My grandma has stage 4 colon cancer and she had surgery to remove the cancerous part of her colon. Unfortunately the cancer has already spread to her other organs. She is not in pain but still is anxious about death and wants her cancer to be “cured.” We took her to multiple doctors and none of them recommended further treatment given her physical health, stage of cancer and age. She is adamant about getting chemotherapy even though she is frail and lost a lot of weight recently. We are worried that any treatment will kill her even faster. We don’t have anyone else with cancer in our family so we are lacking experience taking care of someone with cancer. Any advice or experience dealing with this?
Ask what she understands about her cancer. Ask what she understands about chemotherapy. (Eg Does she think it is a definate cure?) That Doctors do not always recommended that line of treatment. That it sometimes can cause more burden/harm than benefit.
Having a safe space to bring up fears can be very important. Sometimes the fear of pain is the largest fear. There are good ways to manage cancer pain (of present) & Grandma may be relieved to hear about that.
She may have other matters she wants to speak about. Tasks to finish or ro know she is loved & will be remembered.
He wanted to try the chemo and his doctors didn’t discourage him. The chemo affected his mind and he was really not all there in his last months, which were miserable for all of us.
He required a team of caregivers - a 24/7 live-in, a few relief caregivers, PT and OT coming to the house, and another relative and me there most of the time. You could expect much of the same.
I am so sorry. I wish I could encourage you, but the outlook is bleak. Perhaps you could find a clergy person to counsel with grandma so she won’t feel so afraid.
Tried, but much too burdomsome. Reduced appetite, increased frailty, increased dehydration, increased falls + chemo brain cognition issues - like delerium. Ceased chemo to allow a better quality of life.
If no one is her MPoA then she gets to make her own decision. But no one needs to enable her to do it. No one in good conscience should help her go down this path. I watched my 72-yr old FIL go through 2 years of surgery and chemo for pancreatic cancer. He got "chemo brain". He was so weak and sick. His oncologist told him that most people with end-stage cancer die from malnutrition since the chemo kills their appetite and produces nausea, messes up their bodies in all sorts of ways, plus other side effects. Your Grandma already is missing part of her colon.
You are probably correct that the treatment will kill her faster, and it will be awful until it does. Get info on hospice for her. Having someone in clergy to talk to her is a good idea.
I agree, she needs a nurse or doctor to explain to her that chemo is not going to cure her but it will make her final time here miserable. Death is eminent better she is on Hospice and made comfortable.
She needs to know that given that it is against medical advice to get further treatment that the cost will come out of pocket. The cost might be $50,000 per year for treatment. (probably more than that given all the other medications that she would need. And those would be out of pocket as well) And she probably will not find a doctor that would order it.
You/she could spend the rest of her life looking for a doctor that would approve it. But that seems like a waste of time to me.
You are right that the "treatment" will probably kill her before the cancer would.
I do not know how you can get her to understand that if she is that anxious.