When I placed my wife in the unit, I asked them should I stay away for a while. They said no and they encouraged to visit often. My wife wants to know why we have “other people in our home”. The two times in the last week that they have called I have been there an average of about 4 hours each time. The aggressive behavior is very recent but seems to be increasing. She is not aggressive with me. She is getting a very bad reputation with the aides.
My mom was combative, she would wander and she was stubborn and uncooperative. She would even stick her foot out and try to trip the aides when they walked last. I never got a call to run to the facility to calm her down. They always handled it. I’d call a Care Conference and ask what they think should be done. I would not bring her home.
If I suddenly lost my right to liberty, to make decisions for myself and was being constantly told (not asked) what to do by everyone, I think I would become aggressive and strike out to defend myself.
I think this is what’s happening. Like my Mum was, your wife is just defending herself, defending her right to liberty.
We all need training (professional carers, family carers, friends too) in how to put ourselves into the shoes of a person with Alzheimer’s disease and imagine how we would react if we were being treated or spoken to, in the manner we (or other carers) are now speaking to and treating our loved ones in care. It helps one to understand how we can better approach a person with Alzheimer’s so that we mininmise stress and obtain a more positive response and outcome.
Most of the carers at my Mums care home are wonderful, very experienced and speak to the residents with care, love, empathy and consideration. They ask a resident if they would like to do.....rather than telling a person they must do........The most effective carers don’t order our loved ones around, they gently coax and encourage with great care and empathy.
There are a small number of carers in my Mums care home who lack this empathy and caring-they do not show respect to the residents in their care. These are the ones my mum has slapped-in response to the manner in which they approached her a number of times when she ended up in another residents room (by mistake or after being invited). Telling my Mum she must leave a room gets a negative response-she will become stubborn and refuse to move. Rather ask her if she could please come and help out in the kitchen or with another resident in the living room (this would get her moving immediately because she’s an ex nurse and just wants to help everyone).
I explained why I think my mother slapped the carer to her care manager the day after the first incident occurred. She was unwilling to hear me (understandably because a carer had been struck) and called a doctor in who prescribed a sedative (my Mum now takes 4 times a day). So my Mum is under sedation each day to keep her calm. It breaks my heart as I am unable to care for my Mum at home full time. I have to trust that the care home is doing what they need to do to care for my Mum in a way that is manageable for the whole team. She is not an agressive person, she just has Alzheimer’s Disease and needs to be treated with care & consideration of her condition. She is never aggressive with me, will do mostly anything when I ask. If she doesn’t want to do something (like brush her teeth or finish a cup of tea), I just change the subject, redirect her attention, and few minutes later I ask again and she usually cooperates. It’s an ongoing learning curve for both of us.
I think the aggression your wife is now showing is in response to the manner in which she is being approached. I hope this information about my Mums experience is of help to you and your LO.
In my experience, that is the specialist you want to get on "team dementia"
Hopefully, the Geri Psych can suggest meds for her if it’s not a UTI.
Was told by a summer student NURSE
That the rule of thumb was every hour.
They never hydrated dad,he was blind
And sat in a wheelchair when he wanted to lie down...they do not want to do transfers.also I bought orange juice that I used to make smoothies
W yogurt fresh fruit...why don't NH make smoothies...easist healthy way
To eat..food was cold and hard as delivery was slow also one aide feeding dementia patients, eight one morning..geez glad I was able to see this..my opinions they are better off in a backyard with a sarong no diapers,
Listening to birds tweet..like the Godfather ..its too stressful and Expensive..you can get a very nice apartment for 2000 per month. As opposed to the cheaper rate of 4000
Per mo.
I had the same happen to me.
What I found to help was I did not have a routine on what time of day I would visit. I always had to be on alert . If mom was trying to tell me she was uncomfortable in her surrounding? Payed attention which aides where working? Who also was her roommate? Just dropping in different times of the day keep everyone on their toes.
In the meantime , I made a friends with other familys in the facility. We keep each other informed. Called if we noticed anything. In the meantime, I talked to facililty Dr. on giving mom some anxiety medicine. They should supply music therapy to help calm her down . Also I talked to her on phone first before I went. She just wanted to hear my voice.
I hope you find this helpful.
Consider the people who work at these facilities. Would you work at a place where you might be assaulted at any time? Some of these patients could be bigger and stronger than the workers. It's difficult enough to get people to work in nursing homes, etc.
I'm not sure how I would react if the MC staff were not able to manage matters on their own. I might also ask for a team meeting to see how things are being addressed by them. They should be able to see trends, triggers, issues, etc. and create ways to deal with it. They should be trained to recognize the problem and make adjustments to help her.
You might want start showing up at different times. It might help you pinpoint what is going on.
Is the facility calling you at around the same time? It might be some activity or a particular person that is causing your wife to get agitated. Especially if it happens out of the blue.
My dad was never a problem at the home. Then he started to get clearly upset when I would visit.
Found out one CNA was doing things she shouldn't. She shouldnt have been a CNA. She was very young and had no empathy for her residents.
She came in the room right in front of me. I had never seen her before. Went straight over to my dad's bed. Grabbed his hamburger off his plate, and shoved it in his face, yelling EAT! Then turned to me and said he doesn't eat enough, with an annoyed look on her face. Then threw the hamburger back on his plate. He got very mad and upset. I was so shocked, I couldn't even talk! She didn't wash her hands, was very abrupt, and shoved just food in my dad's face! Then she walked out of the room!
My dad was also getting big scrape marks on his face from pushing the razor blade into his skin as he was getting shaved. I got a few ph calls warning me he had big bloody scrape marks on his face. That had never happened before. The CNA was being very rough with him. I think she was abrupt and he was reacting. He had been in the home a couple yrs before he started having problems. He hated her. So the problems were real. He tried to tell me things were happening. I thought it's not that bad. Yes it was!
Another time the CNA pulled his blankets/bedding off the bed and threw them on the floor. The air from that went in my face along with the dirt from the floor. I was sitting in a,chair visiting.
Nothing is allowed on the floor. Not even trash bags with soiled briefs. It goes from bed to special trash can. The nursing home can get cited big $$$ for that. So she was doing things she wasn't allowed to.
So my dad had a legitimate problem. He never complained before that. I went to management over that.
Your wife might be objecting around an activity, like bathing. She might feel bullied to bathe. The staff insist residents get clean. Residents can say no, but at a certain point they need a shower. It also helps check for sores/skin etc. Is it happening around bed time? Changing clothes to get ready for bed. It can be very traumatizing having someone remove your clothes when you don't want to. Cna's can be abrupt to get them into bed. They have 12 residents to look after. They are on a tight schedule.
I would definatly see if there is a legitimate reason she is getting agitated before requesting anxiety drugs. It could be 1 CNA or an activity/s she is objecting to. Or it could be another resident coming into her room, taking things.
That was another problem with my dad. Residents were walking in, taking things out of his closet and drawers. Luckily his room mate was able to yell for the nurses and they would redirect the wandering resident. They were both very upset by that.
So it could be a legitimate problem. Let us know if you find out what it is. Good luck~
I have had to increase and add drugs due to moms aggitation but change in aides has helped too. Once settled in new unit they will try decreasing some meds.