I so agree. I think it is wrong to get drawn into this in any way. It muddies waters that need to remain CLEAR.
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Her niece has the Health Directive? Then her niece is responsible for her. She does not have to physically care for her, but she needs to make sure she is safe and not a harm to herself and others. The niece should be talking to the doctor about your concerns. The niece may have the authority to set her up in an Assisted Living, Memory Care or Longterm care. Your SM is passed independent living if Dementia is present. Its also up to the niece to get APS involved. SM can always become a ward of the State since there is no family close by.

I, personally, would not call this woman my stepmother since she had nothing to do with raising me. I would call her my father's wife when talking to APS or 911. IMO, stepmother gives the impression of closeness and you say there is none between you. Make sure if you do talk to anyone, that you are clear you will not take on her care, you are just concerned.
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Stepchild1of2 Dec 29, 2024
Thank you so much. I’ve actually never called her Step mother and have always used My Fathers Wife but for the purpose of this forum I said it. Her niece is 20 years younger than I am and has young children. I’ve tried to spare her most of this burden but perhaps now is the time. I appreciate your advice. Thank you.
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Next time she threatens suicide, send 911 to her house for a welfare check and let them take her to the hospital (if they can).
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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Who is taking her to this upcoming appointment? Hopefully it's you. As you check in for the appointment, ask for the HIPAA Medical Representative form. Fill in your name and then she signs it. When this happens then her medical team can now legally discuss her private medical info with you without her being present or consenting further. It is NOT the same as a MPoA.

Ideally, if you are interested in being her PoA and she's willing to assign you, this should happen before this medical appointment.

In the end, if she is uncooperative on all fronts you will really have no choice but to report her to APS and allow them to maneuver her into appropriate care. You can technically have all sorts of legal authority to act on her behalf but if she physically will not cooperate, then things get exponentially more difficult in getting her care. Then you'd also have to figure out if she has enough money to pay for that care. If she gets assigned a court-appointed guardian, then you don't have to worry about it going forward.
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Stepchild1of2 Dec 29, 2024
She takes herself. She lives on her own. Still drives. I do not live anywhere near her. She is fiercely independent, and not open to help. Her finances are fine. She has kicked house cleaners out for small infractions. When my partner suggested getting some help in, she raged and kicked him out, too. She had her name at an independent living place But waivers back and forth on moving when a spot opens… sometimes in the same sentence. It’s a very dicey situation. I am not related other than she married my father and he passed away a few months ago.
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You Can call her doctors office and speak with the Nurse and tell them of your concerns . They Maybe able to test her .
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Stepchild1of2 Dec 29, 2024
Thanks. I know she was tested 4 years ago so an updated test wound be helpful. I just would not want them to tell her I was concerned
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I would call the suicide hotline at 988 about her and I would call APS notifying them especially of the mental changes and your concern that she has no family and is a senior at risk. Let them know you called the suicide prevention hotline about her as well.
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Stepchild1of2 Dec 29, 2024
I did before coming here. I also got some good resources through 988 I’if she is willing to take them. We are talking about a very stubborn, independent person who should not be any more. Thank you for your suggestions.
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I am thinking of writing her doctor (who she hates and doesn’t trust 🫤) for an upcoming appointment. I’ve told her that her words are causing me concern enough that I will call for a wellness check and she got mad at me. I know she is lonely and sad, but she isn’t my parent and my hands are tied to do anything to help. Thank you for your suggestions.
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You can write a letter to her doctor if you know who it is, but they won’t tell you anything because of HIPPA. You can also call APS and ask for a wellness check.
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Stepchild1of2 Dec 29, 2024
I am thinking of writing her doctor (who she hates and doesn’t trust 🫤) for an upcoming appointment. I’ve told her that her words are causing me concern enough that I will call for a wellness check and she got mad at me. I know she is lonely and sad, but she isn’t my parent and my hands are tied to do anything to help. Thank you for your suggestions. I’m still figuring out how this forum works so may have double posted.
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